Page 49 of A Good Mother
‘What will you tell them when they ring?’
Robin bridled, sipped, then answered. ‘The truth.’
‘Even about the knife?’
She crossed her ankles because he could see all her fingers. ‘Yes, of course. Otherwise, they won’t get the whole picture and her medication needs to be right. I’m not stupid, Nate. And anyway, she didn’t actually harm herself, did she? It was the heat of the moment and she’s not done anything like this for a while, so there’s no cause for alarm.’
Her mind replayed a scene she’d tried hard to erase, one where Willow had torn at her clothes and hair, banging her head so hard against the wall her face was covered in bruises, her skin left scratched and sore.
‘Yes, yes you’re right.’ Nate then spooned in cereal, his brow furrowed and deep in thought as he avoided Robin’s eyes.
While she drank her coffee she wondered what was really going on in his head and his life. So, when he swallowed and raised his head, she was somewhat taken aback to be given a rare glimpse. It set her hackles rising and warning bells went off in her head.
‘Do you think, though, we might need to consider the future and what’s best for Willow and you, all of us really?’
Nate’s expression told Robin he was nervous yet there was something about the forthright way he’d delivered the question suggested he’d been wanting to ask it for a while, rehearsed it even.
Not missing a beat Robin retaliated. ‘And what does that mean, exactly? What’s best for all of us might not necessarily be best for Willow, so do expand. Get whatever you really want to say off your chest because I’m all ears.’
As he gathered his breakfast dishes and mug, then stood, Nate answered, hunched over the sink, hiding behind industry and the sudden need to wash the pots, quickly. While his hands scrubbed, he explained and with each word, Robin threw another dagger into his back.
‘I mean that eventually, we’ll need to make proper arrangements for Willow because you can’t be expected to care for her long-term. It’s unfair and it’s putting a strain on your marriage and life, and if she’s not going to get better…’
‘She might. There are new drugs and therapies emerging all the time and she’s only been like this for…’
‘Too long.’ Nate turned and appeared to have remembered he had a spine, which was now erect, his expression determined.
‘I think we need, the two of us, to make an appointment with the consultant and have a proper face-to-face discussion about Willow’s treatment and prognosis. This past year we’ve managed with Zoom meetings and phone calls and rare visits from the nurse, and it’s not enough. We need to know if this is how it’s always going to be, if there is actually another route we can take, trials, or even permanent residential care where Willow will get one-to-one…’
‘NO!’ Robin shouted the word, causing both of them to jump at its ferocity. ‘No, I mean it, Nate, I will never allow Willow to go back into one of those hospitals. I couldn’t bear it; it’s cruel taking her away from home and putting her amongst strangers. Why do you think I literally dedicate my days to her? To prevent just that.’
When she noticed that his expression hadn’t softened at her words, his shoulders remained stiff, his lips set in a line, Robin felt a trickle of fear down her spine. A firm voice in her head urged her to tread softly, with care.
‘Look, I know you’re worried and so am I. And I’m sorry for shouting but you have a lot on, with the new term and all the responsibilities that come with it so just leave Willow to me. I promise I don’t resent you or Willow one bit. I’m glad to take the burden off so please, Nate, please hold off on making any decisions. We’re okay as we are for now.’
A sigh, then he pushed away from the sink and grabbed his jacket from the back of the chair. His silence gave Robin hope, and a sense of relief that the conversation was almost at a close. She just had to bide her time and he’d be gone. Off to college and free from the responsibilities that having a poorly wife entailed, unshackled for a few hours from the chains of married life. All she needed now was his answer, then she could breathe.
‘Okay, we’ll leave it for now but one more episode like last night and we’ll have to look at alternatives. For Willow’s sake, if nobody else.’ He picked up his bag from beside the table and was about to leave when he turned. ‘I’m sorry if I’ve upset you, Robin. That wasn’t my intention and please try to get some sleep today. I’ll give you a call at lunchtime and see if you’ve had any joy from the care team.’
And with that he gave her the briefest smile and turned, leaving Robin alone with her cold coffee and a head full of thoughts; but if she’d hoped for a few moments to put them in order, she was sorely disappointed. As one problem left the building, another greater one entered the room. Edmund.
CHAPTERTHIRTY
After brief morningpleasantries were exchanged with Nate, Edmund strode purposefully into the kitchen and flicked on the kettle, occupying a minute or two with the gathering of pots and cutlery, setting them on the worktop next to the drainer. His silence didn’t perturb Robin. It was nothing out of the ordinary in fact it was their ordinary, the way things were, and she was glad of it.
Had she not been tired and unsettled she might, as she’d done many times before, allow herself a smile at the ridiculousness of the scene. Acting like student flatmates who’d had a tiff the day before over something trivial, like not cleaning the communal bathroom, or taking the last of the other person’s milk.
The problem, if it could be called that because actually, it was more of a status quo, was far from trivial. It was their lives and despite her stubborn determination not to budge an inch, Robin still had the common sense to see how sad it was, how futile and unnecessary being them had become.
Today, however, she had a feeling Edmund would have things to say because he couldn’t bear being overruled and the events of the previous evening were about to be aired. When he’d finished making his cup of tea he turned and took the seat recently vacated by Nate. Not wishing to be lectured to, and wanting the upper hand, Robin pre-empted his opening line.
‘I don’t have all day and I need to check on Willow; then I have calls to make. So let’s get it over with, I know you’re dying to tell me where I’m going wrong and how it’s going to be.’
The cafetiere was almost empty and its contents probably lukewarm. Robin was in dire need of more fresh, hot caffeine, but that would entail spending longer in the kitchen so instead she opted for the dregs. Robin poured, Edmund sighed, and then she listened.
‘Willow is sleeping. I went in to pray with her and she was out for the count the whole time. Didn’t even stir when I left, so we have time to talk.’
Hackles rising, the mere thought of him spouting his useless rhetoric ignited the desire for flight. Robin pushed back her chair, halted only by the first two words of Edmund’s next comment.
