Page 333 of Alchemised
He stared at her, and she knew she looked tired, thin, and so sallow from being always indoors with little natural light. The bombing had broken most of the windows, and even the few that survived were boarded up and sealed in case the wind brought the nullium towards Headquarters again.
“I should have called you sooner.” His thumb traced along her cheekbone.
She shook her head. “It wouldn’t have been worth the risk. It’s dangerous for you to fly so near like that. Someone could shoot you with obsidian.” A tremor ran through her just saying it aloud. “We shouldn’t be doing this. It’s stupid to take this risk.”
She was suddenly struggling to breathe. He pulled his hand free and then held her head in both his hands, as if trying to quiet her mind for her.
“We’re safe here,” he said.
For now. For this moment.
But not really. Not ever.
Still she nodded, trying to believe it, not wanting to poison what little time they had left. She rose up on her toes, kissing him, pulling his arms around her.
Don’t let this be the last time.
She didn’t close her eyes. She kept them open and watching him, trying to notice every detail. She wanted to commit everything to memory, the way he felt under her hands and against her skin, as if sufficient detail could make this secret thing real enough to endure; as if she could write it into the universe so deeply that even a war could not erase it.
Afterwards, he gathered her against his chest, chin resting on the top of her head as his fingers drew patterns across her skin.
I’m going to take care of you. I’m always going to take care of you.
He didn’t say it audibly, but she could hear it in the shifting of the air, the way his jaw moved when he mouthed the words.
She’d hoped to sleep, to experience one last hour of peace, but she was too afraid. When she sat up, Kaine’s quicksilver eyes were instantly guarded. She didn’t say anything for a moment, holding his hand in hers, studying his face, this aspect of him that was hers alone.
She entwined their fingers, trying to find the right words.
“Kaine,” she finally said, “there’s a chance—we’re hoping that this attack will be the end of the war. We don’t—we aren’t sure how much longer we’re going to last if it isn’t.”
His hand twitched.
“If it isn’t—” Her chest jerked, and she gave a tight, half-sobbed laugh. “—well, we’ll just keep fighting, then. But if it is … I—I don’t know what will happen to you. I’m sorry. I tried to find a way”—she looked down—“I couldn’t figure out—”
“It’s fine,” he said.
She shook her head. “Maybe if Morrough’s killed, your soul just goes back to you. We don’t know that it won’t. There’s a chance. Or maybe the Stone would be enough to—”
She was grasping, and they both knew it.
“It could,” she said insistently, squeezing his hand. “So, if that happens, if you’re all right when it’s over, you have to run. All right? Get away as fast as you can. Don’t let yourself be captured.”
His eyes narrowed. “Where will you be?”
Helena looked down, playing with the ring on his hand. It had been so long since she’d seen hers.
“You know me, I’ll be in the hospital. There will be a lot of injuries, so I wouldn’t be ready right away—so you just go, and I’ll catch up.”
He scoffed. “If I survive, I’m not going anywhere without you.”
She pressed her fingers to his lips, hushing him. “No. You can’t risk getting caught.”
He pushed her fingers away from his mouth, but she wouldn’t let him interrupt. She had thought about this in circles, and there was little chance that Crowther would let her slip away without paying for her necromancy. If she was lucky, she’d just be expelled from the Eternal Flame. It would be the quickest and quietest resolution, but even that might take weeks or months.
“Go south, towards the sea. When I can, I’ll come, I’ll look for you, and it’ll be just like we said—we’ll disappear.”
His eyes narrowed into slits. “And how long do you expect I’d be waiting?”
