Page 69 of I Despise You
Chapter 26
AFEW WEEKS LATER,I’m seriously mad at myself for still thinking about Chase. And I’m even angrier when I see him in the hallway. My mind has to be playing tricks on me, but he’s right here in front of me. His eyes are trained on me as he just stands there, not moving, and a wave of warmth overcomes me. Butterflies fill my stomach, and it’s like I’m seeing him for the first time, just everything I feel is more intense than ever.
A few students get in the way, and I can’t see him anymore. I almost wonder if I’m going crazy, but then my phone vibrates in my pocket. I quickly check the screen. A text from Chase. He says he needs to talk to me, and asks if I’m willing to meet with him in a public place. He also promises he’ll never bother me again after that.
I stare at the text for a few long moments. Should I even listen to anything he has to say? After what he’s done, I don’t know what to say to him. But maybe I should hear him out. For myself. Maybe it helps me get closure that I still need.
I send him a text, agreeing to meet with him, but I also want to choose the place where we’re going to meet. It has to be somewhere we’ve never been before. I don’t want our good memories tainted if our conversation goes wrong, and I don’t want to be in some place where he knows everyone either. If I’m going to talk to him, I need to feel completely safe.
When I look up from my phone, I can see him again. He inclines his head to me, and then he walks away.
***
THE RESTAURANT I’VEpicked is packed with people, but it’s exactly what I want. When I enter, I immediately spot Chase at one of the tables.
I take a seat across from him, and there’s enough space between us. He even leans back a bit.
“Thank you for agreeing to this,” he says softly.
I don’t say anything, just watch him. Something about him looks different, but I’m not sure what. All I know is that it’s something about his eyes.
“I also want to thank you for making me realize that things couldn’t keep going the way they were. If it’s okay with you, I’d like to come back to school. But if you don’t feel comfortable with seeing me every day, I understand and I’ll transfer somewhere else.”
I don’t know what to say to that. Do I want him back at school?
“Where were you?” Curiosity gets the better of me.
“Rehab,” he says, and my eyebrows shoot up.
“But your Instagram—” I shouldn’t have said that. Now he’ll know I’m not over him. But maybe it doesn’t matter. If it’s true he went to rehab and is now better, that’s a good thing.
“It was a fake post. My father freaked out when I wanted to check in, and he’d only let me do it under a fake name. So I had to post that photo so that no one would suspect anything. I’ve been clean for over a month. I know I should’ve never started using those pills, but they gave me energy and helped me focus, and without them, it just wasn’t the same.”
“What were they? Like Adderall or something?” I know the pressure to perform can get too strong, especially in competitive schools like Richerville, so some students use drugs to help them study.
“Actually, it was a mix of more than one drug, but the effects are similar. It made me feel so good. Invincible. But I was starting to lose myself. That’s why I need to ask you something else.”
I think I know what he’s about to ask.
“You said that what you told me was in the heat of the moment, but I don’t think you’re the kind of person who says things like that and doesn’t mean them. I know I hurt you, and I’ll be forever sorry about it, but I need to know if there’s anything else I’m not aware of that I did.”
I swallow past the lump forming in my throat. He’s clean now, and he deserves to know the truth. Maybe it will help me too to tell him what really happened.
“That night... The first night we had sex... I didn’t know I entered your room.”
His eyes widen, a look of horror crossing his face.
“I ran into Brittany in the hallway, and she told me she forgot a book. She sent me to get it, and she said her room was the one with the red sticker on the door. I went in, and then I just... I don’t know. I was shocked and surprised, I guess. But one part of me also liked it, and I...”
“Why didn’t you tell me?” His face is pale, his eyes bulging.
“Because things weren’t that simple.”
“You were afraid of me.” There’s so much pain in his voice.
“Maybe a little, yeah. I didn’t know what you were going to do. But I was mostly conflicted about how I felt, and I was mad at Brittany, but I couldn’t make her pay easily because her father is paying my tuition fee, and it’s all because my mom’s dating him. And I didn’t want to mess everything up for myself.”
“I don’t know how I’ll ever make that right. I know my apology seems meaningless to you now, but I wish more than anything that I could take it all back. If you want me to go to the cops and—”
