Page 41 of Resistance
They walked along in silence then spotted the street where they’d parked the car. Maude made the next decision. ‘I think we should head back now, Gran, I’m a bit weary so you must be too, you can tell me the rest later, about what happens to Maude, and I still need to know about Uncle Konki. I understand though, why you want to explain at your own pace and I have a feeling there’s going to be more sadness so maybe another day, is that okay with you?’
A sigh escaped from Dottie. ‘Oh yes, that’s perfectly okay with me but I insist you have that big fat pizza so why don’t we get a takeaway to eat in our room. And we can have a bottle of wine and watch some television, how does that sound?’
Maude pulled Dottie close and gave her a peck on the cheek. ‘It sounds perfect, Gran, just like you.’
They crossed and headed towards their car, Dottie feeling relieved that they didn’t have to sit and wait in a restaurant, the comfy seats of the four-by-four seemed like heaven.
‘And I promise to tell you the rest of it… I’m almost at the end now and your dear Uncle Konki, as if by magic, is about to make an appearance.’ Dottie waited patiently while Maude found her keys and after two yellow flashes, the doors clicked open and she was soon relaxing her aching bones and feet, flicking off her shoes and wiggling her toes.
As Maude began making her way out of the city, neither she nor her dozing gran had any idea that the story was nowhere near at its end, because by the end of the week everything that Dottie knew, trusted and believed in would be turned on its head and some brand-new chapters would have to be written.
Maude had finished spraying deodorant around the room in an attempt to disguise the smell of two big fat pizzas, and even though the windows were wide open, the evidence of their illegal dinner hung in the air.
‘Oh, leave it now, Maude, it will be gone by morning and you’re making me restless so do relax. We’ve been on the go since we left London so I thought maybe tomorrow you could do some painting. You’ve been ferrying me around and writing notes like it’s a field trip for grannies, so I want you to do whatever you feel like. I’ll stay here and read my book or if you want some company I’ll tag along, your call.’
Maude put the deodorant on the dressing table and did as she was told, climbing onto her bed and stretching her nicely browning legs. ‘That would be good actually, to do some painting. I had tingly fingers today at the beach and again in Nantes. I thought it would be interesting to capture a street scene and then this idea pinged into my head, a before and after. One snapshot of now and another during the war. You’ve said a couple of times that when you think of London and here, the colours are muted. I wonder if I can translate that into paint, you know, how you felt back then.’
‘Well, my darling, if anyone can do it you can. And you know what’s really odd… when I think of the city, London or Nantes, and here in Châteaubriant, especially anywhere the Germans were, it’s how I described it, dull, grey, smudgy. But where I lived with Tante Helene in the countryside, well in my mind’s eye, the sun shone every day. The sky was so clear and blue, even in winter, and the fields were either vibrant green or yellow, tended or untended, nature found a way. In the autumn I see reds and golds, rich brown fields like fudge cake, winter was white and clear, the pine trees in the forest had emerald boughs and then there was the fire in the grate, yellow and orange, keeping me warm in a house where I felt safe.’
Maude had turned on her side, her prayer hands under her cheek as she listened. ‘That’s because you were happy and in love, despite everything. You had your comrades and Tante Helene and Vincent, that’s the aura they omitted, it’s like I can almost see it glow when you speak.’
That made Dottie feel happy, and Maude was right in her summations. ‘What a lovely way of putting it, Maude, and fancy me having an aura. I always thought I was coated in steel.’
Maude laughed. ‘No, Granny dearest, I can see right through you so no more putting on an act, okay? I like the soft, squashy version of you.’
A lull, the sound of mopeds outside, the little gang of teenagers that appeared to prowl the streets looking for mischief doing their rounds, and the church bell, striking nine.
‘You okay, Gran? Do you want to get an early night, or shall we put the telly on, or the radio?’
Dottie was pulled from her thoughts, of the Gestapo prowling the streets, lurking in the shadows, looking for mischief. There was something she needed to say. Before she moved on with her story. ‘I didn’t understand, you know, about Maude, what she was trying to tell me. I do now and it hurts, a real pain like a stitch through the centre of my heart that I didn’t get to tell her I understood, that no matter what, I would stand by her and be her friend. Oh, how I wish I could have told her.’
‘What didn’t you understand, Gran?’
‘That she was in love with me, and that I was the person her parents would never accept. But worse than that, even if it wasn’t me, whoever she loved it would have had to be in secret and she deserved better than that, my dear, brave, wonderful Maude.’
‘Oh, Gran, that’s so sad. Did she tell you in the letter?’
Dottie dabbed the tear that was about to leak from the corner of her eye, stopping it in its path. ‘Yes, and I can remember every word, I’ve read it so many times, you see. It was in French obviously and addressed to My Dearest D. To anyone who found it, it would appear to be a love letter from a man to a woman, but it wasn’t. I have a copy, I keep it in my address book, here, pass me my bag.’
Maude leapt off the bed and once she’d handed over the handbag, remained silent while her gran found the letter.
Removing it from the zipped section, Dottie unfolded it. ‘It wasn’t long, but enough. I’ll translate it…’
Dearest D,
What a treat it was to see you again and I will be so desperately sad to see you go, the thought of it while I write breaks my heart. Please know that you are never far from my thoughts. The memories of the times we shared hold me up and give me something to cling on to, a glimmer of hope that we will be reunited again. Should this not come to pass, in case this is the last time, our last visit, our last letter, whilst I cannot bring myself to say them out loud, I am compelled to share my innermost thoughts like this, with you, my dearest one.
Since the day you walked into my life, you have filled each moment with happiness and bestowed upon me a gift of friendship, one so precious and wonderful, the kind I have never experienced or thought possible. Even though it seemed like the blink of an eye, I remember each and every day, cherishing those memories like treasure. I wish I had a photograph of you, an impossible notion, so I have committed everything about you to memory and I will hold this image of you close to my heart, to the last, whenever that may be.
Such fanciful ideas and wishes I have for the future, let me tell you so we may think of them separately and please God let them come true. Wherever you live I will find somewhere close by, I don’t care where and I quite fancy a place near your parents’ and dear Mémère. We will see each other every day and never be parted again. Don’t you think that would be perfect, dearest one?
Please know that I am so glad you have found love, but even though your heart belongs to another please save a piece for me, a little corner of your life that I can slot into and be your flighty, unsuitable friend who blows in on the wind to shock your neighbours and spoil your children.
I shall never be permitted to love in the way or with whom I choose, dearest D. And you shall never love me the way I love you but that is fine, I understand and I hope with all my heart that you do too, and accept me, as you always have, for who I am.
I cannot bear to let you go tomorrow, but I will and I must. If I can I shall be brave and smile and be bossy, you know the drill. I have a gift for you, I hid it and brought it with me, naughty I know. Please wear the ring I will give you as a token of my esteem, friendship and love. Think of me often and forever, don’t be afraid to laugh and live and be free, even if I am not there to do those things too.
Promise, dearest one, remember me always, and go on, for me.
