Page 74 of Unrest
My heart. When I saw those eyes, gray as smoke, and his shirtless state, that chili pepper tattoo, something huge that lived inside me died, leaving a dangerous hole—a hole that acted as a vacuum sucking everything into it. It happened so fast. All hope I’d had vanished into the depths of that hole. Any positive feelings, gone.
He must have seen it on my face, because he suddenly opened the door further, revealing the small towel wrapped around himself. Oh, God.
“You saw her come out, didn’t you?” He held the towel with one hand and used his other palm to rub his face. He chuckled darkly. “And you think . . .”
“I don’t think anything,” I lied. Horribly. I felt confused, and my chest was tight. “I don’t know why I’m here. I need sleep.” I turned, but his voice wrapped around me.
“Get in here.”
I turned. His eyes were everything, a beam that caught me and saw too much of me. He opened the door all the way and I peered into where Linette had been. My head gave a stubborn shake. I wanted to dissolve.
“Pepper.” His voice dropped an octave. “Get. Your ass. Inside.”
I crossed my arms and hurried past him, into the warm space that smelled of men. I stood awkwardly at the end of the first bed while Rylen went in the bathroom and came back out in shorts. I was shaking so hard. This was the part where he’d break me. After all these years, I just wanted him to get it over with.
He faced me, his arms crossed over his chest to mirror me. “I’m not fucking Linette, okay? D was with her roommate last night, so she needed a place to crash.”
My heart dropped and reared back up like an untamed animal released from its cage, relieved and alive again. I looked away. “Not my business.”
“Isn’t it? Then why are you here?”
“I . . .” My arms tightened over my chest. “I wanted to say I’m sorry you had to deal with me last night.”
My heart pounded and embarrassment heated through me like a hot blade. I wished I could read his mind. Every ounce of trepidation and nervousness I’d ever felt around Rylen pummeled me harder than ever as my words from last night hung between us. It was all out there, and I had to deal with it.
“And to thank you for getting me back to my room.” My brain hurt and I was so nervous that my words came out raspy.
He watched me, arms still crossed, eyebrows up in expectation. He was not going to throw me a bone here.
“What do you want me to say, Ry? I feel really stupid.”
His jaw worked, side to side, like he was getting angry. “You remember me taking you back to your room?”
“Yes,” I whispered. My heart thumped rapidly, mixing with the white noise in my mind. Rylen and I were on the cusp of something. Something there would be no coming back from. Things between us would change today, for better or worse.
“Do you remember anything you said?” he asked, his voice husky.
A single word shook its way from my throat. “Yes.”
He wanted something from me, I could feel it, but my head was such a disaster. Years’ worth of self-consciousness rose up to block my path. I could take the leap into the dark precipice, and be done with these feelings once and for all. Or I could let myself slide back into the nothingness of the supposed safety of silence I’d lived in for so long. Miserable safety.
“And you’ve been avoiding me ever since,” he said.
“No.” Big fat lie. “I was tired, and I didn’t feel good.”
When time stretched on and passed in silence, Rylen nodded, stone-faced.
“Well,” he said. “Glad you’re feeling better.”
He moved for the door, as if to kick me out, and panic clutched my chest. “Wait!”
He halted with his hand on the doorknob. I watched him slowly turn his head to meet my eyes. The tension that zinged between us at that moment made me fight to breathe. I’d never been more nervous.
“I’m sober now,” I said. He completely froze, eyes still locked on mine. A tremble coursed through my system.Deep breath.
Rylen let go of the doorknob and took several slow, prowling steps toward me until we were mere feet apart. “And?” He wanted the words. I was bad at words. Plus, his eyes seriously looked like they could summon a storm at that moment. I felt it all around me—thewhooshof wind on my skin and in my ears.
“And I . . .”
