Page 80 of A Good Mother
Last night, while Pete was down the pub and the kids were watchingGoggleboxdownstairs, I felt so sly, gathering my toiletries and make-up, and hiding them in the drawer. Secretly putting my shoes in a carrier bag and folding my getaway clothes in a pile, ready to take from the wardrobe later. Then I did a big online shop, so they’ll have everything they need for the week ahead. I got them loads of treats, and all their favourites. Comfort food, I suppose, seeing as I won’t be here to give them any. It’ll arrive later this afternoon.
You know what would’ve been easier? A bloody big row!
Like the other day in the car. I missed a trick there because I should’ve stormed home, dragged my suitcase from the loft and thrown in whatever came to hand. Then I’d have stomped off to Mum’s, booked a flight and buggered off.
The anger would have fuelled me on, got me onto the plane at least, but I can feel myself wavering, overthinking things and that’s not helpful. Being organised, giving the house a thorough going over while they all slept through the early hours. Preparing a text to my clients saying that for the foreseeable they’re cleaner-less. Trying to do my best for them before I do my worst has kind of made it harder, but I can’t go back now. I have to do this.
The other thing that’s bugging me is what people will say when word gets round The Willows that I’ve left Pete. They’ll all know down the Co-op, and at the church. That lot of God-botherers are a right bunch of gossips and will love this.
Now I know how Debbie, Gina’s mum must have felt having the whole village talking about her and they did – me included. Karma is going to come and bite me on the bum for that, I reckon.
That’s one of the reasons why I rang Jimmy because as much as I love the bones of Gina, she’s a ditherer and something had to give. It’s bad enough that everyone knows about the vicar and Debbie, and there were more rumours that he was a bit too touchy-feely with some of the WI ladies, the dirty dog. Who knows who he’s been having a dabble with over the years and poor Robin never knew, and neither does Gina.
I didn’t want her to be gossiped about behind her back. One way or another she had to be put out of her misery.
I didn’t actually intend to spill the beans about Bella, just give Jimmy a hint and a nudge that Gina was struggling and getting herself into a state but he more or less ground me down for information. Then I blabbed. He was going to go home and have it out with her but when he said he’d booked a weekend away, I suggested he left it till the little ones were at their gran’s. I hate it when kiddies are upset and a few more hours wouldn’t make much difference.
All’s well that ends well though. They both texted me to say that they’d sorted it out and thanked me for my help. I have to say I sighed with relief when I read it, knowing neither of them were cross with me.
Not like Pete. He’s not spoken to me since our row in the car. He said my behaviour was embarrassing and he thinks I’m unhinged so I told him to get stuffed, or words to that effect and I’ve slept on the sofa since.
Oh my. I can hear movement overhead. I’ve got terrible butterflies, but Demi promised to be with me when I tell everyone. I feel so guilty that my daughter is in some ways an accessory to my departure. I’ve told her not to take sides and be kind and supportive to her dad when I’ve gone. She’s promised she will and I’m glad because I don’t want their relationship affected. This is between me and Pete.
Here they come, baby elephants. Time to face the music. It’s weird, because the minute my feet touch the floor, it will begin, the day I change my life, and that of my kids, and Pete forever. I can’t put it off anymore. Duvet off, slippers on, big girl pants hitched up. I’m ready. It’s now or never.
CHAPTERFORTY-NINE
Pete had gone outin a huff. The pillock. He’d waited till Babs went into the shower then hot-footed it downstairs, telling Sasha he was going to Calvin’s to help him take down his garden shed and would be gone all day. His absence had scuppered her well-rehearsed plan and he was ignoring her calls and texts that basically said come home now, we need to talk TODAY and it’s urgent. That was almost two hours ago and still nothing.
Still it had given her time to put all her stuff in her wheelie case that was standing at the bottom of the stairs. She’d left it there on purpose, hoping the sight of it would be a conversation starter, rather than launching straight into – just wanted to let you know I’m leaving. Her passport and travel documents were in her bag and all she needed to do was tell Pete and the kids.
Easier thought than done.
Checking the clock on the mantelpiece Babs saw she was running out of time and patience. A tight band of anxiety began to pull at her chest and her breathing became more rapid. She had to do something otherwise she’d snap, the tension and expectation of hours of thinking was getting to her which was why she stood and marched into the hall.
Calling out, her voice making it quite clear she wasn’t in the best of moods, she summoned her children from whichever room they were hiding, sleeping or Lord only knew what-ing in. ‘Isaac, Fiona, Sasha, Demi, will you come down here right now. I need to speak to you all. And I mean NOW!’
They looked like the three wise monkeys lined up on the sofa. Sasha, Isaac, and Fiona who Babs had included in her summons because well, she was family too. Demi had taken one of the armchairs leaving Pete’s free, in case he bothered to show up. None of them had commented on the shiny black case in the hall, so maybe they weren’t so wise after all, or they just didn’t care.
Babs was standing in front of the fireplace, her heart hammering but after an encouraging smile from Demi, followed by an almost imperceptible nod, she got on with it.
‘I was hoping your dad would be here too, but he disappeared before I got chance to speak to him in private and he’s ignoring my texts so, I’ll tell you, instead.’
She swallowed, took a breath then got it over with. ‘It probably won’t come as a shock to you, but me and your dad haven’t been getting on for a while now, so I’ve decided to go away for a while, put some space between us.’
Nobody spoke.
‘I’m going to stay with Tom and Cris for a while and–’
Sasha piped up, ‘Is that your case then, in the hall? I just presumed Demi was going somewhere.’
‘No, it’s me that’s going and–’
‘Why don’t you take Dad? A holiday will be do you both good. You can sort out whatever’s bugging the pair of you.’ Like father like son. Isaac obviously thought that two weeks away was the cure-all.
Babs suddenly felt weary, so she perched on the edge of Pete’s chair and tried to explain. ‘Isaac, I don’t think a holiday is going to fix me and your dad and that’s the other thing I want to tell you. I’m not just going on holiday, I’m leaving. I’m leaving your dad.’
Isaac leant forward, arms resting on his knees. ‘What?! You mean as in splitting up. But why? Does Dad know?’
