Page 17 of Resistance
At this Dottie brightened. ‘Oh yes, lets. I haven’t had one in ages and I’m sure nobody will notice as long as you’re quick and don’t take the lift, they’ll make it pong.’
They both giggled and Dottie rubbed her hands together with glee as she watched Maude prepare their drinks. This was so much fun, being here with her granddaughter, girls together and for a second, she wondered if they should have brought Jean. The notion was swiftly banished because vegetarians and kebabs were not conducive to enjoying one’s guilty pleasures or listening to the hoo-ha when you broke hotel rules. No, they were right to leave Jean at home. Dottie’s conscience was therefore swiftly and thoroughly appeased.
Maude carried the drinks over, placing the glasses on the bedside table before going back for her own. ‘Shuffle over, big bum, and make room.’ Relaxing against the plump pillows she took a sip and closed her eyes.
Dottie also relaxed and enjoyed the tranquillity, not in the least ruined by the hum of traffic beyond the windows or the voices of other guests as they walked along the corridor. She’d always liked the bustle of the city or a town, as long as she had a bubble to retreat to now and then, so when Maude popped it by asking a question, Dottie couldn’t contain a sigh.
‘You know what I love? The way the French say my name, in fact I love the accent and how everything sounds so much more romantic when they speak English… but then again, you just chatter on like a local yokel so there’s no need.’
‘Well, forgive me for saying so, Maude, but if you’d tried a bit harder at school and not been so stubborn then you’d be fluent by now. I did try to teach you, remember.’
Maude swivelled sideways. ‘I know, it’s one of my regrets and I do wish I’d listened especially now we are here. I feel a bit disloyal to Paulette and Delphine, never mind you!’
Reaching over Dottie patted Maude’s leg. ‘Please don’t feel that way, you are far too young to have regrets and I shouldn’t complain. I wanted you to be a free spirit, didn’t I? Lord knows I encouraged you enough and if I’m honest I was very conflicted, you know, with the desire to respect my heritage versus the pain of speaking a language that reminded me of what I’d lost and left behind.’
‘Oh, Gran, that’s so sad. I didn’t know you felt like that but I’m starting to realise there are lots of things I don’t understand and I’m a bit worried all this is going to upset you.’ Maude wrapped her arm through her grandmother’s and snuggled closer.
Dottie gave a reassuring reply. ‘There’s no need to worry, I promise.’
Maude took a sip of wine then rested her head on Dottie’s shoulder. ‘Okay, then can I ask you something?’
‘You can always ask me anything you want, you know that, whether I’ll answer is another matter. You know that too.’
Maude tutted. ‘Mmm, I do. The thing is… I get the feeling that when you were here, there was someone special, someone you miss, or are you referring to your comrades in the Maquis when you mention loss?’
Dottie felt her body stiffen if only for a second, then she bent over and pecked Maude on the side of the head. ‘You are very perceptive, dear, and yes I did, in fact I lost two people who I loved dearly but in very different ways. And then there were my friends, the other fighters, such brave young men and women who were betrayed…’
Dottie’s voice cracked causing Maude to sit up straight, quickly placing her glass on the table before hugging Dottie tight. ‘I’m sorry, Gran, I didn’t mean to upset you, let’s talk about something else.’
Dottie managed to raise her arm from beneath the bear hug and patted Maude gently. ‘No need to apologise, it’s all coming back to me in such a rush and it seems that now I’ve opened the proverbial floodgates I can’t stop the tide of…’ Dottie touched her heart, ‘hurt and longing, and anger I suppose. But I want you to hear it, from me, my way, and not necessarily what we did as a movement. You can get films and books about the Resistance from anywhere, and I would hope they taught you all about the war at school. They did, didn’t they?’
Maude nodded. ‘Yes, some, but not in depth and in a way that I could relate to it, like you say, I know more from the telly and Remembrance Day. That’s when it really hits home.’
Dottie bristled. ‘Well that’s simply not good enough and annoyingly, beyond my control. But for me, it goes much deeper than history lessons, Maudie, and I have this tremendous urge for you to know what it was like then, for a young woman. I was around the age you are now, sent off to another country where the life expectancy of an agent was six weeks, that’s if I survived the parachute drop.’
Maude gasped. ‘No way, seriously?’
Dottie merely nodded. ‘You see it changed me, what I saw and did, losing people in the cruellest of ways and even though I will never apologise for my actions during that time, or for the person I became afterwards, I’d like you out of anyone to understand.’
‘I’d be honoured to listen, Gran, and I must write everything down, I get that now. Then I can keep it forever and show my kids, too.’
Dottie smiled. ‘Well that would be lovely, to know that everyone’s names are never forgotten. That would make me very happy.’
Maude released her grip and gave Dottie a kiss on the cheek. ‘Well I can’t wait to hear about it all, especially you jumping out of a plane, seriously that’s epic.’
Laughing, Dottie untangled herself and took a gulp of her gin and once she was more relaxed, decided to lighten the mood. ‘I’ll tell you whatwillbe epic, a kebab. All this chattering has given me an appetite so get a wiggle on. You can pretend you’re an agent who has to get two giant packages past the Boche sentries on reception, I’ll keep lookout.’
Maude laughed and swung her legs off the bed then saluted as she stood. ‘Mission accepted… my treat.’
Dottie watched as Maude searched for her shoes that as usual had been flung into separate corners of the room. Finally located, as was her shoulder bag, Maude set off for the kebab van with strict orders to get plenty of hot sauce and a portion of frites if they had them. When the door to the room finally closed, Dottie flopped against her pillow. She needed a little chat, this time with herself.
Two humongous kebabs eaten and the bag containing the offending containers deposited in a bin on the corridor below, Dottie and Maude were in their beds and preparing to settle down. The window was open slightly to allow in some air while the curtains were partially drawn, leaving a crack of light that streamed into the room, casting a silver beam onto the carpet.
They had stayed well away from any maudlin reminiscences while they ate, however, bowing to her own advice, given earlier while Maude was out, Dottie resolved to start as she meant to go on.
She had spent a lifetime resisting but it was time to face a simple fact. Dottie had to surrender, otherwise what was the point in returning to France?In the grand scheme, maybe it would be a good thing, to let it wash over her. After all, she’d felt so alive back then despite the prospect of capture, torture and death. Another fact that loomed large was her age, maybe she was nearing the end or could rumble on for years, so in that case perhaps an injection of nostalgia would invigorate her. It was worth a try.
Looking over to the shape of her granddaughter who was unusually quiet, she asked, ‘Are you sleepy, Maude?’ Dottie hoped the answer would be no.
