Page 73 of A Good Mother
Two hours. That was how long she’d sat on the floor, slumped against the tumble dryer feeling even more foolish than she had for a very long time.
Those two hours had, however, been used much more wisely than those where she’d lain awake planning to murder Bella. The questions came fast and furious as did the answers. Where had her dignity gone? Down the toilet with her dinner and almost every other meal she’d eaten that week.
She needed to be more like her friends. Robin conducted herself with an abundance of dignity: holding her head high in the face of village whisperers, staring eyes, and tragedy; refusing to turn her back on Willow; surviving grief; standing up to the vicar who’d slowly and surely eroded a whole family.
Robin was made of strong stuff. Be like Robin.
And then Babs who was about to change the course of her future forever. The days of sacrificing her dreams were gone. And as much as she loved her children, always would, she was convinced that being a good mother didn’t mean making yourself miserable for them. Max and Mimi had Gina, had each other. She had a talent and a future. And if she was brave, that would be enough.
Babs was brave. Be like Babs.
Jimmy was going to leave. In which case Gina had two options. Let him go and retain her dignity and, no matter how terrifying it might seem, forge a new life for herself. Or she could scream and rage and beg, then when he’d slammed the door, grab a bottle of gin, curl up on the sofa and turn into her mother.
Debbie was weak and selfish. Don’t be like Debbie.
And then there was Willow. Her beautiful lost friend dealt the cruellest of hands, who had the kindest soul and saw good in everyone, who hoped to change the world and earn a Blue Peter badge. But the little girl who’d set the caged birds free had ended up trapped inside her own head, forsaken by the man who’d promised to be there in sickness and in health.
Willow was powerless and at the mercy of her husband’s whim. Don’t be like Willow.
Looking in on the lives of others had brought clarity to Gina’s own, a kind of revelation. By the time she’d heard her little monsters stomping about above, and their voices on the stairs her bum was numb, but her tears had dried. And Bella Young wasn’t dead.
She was still a dirty marriage-wrecking slag who Gina hoped would ruin Jimmy’s life but that was by the by. She had dippy eggs and soldiers to prepare and a husband to say goodbye to.
The sound of Jimmy’s McLaren pulling onto the drive made Gina swoon but not in the way she used to. And when she heard the key in the lock and the creak of a door, she thought she might faint.
Her fingers gripped the arm of the chair as she waited for him to spot her, having left the door open wide. Footsteps from behind, and then his voice. ‘Oh, there you are. Just give me a sec, I need to grab something from upstairs…’ His feet pounded on the glass panels, his voice trailing, ‘…the kids were a bit giddy in the car… Mum and Dad will have their hands full this weekend I can tell you…’ More footsteps returning and then he was in the room.
He’d been to his office. Gina knew every sound their house made, pinpoint footstep accuracy. The manilla envelope in his hand confirmed it, and more.
Jesus… divorce papers, he’s going to give them to me right now.
Jimmy was nervous, she could tell by the pinched expression so when he came and sat by her side on the sofa, far too close for comfort and laid the envelope on the coffee table, she almost flinched, not sure how to react. When he took her hand in his it only added to her confusion.
‘You and I need to talk, don’t we?’
She couldn’t speak so stared instead, not wanting his hand in hers but too stunned to pull it away.
‘I wanted to speak to you last night, but I wasn’t sure… I didn’t want a massive row in front of the kids, but I felt terrible knowing you’re upset with me, and I really needed to explain. I almost did about ten times. When you went to bed early it kind of made it easier, but now the kids are…’
‘What do you mean, you know I’m upset with you?’
He sighed. ‘Babs rang me last night, just after I spoke to Mum. That’s why I was late because I had to pull over while she gave me a right royal rollocking.’
‘Babs rang you…’ Gina wasn’t sure whether to be relieved or cross. ‘What did she say?’
‘She said a LOT of things because that one’s got the gift of the sodding gab, but in a nutshell she told me you think I’m up to no good with Bella bloody Young of all people. Which I’m certainly not.’
‘You’re not?’ Joy, pure unadulterated joy, and relief had begun to flow through Gina’s body, starting in her heart. And then she tensed. How could she be sure?
Jimmy shook his head and answered Gina’s question before she could ask.
‘I have no idea how you’ve come to this conclusion, but Babs said you’d discovered a key, some texts, and bizarrely, two sex phones.’ His lips quivered slightly, and his eyes crinkled at the corners, but he managed to quell an inappropriate giggle and carried on.
‘And she felt really guilty because it was her – and I quote – “big gob” that started it all off when she saw me going to the Young place.’
Gina allowed the flow of happiness to continue and relaxed slightly. He was being far too glib and unconcerned for someone who was about to serve divorce papers.
It was time she had her say.
