Page 32 of The Agent
He had to give her the truth. Shards of pain pierced his stomach at the thought. She trusted him, damn it. He saw that trust glimmering in her eyes like diamonds. How could he possibly tell her she’d been duped—again?
The confession burned in his chest, but he couldn’t reveal the truth now. She’d kick him out, and then who would be there to protect her if Grier showed up?
“Caleb?” Her voice cut through his thoughts. “Are you staying?”
He swallowed. “Yeah, I’ll stay.”
“Good, because I’m way too tired to walk you out.”
With a contented little sigh, she pulled the bedspread up and over the two of them. Then she slung one slender arm over his bare chest and gave another purr of pleasure.
“You realize you wore me out, right? I’m lucky I don’t have to work tomorrow or I’d probably doze off in the middle of removing a catheter,” she said with a sleepy laugh.
He continued stroking her hair, then stopped abruptly when he realized the gesture felt too damn right.
Okay, it was official. He was in deep, deep trouble here. Sleeping with Marley was one thing, but cuddling? Petting her? Whispering in the darkness? This was not good. In fact, all this non-sex stuff was far more dangerous than sex itself. It was relationship stuff. Commitment stuff. And he definitely didn’t do either of those.
He had tried making connections over the years. He’d latched on to his first few foster mothers, pathetically begging for their love, only to be carted off to another house within months. After that, he got smart. What was the point in openingyourself up to another person when they would only kick you aside sooner or later?
Smothering a sigh, he forced the memories from his head. “Did you always want to be a nurse?” he found himself asking.
She was silent for a moment. “No.”
Her response aroused his curiosity. “What did you want to be then?”
He gave an inward groan after he’d spoken. What was wrong with him? Why was he so fascinated by her? He couldn’t for the life of him remember ever asking the woman in his bed what she wanted to be when she grew up. He didn’t care about things like that. Didn’t care about anything but getting pleasure and giving it right back.
Until now. Now, he couldn’t seem to stop himself from wanting to know everything about this woman.
“I was accepted to the fine arts program at UCLA,” she confessed. “I’ve always loved art. Creating things.”
“I can tell,” he said, thinking about how passionately she’d thrown herself into making her house look beautiful. “So what happened?”
“My mom was admitted to the hospital.” Marley’s voice shook. “She was in so much pain. The cancer…it destroyed her inside and out, and I would sit by her side watching it, wishing I could do something to help her.”
She fell silent again. Caleb waited for her to continue, all the while trying to ignore the strange somersaults his heart was doing.
“I enrolled in nursing school the day after she died,” Marley finally said. “I couldn’t help my mom, but that way I could at least help other people.”
It suddenly became extremely hard to breathe. She had become a nurse because she hadn’t been able to help her motherin her dying hours. God, what a woman. Shame gripped his gut in a tight vise. And here he was, lying to her.
“How did your mom die?” Marley asked, her tone gentle.
“Overdose.” He’d been prepared to avoid the question, maybe even pretend to be asleep, so when that one word burst out of his mouth, he was overcome with shock. Why had he just told her that?
“And you were five?” she pressed, obviously remembering the meager details he’d provided.
“Yeah.” It became difficult to draw a breath. “I was watching TV in our bedroom—we only had one bedroom in the apartment—and I went out to the living room to ask about dinner and…she was just lying there on the carpet.” His chest went impossibly tight. “I remember shaking her, crying for her to wake up, but…she didn’t wake up. She was already dead.”
“Oh, Caleb,” Marley whispered. “That’s awful. I’m so sorry you had to go through that.”
He tried to shrug it off. “I got over it.”
There was a short silence, and then Marley released a small sigh. “I’m so sorry,” she said again, turning her head to press a tender kiss to his chest.
What was the matter with him? Why had he told her about his mother? He hadn’t even told Russ about that day, and Russ had been his best friend. His only friend.
He lay very still, trying to navigate the confusion clouding his brain. This wasn’t supposed to happen. He wasn’t supposed to sleep with her. To share his past with her.
