Page 42 of Flameborne: Fury
My heart tore as she broke down in tears.
16. The Confusing Chaos of Need
SOUNDTRACK:Fix Youby Tommee Proffit, Stanaj, and Staarz
~ BREN ~
I’d woken, bleary-eyed from what I thought was a dream of Donavyn, only to find him tangled with me in the furs of my bedroll, his rugged features slack and soft in sleep, the stubble of a day’s growth shadowing his jaw.
I’d never woken up next to a man before. Not like this. Not where the air between us had been warmed by our bodies, and the scent of him was on my skin. It was touching. Thrilling.
Andterrifying.
The longer I lay there watching him sleep, the more confused I became.
My body, my heart, mysoulwanted to curl into his chest and cling and rest, surrounded by the iron of his arms.
But my mind screamed danger. Knew he’d wake and the awe that had been present in his gaze the night before would turn to caution, then shuttered darkness. Excuses. Aversion. His eyes no longer glowing with admiration, but disgust instead.
I couldn’t bear it.
Convinced that when he woke he’d wish I wasn’t there, I hadto leave. But there was nowhere to go. My clothing was still wet, so I only pulled on the chilled cotton shirt and my boots, then slipped out into the morning while there wasn’t a lot of rain. As soon as I was far enough away from the cave to have no need for quiet, I started to jog, looking for a place to wash and hide and…
And none of it worked.
Not getting my body clean.
Not clearing my head and waking properly.
Not feeling Akhane wake up and immediately curl into Kgosi’s embrace.
When the dragons began to mate again, my head and heart went to war. My soul was convinced that the only way to relieve the fear was to go back, to find Donavyn, to fall into those steel arms and iron strength. The more I sought safety, the stronger the urge to return to him.
But when I envisioned it, all I could imagine was that unassailable authority. Even in his smile, even in his casual stance, the manownedhis space. And everyone else’s.
Ruin had been a charmer, and physically strong, yet still by comparison, aboy.Donavyn was a man. ACommander. Carrying authority that could belittle me, or raise me to heights with a single word.
Which would it be?
The question made me flinch. Even aside from the desperate need growing with every step as the dragons began their mating dance again, I wanted nothing more than to be close to Donavyn.
To me, he had always—inexplicably—felt like the safety of thick walls and a warm fire in a storm. And this was the darkest and deepest of storms.
He’d come for me, sought me, found me,owned me.Taken my body—given freely in the throes of need and the drive of the bond. Even vowed himself. But now that the insanity of the mating rush was subdued…?
Was it subdued?I asked myself with a grimace.Could I trust his response to me, even now?
I wanted him with a fire that I feared would burn me to the ground.
Ruin.Ruin had done that. Made my body want, then used it to manipulate me. He’d proven that when I wanted, my heart could not be trusted.
Impossibly, even after his betrayal, I’d somehow convinced myself that Ruin still wanted me. Even when every sign pointed to the contrary, I’d been so enamored that I’d put myself in a position to behumiliated.
Then I had wanted to die.
My spine crawled with self-loathing at that memory, even as my heart beat with frustrated strength.
I couldn’t go back to that.
