Page 7 of The Good Girl
Julia’s very loud huffing sound not only surprised Molly but the couple seated on the next table and the waiter who raised his bushy brows then continued on his way.
‘Nope… not anymore. I’ll be having my usual wash and blow but the days of having needles stuck in my face and gunk pumped into my lips are well and truly over. I’m going to grow old gracefully and embrace my wrinkles and crinkles and saggy bits. I might even flog the gym equipment and have a library built and grow old and fat reading books. Sod the treadmill and the rowing machine. I’m done with feeling like I have to look a certain way for a certain person… or anyone for that matter.’ Julia took a large glug of wine and settled back into her seat, as though her decision had freed her of a burden.
Exercising caution, not wanting to prod the beast, Molly asked, ‘But I thought you liked keeping fit and eating healthy and you’re always banging on about keeping up appearances at work and setting an example. So what’s changed?’
Julia sighed, paused a moment as if in deep thought then replied, ‘Why do you think? Ever since I got together with Shane I’ve had to deal with the whispers and snidey comments about the age gap and yes, it did bother me so I tried extra hard to look good and compete with the demons in my head and anyone around me who fancied their chances with my toy boy husband.’
‘Mum, that’s not true…’ Molly interjected; her comment met by a raised palm.
‘Oh it is, and I deserved it because I was stubborn and knew exactly what I was getting into but now, things are different between me and Shane so why should I fight for him? Not just that, I’ve told you plenty of times lately when I’m grumbling on and doing your head in why I’m unhappy. Like the way he shows me up at ClearGlass with his zero-work ethic. He’s fickle, vain, and quite frankly, Molly, the man bores me stupid. There’s no common ground in our marriage anymore and I really don’t know what I saw in him in the first place. I was stupid and I regret it. I’m not going to waste the rest of my life flogging myself to death to look good for a man I can’t keep, who’s not interested in me anymore and I’m certainly not interested in him. So, my precious girl, once you’re at Princeton things are going to change and everything I do will be for me. My face, my body, my rules.’
Molly sat in stunned silence, not sure how to react or what to say to all that. One thing she did know was that her mum was getting drunk and loose-lipped and she needed to get her home. But there was something bugging her and she had to ask. ‘Well that’s all very admirable, Mum, about doing things for your own reasons but what do you mean about not being able to keep Shane. Do you think he’d cheat on you? And change… What does that mean and why are you waiting for me to go to college to do it?’
The second the questions were out there, Molly could tell they had a sobering effect on her mum who straightened slightly and repositioned her body, leaning forward and resting her forearms on the table, clearly taking a moment to compose a response.
‘It’s nothing for you to worry about, sweetheart, I promise. I don’t know if Shane would cheat, I just meant that sooner or later something has to give because me and him can’t go on living like we do. It’s not good for anyone, especially Dee so, once I know you’re all settled in America I can focus on the best wayforward. It’s a case of one step at a time and right now, you are my priority, okay.’
Julia reached forward and placed her beautifully manicured hand on Molly’s cheek before saying, ‘Please remember always that you are so precious to me and I love you more than you will ever know, so just trust me. I want you to be happy and have the best life. I always have and always will so promise me you’ll go out there and live it. Don’t let anything or anyone get in your way, ever. Do you understand, Molly?’
And although the whole afternoon had turned a lot heavier than she expected, Molly sensed that the last few minutes had meant a lot to her mum who was speaking from the heart. That even though she was holding things back, probably protecting her like she’d always done, a mother needed to hear her child’s promise. And Molly wanted to give it, knowing somehow it was one of those pivotal moments in life.
‘Of course, I promise. I’ll make you proud, Mum. I’ll remember what you said and not let anyone spoil things and I won’t let you down, either. Cross my heart.’ And Molly did, just to be on the safe side.
Then, with her free hand she took Julia’s and held it tightly, pushing all the deceit and betrayal away, locked in the special moment, making a memory and clinging on to her mother’s hand as though it was for the final time.
Chapter Six
After the mother and daughter bonding session, in the lead-up to the party the atmosphere at the Lassiter residence continued to teeter on unbearable. Family harmony was non-existent. Meals were eaten in staggered silences. Dinner had been weird. Julia ate on the patio with Dee, the two of them alone at the giant glass table. Molly took a sandwich to her room.
When Julia came down for breakfast, Shane disappeared into the gym. It was the same if she entered a room where Shane was sitting: he muttered something and left. Their avoidance of each other was comically strategic, like chess players caught in an endless stalemate.
It might have made Molly feel smug, once. The tension, the knowing glances, the petty jabs. But now, after her mum’s heart-to-heart it only fed her guilt. The night before, she hadn’t slept a wink, going over what might happen to her family when she was in America. Her mum had definitely changed and she was suspicious of Shane.
Something was going on, Molly was sure of it and to her own shame, regardless of what she saw and knew, all she could think about was herself.
After the lunch with her mum, she’d gone to her room and prayed, actually got down on her knees by her bed and begged for her secret not to be discovered. She also swore to herself that if her prayer was answered, once she was at Princeton, she would eradicate Shane from her mind as long as her mum was okay. In fact, if she could have speeded up time, Molly would be on that plane already waving the past goodbye.
And then there was Dee.
Poor Dee was sat in the crossfire of a silent war, with no clue that life as she knew it was coming to an end. Molly watched Dee watching her family with anxious eyes, always trying to fill the space with chatter, hoping for laughter, making playlists for the party, offering to help Magda in the kitchen, texting Molly endless memes about sisters and holding on to their bond across the miles.
That Tuesday morning, after breakfast, Molly found Dee in the conservatory, hunched over a pile of fairy light boxes. Her poker straight hair, the same dark brown as Molly’s more wavy locks, hung over her face and when she looked up, her eyes, a touch bluer, were happy to see her.
‘I thought these could go around the cake table,’ Dee said, untangling the wires. ‘If Mum approves.’
Molly sat beside her on the floor. ‘She’ll approve. She’ll probably want them lining the driveway and all the way down to the village, too.’
Dee gave her a tired smile. ‘She’s just trying to make it nice. She wants it to be perfect for you.’
‘I know.’
There was a pause, then Dee added, ‘I’m going to miss you, Molls. It won’t be the same here without you.’
Molly reached out and touched her sister’s arm. ‘You’ll be fine and you know what, I reckon it’s going to make you stronger than you think possible. You just have to believe in yourself, and that you can get by perfectly well without me.’
Dee looked down at the fairy lights again. ‘I won’t. I’m not like you, Molls. And it’s horrible here at the moment.’
Molly wanted to say more, to reassure her, to explain that she should never ever want to be like her. But how could she? How could she explain something that she didn’t dare speak out loud?
