Page 132 of Touch the Sky
“It was a long time ago.”
“I’m sure it doesn’t always feel that way,” I murmur.
It doesn’t feel that way when I think about the first time I ever found Shel in tears about her father.
“You’re right,” Gabrielle agrees. “Sometimes it feels like it was yesterday.”
She tugs the blankets a little tighter around her shoulders.
“We were happy, you know,” she tells me. “When we bought the farm. We were a family.”
I stay quiet this time. Somehow, I can tell these words are coming from a deep and secret part of her, one that hardly ever sees the light.
“I never thought it would be just me and Jacinthe. Nothing can make you ready for that. It’s been just the two of us for so long that sometimes I am afraid she’ll never find anyone else. She works so hard, you know. She does not think about herself very often.”
I think of all the times I’ve seen Jacinthe so exhausted she’s nearly fallen asleep on her feet in the barn.
“That’s true.”
Gabrielle tilts her head towards me. “You are the same.”
She waits until I look her in the eye before she goes on.
“You both work too hard, but together…” She purses her lips like she’s trying to find the right words and then shrugs. “You are good together.”
My face heats up, and I pretend to be focused on flicking some imaginary dirt off my jeans.
I wonder if she’d be saying the same thing if she knew just how close together we’ve been.
“She asked me if I wanted to be a partner here at the farm,” I say, desperate to get us back to safer topics. “She said you would be okay with it?”
“I’m the one who told her to ask,” Gabrielle says with a chuckle. “She won’t admit it, but she needs somebody here, and I think maybe the person she needs is you.”
I give up on the fake dirt and drag my hands through my hair instead, all my breath whooshing out on a long exhale.
Gabrielle is yet another person I’ve got to worry about disappointing here.
“It’s a lot to think about,” I admit.
She reaches over to pat my arm.
“Je sais. I’m sorry. I don’t mean to pressure you. If you don’t think it’s a good idea, of course we will both respect that. I just want you to know you are valued here. You are important, even if it’s only been a short time.”
Her words hit me straight in the chest. I blink hard, taking another deep breath to steady myself.
“It’s all happening so fast,” I say. “It’s like everything is falling into place, and I can’t trust it. I keep waiting for the catch.”
I should stop. I’m ranting now, my deepest thoughts pouring out of me faster than I can process them, but I can’t hold this all inside me.
“I could have lost Shel last night. While we were out looking for her, I thought, you know what? That’s it. It’s too much. We’ve got to leave.”
Gabrielle gasps, but she doesn’t interrupt me.
“But the whole reason Shel ran is because shedoesn’twant to leave. This place, this life, it’s…it’s everything I wanted for her.”
The sun is coming up now, the first sliver of flaming gold cresting over the scraggly bare branches of the forest.
The sight of it lulls me into silence, and for a few minutes, we just watch as the sun climbs higher and higher, the thick blanket of night slipping away into the far corners of the sky until the darkness is gone for good.
