Page 32 of A Good Mother
Was he hinting that she was lazy, or perhaps getting on his nerves? Because while he was still busy working from home, once she’d done the housework, basically all the stuff Babs used to do, and put in a few hours on her column for the magazine, Gina was semi-redundant.
Jimmy, however, was loving home-schooling Max while she entertained Mimi who to be fair, pretty much toddled about in her own world of toys, and as long as she was fed regularly, got her daily dose of CBeebies, and had an afternoon nap, was a dream child.
I bet he’s wondering what I do all day… I’m a lazy cow having a cleaner… I bet he sacks poor Babs… the sooner I get back to full-time work the better, then she can stay. Have I been hiding behind the stay-at-home-mum job description… am I kidding myself that I’m a homemaker… is it even a thing? What if being a kept woman isn’t such a good look… makes me seem boring… I am boring… oh God… I need to do something, right now!
Once she got stuck in, Gina was on a roll. The editor at the magazine loved the idea and offered her a weekly slot on their Facebook page and blog where readers were encouraged to show off their own upcycling while Gina’s job was to inspire.
She began by sorting out the neatly stacked pile of stuff at the back of the garage – tidiness was also Gina’s thing after living in Dirty Debbie’s hovel, and the stuff destined for the recycling section was pimped and jazzed up.
The wooden gift box that once held a bottle of fancy wine was sanded, painted, and transformed into a window ledge herb garden. The pretty but mismatched china plates found in the kitchen of Swallow’s Nest, became cake stands. Soon, readers were posting photos of their hidden gems that’d been given a new lease of life and Jimmy’s spark of an idea soon became Gina’s little triumph.
The only cloud, the one thing that she had no control over was her inability to see Willow and even though Gina spoke to Robin every few days, it wasn’t the same as seeing her best friend in the flesh. It had become part of her weekly routine, spending time at the vicarage, a place as familiar as her own home.
On the days when Mimi went to playgroup, Gina would drive straight over to keep Willow company and give Robin a break, especially when she went away for a few days, visiting her old friend Francesca.
It’d become a regular thing, that and the odd spa weekend or country retreat here and there. Robin accepted that Edmund had no interest in the type of holidays she wanted to go on, so they’d drifted further apart and took breaks separately. Even though Gina thought it was sad, that Robin travelled alone, she assured everyone of her modern woman status, that she was capable of taking a train and would enjoy a few days of tranquillity.
Gina could tell it did Robin good and she always came back looking so much happier and who could blame her? Living with Edmund couldn’t be much fun. You didn’t have to be a marriage guidance counsellor to know that Robin and Edmund barely communicated and were putting on a front for Willow.
Knowing what she did about him, Gina sometimes wished Robin would up and leave the dirty old git. Surely there was someone out there who could make her happy. Still, Edmund’s affair with her Dirty Debbie remained a secret, and Gina hadn’t even told Jimmy mainly because she was too ashamed.
It was something she’d thought about a lot, marriage. Holding one together and how Robin’s life would pan out. For Willow, and her husband, Nate, because now Willow was sick, what would become of their relationship?
They already slept in separate rooms. Nate was a lovely guy, handsome and funny, kind, and clever and even though he’d lost so much, still put one foot in front of the other, taught at the college and remained loyal to his wife, sharing the load with Robin as they cared for Willow round the clock.
But how long would that last? Would his patience run out, would his basic instincts, needs and dreams slowly erode the love he had for Willow? Would he leave her, lost in a world of angels and torment and at the same time, leave Robin in the lurch? It was too awful to contemplate but these things kept Gina awake at night, turning them all over in her head.
And throughout lockdown, that stretched on and on, the newsfeeds hard to watch, it struck Gina that if someone or something chooses to pull the proverbial rug from under you, it will. And the irony was that lockdown, a period in her life that had struck fear into the hearts of millions, was coming to an end, and this prospect terrified Gina.
This meant getting back to a new kind of normal where Jimmy would be free to roam, unguarded, and that thought was killing her. And then she found the key.
A couple of Jimmy’s suits needed cleaning so as she patted them down, ready to give to the laundry service when they called, Gina felt something in the inside pocket of his pin stripe. A Yale key. Attached was a tag and on the reverse a word –alarm– and underneath a number. She knew immediately where it was for.
The discovery had floored her, but she picked herself up, hid the key, then carried on with pretending. It had, however, affirmed her resolve that going forward, nothing could be left to chance and the best things in life should be grabbed and held on to so tightly your knuckles went white.
And that was exactly why for weeks, Gina had been keeping a close eye on the Young Farm, running past every single day, not taking any chances thatshehad snuck back into the country.
Gina prayed they’d never open the borders again, or that the farm would burn down so there’d be absolutely no reason whatsoever for any of the family to come back, least of allher.
In fact, in Gina’s very unhinged moments, usually after she and Jimmy had made love and he’d slipped into sleep, she’d lie there, wondering if he had sex with Bella, if it was on the cards, and if they had, how she measured up. Sometimes Gina imagined what it’d be like to setherand the farm on fire, watch the glow as flames lit up the sky.
She’d planned it all, down to the finest detail. How and when.
She told herself that thinking about murdering someone wasn’t a sin; only doing it was.
And sometimes as Jimmy snored the night away and the gloom of the wee small hours wrapped around her, dialling anxiety up, lighting the gas on her carefully concealed rage, she hated Bella Young so much she might actually be able to do it. Kill her, then everything would be okay.
Turning her gaze from the stars up above, she looked at Jimmy, watching his chest rise and fall, breathing in, breathing out, knowing underneath his T-shirt beat a heart she once thought pure. Maybe it still was. Which was why she had to protect their bubble. Nothing could be allowed to pop it. And once again Gina asked herself the question and dared herself to answer.
‘Would you really kill for him?’
CHAPTERTWENTY
Of course she would.She was sure of it. She would smother that bitch in her sleep with her bare hands, then set her house on fire and destroy the evidence. It would be for the greater good, for her children so they’d never know the heartache of a broken home.
Nothing was too good for them, no act out of bounds. Max and Mimi were her life, her reason for being the best she could be, the antithesis of Debbie. And Gina was nothing like Don either, who didn’t fight for his wife and child and instead just walked away. He should’ve forgiven Debbie for the sake of his daughter; put her before himself; been a better man, then Debbie wouldn’t have cheated. He should have stayed.
That was why Gina was better than both of them because she would do all of those things for her children, anything at all. Even if Jimmy had cheated or continued to do so, she would put up with it, and fight to get him back with everything in her arsenal. She would never give in.
