Page 65 of A Good Mother
A couple of glasses was her limit in order to remain alert in case Willow needed her. And in the light of Gina’s information, Robin would have to be doubly on the ball now she knew Edmund was playing mind games.
The reason for her stalling tactics wasn’t actually down to avoiding a conversation about Nate; it was because Babs’ heart-to-heart and the baring of her soul had deeply touched Robin. It also rattled her cage because some of what she’d said had been uncomfortable listening.
It was no secret to Babs or Gina that her marriage to Edmund had more or less broken down. The parishioners most likely believed she’d had some kind of breakdown to match that of Willow, or she was grieving. Robin didn’t give a toss what they thought.
She and Edmund were never seen together outside the vicarage. She never attended services, and even if Gina or Babs were unfortunate enough to be there when Edmund was around, you could cut the air with a knife.
Robin had even mentioned in passing to Babs that she wished there was space in Willow’s room for a small single bed, or that they had four bedrooms; anything to not share a room with Edmund. The desire to draw a line between them, even down their mattress, was immense and secretly, she knew Arty hated the thought of her lying in the marital bed. The whole thing reeked of shame and embarrassment.
At least after the news about Nate, that little problem had been solved and at last, there would be room at the inn, the second she gave him his marching orders. For the time being she would endure it.
What she couldn’t shake was Babs’ mention of dedication, to her children and how she wished she’d acted sooner, compared to Gina’s intention to put them above herself. Robin had done both and hated seeing a reflection of herself up close and personal.
If Babs did leave Pete and the family, would Robin admire her, or despise her? Not for the act, but because it would make Babs seem strong and that made Robin feel weak.
She’d missed her chances, but at the same time had she not stayed with Edmund, Willow would be alone, or would she? Would Robin’s affair with Arty have profoundly changed all of their lives, many courses of events? Would she have moved to France and if so, they’d never have gone to town that day because the shopping trip had been Robin’s idea.
Oh God, help me.
Someone tapping the table saved Robin from her mental torture.
‘Earth to Robin.’
Robin looked at Babs who gave her a quizzical look. ‘Are you okay, love? You’ve gone a bit pale.’
‘Yes, yes, I’m fine… this is my autumn shade of unhealthy. I need a daily dose of sunshine to keep my fair skin and freckles looking perky and this dreary October grey isn’t helping. Do either of you want more drinks?’ Robin attempted a jovial tone, but it hadn’t managed to reach her heart that was wallowing in the past and wary of the future.
It seemed Babs was determined to sort everything out. ‘So, do you know how you’re going to approach it with Nate? I don’t envy you that conversation.’
Robin sighed. ‘No idea. He’s away for a couple of days and won’t be back until Thursday. He’s taken a field trip to the Lakes, or so he says. Let’s face it, he could be with his lover for all I know.’
‘I could get our Demi to find out, you know, ask about at college and see if there are any field trips at the moment. I know her name though if that’s any help. Then you can hit him with all the info, so he can’t wiggle out of it.’
Did she want to know? Then spend all night trying to put an imaginary face to a name. ‘What’s she called?’
‘Josie Bilton. She teaches English. I can find her on Facebook if you like. Or would you prefer not to see?’
Of course she wanted to see, now she had the name, she wanted a face to hate and blame for stealing Nate away from Willow. And then, in the time it took to Babs rummage in her rucksack, find her phone then jab and scroll the screen, Robin had realised what a big fat hypocrite she was being. Where was her understanding and humility?
Had she forgotten that Nate had suffered too. Had lost not only Maya but his wife and marriage as he knew it. And from somewhere, he’d found the strength to get up each morning and go to work, forge ahead, forge a life that didn’t contain the two people he’d once loved the most and perhaps still did. But they were gone. Maya for sure. Willow, indefinitely.
Josie Bilton’s smile lit up the screen. She was pretty, a brunette, and petite. Who could blame him? How could she look Nate in the eye and say she didn’t understand why he wanted to be with someone who made him happy, lightened his load, made him look forward to the day and leave at home the sadness he carried around with him.
After she’d looked at the screen, she asked Babs and Gina the same question.
Gina answered first. ‘Because he’s married. He should stick at it and not just throw in the towel the first chance he gets. He has responsibilities, a duty of care to his wife and the memory of their baby. Surely he can see that. And it’s so easy, isn’t it, because he has you here, twenty-four-seven, leaving him free to do what he wants.’
Babs had her say next. ‘I see it from both sides. I don’t think there’s a right or wrong. Nate’s had to cope with so much, too, and who knows how loss affects people in different ways. The only person who seems to be totally absolved of any feeling or responsibility is the vicar. Unless he just doesn’t show it.’
‘Okay,’ said Gina. ‘So we have to take into consideration Nate’s feelings and maybe I’m projecting my anger and confusion at the “Jimmy situation” but I’m so let down. That’s my overall feeling. That people always let us down, don’t they. And as for the vicar. I’m sorry, Robin, but I can’t imagine what goes on in his head and I don’t think I want to.’ Gina’s shoulder’s sagged as she began tearing up a serviette, leaving shreds of paper on the tablecloth.
‘I know what you mean, Gina. That’s how I feel. Very let down. I’m not angry at Nate and in some ways I’m sorry for him. The man he used to be wouldn’t find deceit easy and I hope that his betrayal of Willow, and of my trust in him, weighs heavy. That would be some punishment, I suppose. I’m not condoning what he’s done but I can’t castigate him for it either.’
‘Well I think that’s very generous of you, Robin. I don’t think I’d be so, what’s that word that begins with m…?’
Gina helped out. ‘Magnanimous.’
‘Yes, that’s it.’ Babs paused, then had another question. ‘Are you going to tell Edmund?’
