Page 58 of A Family Affair
You will have guessed that we became lovers and she, being twenty years older, had much to teach me about so many things. Mother was also entranced by Ursula for a myriad of reasons, and none like mine.
During the month in Verbier, Ursula absorbed us into her ‘set’, and when the holiday ended, she invited me to stay in London where she would be my chaperone.
Obviously Mother was thrilled and agreed immediately. She also couldn’t wait to get back and tell the Cheshire set all about our political connections with the landed gentry.
Even though Mother was a lady, her title would die with her. Therefore the Marquess as an ally was a gift because I was the Chamberlains’ last hope. The only one left to bag another title when she bagged a husband and I had already decided that was never going to happen.
For the first time ever I was happy with my life. I commuted between Chamberlain and London where for almost two years Ursula and I conducted a very discreet affair.
Father had agreed to the stud farm and whilst I was over the moon at having what I considered to be a career of my own, it also gave me a valid excuse to see Ursula, who had no end of contacts in the equine world.
I was content and in love and had no reason to believe that my utopia would ever end. I played the game and was seen with plenty of eligible bachelors who were happy to wine and dine the heiress to a large estate in Cheshire, titled or untitled.
Mother was of course still eager that I’d find a match, but contented herself with photographs of me at Ascot in the Royal enclosure with Ursula and her glittering set. So apart from being forced into wedlock, what could go wrong?
Not so much a case of what, but who. Uncle Oscar.
I should have known by the look on his face during dinner. The sneer whenever I spoke and the chill in his eyes if I looked in his direction. The disdain in his voice was missed only by my father who spoke a similar language and was too interested in his food. My mother on the other hand became edgy, ate nothing and sipped water to quell her nerves.
At the grand old age of twenty-one I was actually allowed to join in the conversation and have an opinion which, along with my newfound life, was liberating. But with each comment I made, or question I asked, Oscar turned it around and made me sound foolish and naïve. Worse, the thing that caused my blood to cool was his frequent unnecessary references to Ursula.
Eyeing me closely he’d take a glug of wine, then say something like, ‘Ah, I suppose you heard that from your dear friend the Marquess,’ or ‘sounds to me like you’re spending too much time with Ursula and her racy set,’ and the gut-twisting, ‘Do you see much of Clive when you’re in London? Such a good chap, don’t you think so, Clarissa? I must arrange drinks with him at the club.’
I swallowed the spoonful of dessert I’d stupidly placed in my mouth and after forcing it down, it threatened to come straight back up again. I held my nerve, just.
Oscar knew something. I could tell. But whether it was the truth about me and Ursula, or he was hoping I’d misbehaved with one of the decoys I’d been seen with, I wasn’t sure. I prayed it was the latter.
Mother retired to bed the second coffee was served and I followed suit but didn’t sleep a wink. Which was why, when I was once again summoned to Father’s study the following morning I looked dreadful and feared the worst.
CHAPTER44
Iwill never ever forget that day. The things they said to me. The threats they made. How I was made to feel. But what hurt me the most was thathe,Oscar, was privy to the conversation between my father and me. And that my mother hid in her room and didn’t support me.
I sat in the chair in front of his desk. Oscar was to his right in the leather wing back chair, smoking a cigarette. Father stood as he laid out the facts as Oscar had no doubt gleefully reported them.
The rumours in London were rife about me and Ursula. We thought we’d been discreet but somehow someone, perhaps a maid, or one of her inner circle, had betrayed us. At first I denied it, but I’ve never been a good liar and they saw through me immediately.
The tears didn’t help, or my trembling body. My cheeks burned with a shame I shouldn’t have felt because right up until that moment Ursula and I had been beautiful, special, and pure. They made me feel dirty and cheap and worse, like a freak.
‘So it’s true then. Good Lord Clarissa how could you? Are you ill… did she force you?’ I couldn’t look at Father and I jumped when he banged his fist on the desk.
‘No I’m not ill and Ursula didn’t force me to do anything.’ I was terrified but at the same time I had to speak out, because I would not betray us or what we had together, ‘And we’re in love.’
A roar like a wounded animal preceded silence so deafening that it made my head pound. Then I dared myself to look up. Father had his back to me and was staring out of the window. He didn’t turn around as I spoke.
‘Father, please listen. I didn’t mean to upset you and we tried so terribly hard to keep our feelings secret.’ I didn’t apologise, even though I suppose that’s what he expected but I wasn’t sorry for what I’d done. Only that we’d been caught.
Still my father remained silent, so Oscar took it upon himself to speak on his behalf. ‘Well you’ve done an appalling job because if the rumour has reached my ear, it won’t be long before the press get hold of it and then you, your lover and her husband will be ruined. Worse, you will disgrace our family name. So I hope you’re proud of yourself.’
When I turned in his direction I hope that the contempt I felt for him was plain to see. Never have I hated someone like I did in that moment. Even Mr Hitler came a poor second.
‘Who told you? And does Clive know?’
‘I’m not prepared to divulge my sources but as for poor Clive, perhaps he’s being protected from the truth. Which is why we need to do everything in our power to quash these shameful, obnoxious and frankly sickening rumours and save this family’s reputation.’ He took a long satisfying drag of his cigarette and I had an incredible urge to lunge and push it down his throat.
My head spun as I tried to take in what they were insinuating. The underlying threat in Oscar’s tone. The key words that held a clue to my fate.
Poor Clive.Sympathy clearly lay with the cuckolded husband.
