Page 61 of A Family Affair
And then there was Oscar. Who hovered, threatening to disrupt the equilibrium, always waiting for his chance to seize the estate and put one of his sons in Clarissa’s place. Her mother’s contempt of Oscar was a useful barrier, but it wasn’t enough, so Clarissa had to tread carefully. And it was her desire to thwart her uncle that fuelled Clarissa and made her more determined to make a huge success of the stud farm and the estate. And she did.
‘Did you ever meet anyone else? Didn’t you get lonely?’
Clarissa tilted her head to one side and as always, had the urge not to make anyone sad, but she wanted Chuck to know the truth. It was important to her.
‘Yes, I did get lonely because I’m only human, but I found that if I filled my days being the best I could be… and you have to remember that back then it wasn’t as though we could swipe left, or is it right? You know what I mean.’ She could see he was laughing, and it was about time after all the soul searching.
‘And anyway, I’d been badly bitten once, so I was scared of taking the risk again. Rejection is simply dreadful no matter how many excuses you make for someone. Try to absolve them of the cruelty in order to feel a smidgen better about yourself.’
‘Did you forgive Ursula, for cutting you off like that? I don’t think I could’ve. When my girlfriend ran off with that guy in New York I thought I was gonna die of a broken heart. Didn’t move from my room for days… so I kinda know what it feels like. I’d left my friends and my life behind for her and I felt so stupid. So I can’t forgive her or forget how much she hurt me.’
Clarissa knew exactly what Chuck meant. ‘Ah, the old, forgive and forget nonsense… well, just like you I have never understood how you can do that. I suppose one can look objectively at why someone acted in a certain way, my mother for example.
‘She hurt me immensely by taking Father’s side but that was the way of her world. He was in charge. His word was law. So Iamable to forgive her to a certain extent, I think. Although I will never forget many things. I don’t think it’s possible. Unless I’m just being a stubborn old thing. Maybe it’s in the genes, who knows.’
Chuck smiled, ‘I guess you’re right and that makes me feel like we have a connection, passed down through history, bringing me here to this moment because we mightn’t have shared much together, but wehavebeen through things that help us understand each other and brought us closer. Heck, maybe I can actually be glad for those things even though they were hell at the time.’
Clarissa had suddenly come over all emotional and couldn’t quite speak so reached out. Her tiny hand was immediately entombed by Chuck’s great bear paw. They sat for a moment in the quiet, listening to the wind outside as they watched the flames in the coal fire, the orange glow warming Clarissa as much as Chuck’s words had done.
Pulled together again, she found some reciprocal words of comfort for the man beside her. ‘That was such a wonderful thing to say, Chuck, and I will always feel very blessed to have spent this time with you. And I do hope you won’t rush away any time soon. I’m sure we have some more adventures in us yet.’
‘I’m happy to stay if you’ll have me. Being here with you, and around animals and in the countryside soothes my soul and while I do miss Kentucky, I’d miss you too if I went home right now.’
Clarissa gave his hand a jiggle. ‘Well that’s settled then. Now, how about another mug of cocoa. And I think Jennifer may have dissolved in her bath or nodded off so would you do the honours and pop the kettle on?’
‘I’ll do that right away, and I’ll check on Miss Jennifer too. See if she’d like one, and maybe some toast?’
‘Toast it is.’ Clarissa watched as Chuck gathered their empty glasses and mugs and disappeared towards the kitchen.
Once he was gone Clarissa plumped up the cushions and relaxed into the sofa. Talking about the past always exhausted her, but before Chuck returned she relished a moment alone, to pause and take stock of their conversation.
CHAPTER46
More than anything, Clarissa hoped that one day others would look back and say she’d done her bit. Given back more than she’d taken through charity work and supporting trusts here and there. Making sure the estate thrived so those who worked there had an income and the tenants in the farms and cottages had decent homes. That was what counted.
Even though she lived a comfortable and, some would say, charmed existence, Clarissa didn’t have a taste for the high life and fancy holidays or clothes. She was a country girl at heart. Happy at home, at Chamberlain.
The fact was that the good times began once her father died and she took the reins. Everything became so much easier then. Her mother left her to it, fading into the floral wallpaper of her private rooms where she seemed content to just be, as though relieved to be unburdened by the pressure of society and her marriage.
All in all, tumultuous events and having her heart broken aside, Clarissa would not allow herself to grumble about her lot. Also, tucked in a quiet corner of her heart, Chamberlain was a link to her sister, no matter how tenuous.
Was she still waiting for Eleonora to come back? Perhaps. For many years she had often looked down the long drive and imagined a lone figure, carrying a tatty brown suitcase, perhaps a beret set at a jaunty angle on her head. The figure would wave, Clarissa would gasp and realise who it was, race outside whatever the weather and then they’d be reunited.
Even when she was away at school Clarissa had harboured fantastical notions where Eleonora would track her down and, in between secret missions they would meet in the woods, clinging on to one another with only minutes to spare before her sister disappeared into the trees, off to do her bit.
But there was one more thing she had to do with her life. And talking with Chuck had only reaffirmed her fears that current events were mirroring those of the past. She still had to address the tricky subject of naming an heir and – like a scene on a television drama, the volume turned up high – she could hear echoes of her scheming uncle in her ear.
If she’d had suspicions in the past about Tristan Henderson, talking about Oscar had made the hairs on her arms tingle and unease creep up on her. Something had to be done, and soon.
Footsteps in the hall broke her concentration and, with the creak of the parlour door, Chuck reappeared announcing as he strode towards the fireplace, ‘Miss Jennifer has survived her bath bomb and says she’ll be down in five minutes and will make some supper and the cocoa.’
Chuck then stoked the fire and added a log to the orange-red coal. Once he was satisfied with the flame, he returned to the sofa, causing the cushions to bounce and the frame to creak as he re-arranged the blanket that lay over Clarissa’s knees.
Expecting the arrival of Jennifer any minute, Clarissa decided to broach the Tristan subject, get it over with, otherwise even the brandy wouldn’t help her nod off and she’d be going over and over it in her mind.
‘Dearest Chuck, all that talk of Oscar has reminded me of the way he behaved leading up to the death of my father and it’s bothering me, making me uneasy, so I’d like to get something off my chest. It has to do with you, the bad blood with my uncle, just so you know.’
Chuck’s eyes widened, ‘I’m guessing this is because I’m descended from Oscar’s son, the one who married the heiress.’
