Page 110 of Sparks
Now I was full on blushing.
“I bought your favorite vodka,” he said. “Do you want a drink?”
I covered my mouth and shook my head, feeling nauseated, and he barked a laugh.
“Feeling rough still, eh?”
“Yeah. Listen, I’m really sorry about last night.”
He waved a hand. “Don’t be. Most fun I’ve had in forever.”
I covered my face. “I have regrets.”
He kept laughing and stood, picking up both our plates. I stood, too, and opened the door again. “I’ll wash those,” I said, trying to reach for them, but he turned away.
“Nope.” He went to the sink. “Just hop up on this counter and keep me company.”
I sighed and did as I was told, letting him laugh at me when it took two big hops to get up there. As we chatted and he washed, I eyed the way his arm flexed. He glanced at me and grinned.
“Checking out my arm?”
“Um.” I giggled.
“You can perv on it if you need to. Give it a sniff.”
“Stop!” I laughed, covering my face in mortification as he chuckled.
When I finally relaxed I saw his eyes flicker down to my exposed lower thighs. His eyes went up to mine, then back down to my thighs. I got quiet as a moment of boldness overcame me. I slowly inched my skirt up a bit farther. He made a sound in his throat, then began rinsing the plates.
“A bit more,” he said in a low voice, his eyes going back to my thighs.
My heart gave a pound and I was instantly wet for him again. I pulled my skirt up until a bit of my panties were showing, then I gripped the edge of the counter with my fingers and watched him. I could feel the blood thrumming beneath my skin.
“You should touch yourself.” His complete alpha-nonchalance took me by surprise. My chest was rising and falling faster now. He was drying the dishes lazily as I leaned back and maneuvered my hand down my underwear, sliding two fingers along my clit.
“Mm-hm,” he praised me and dried his hands, setting the towel aside. “Take your hand out.” I pulled my hand out and he took my palm, bringing it up to his mouth and slipping the end of my middle finger into his mouth. His hot lips, then his smooth tongue flicked over my skin and I legit whimpered, not looking away from his eyes.
I knew where this was about to end up, but before I continued to give myself to him and fall further, I needed to see if we were on the same page. It took all of my will-power not to jump his bones right then.
“Wait.” I gently tugged my skirt back down my thighs and looked him straight in the eye. “Can we talk?”
“Okay.” He was completely at ease with a hint of amusement in his eyes.
“What are you looking for, Silas? From me? From this?” I felt my pulse thumping under my skin, in my ears and my throat.
He gave a small nod. “It’s strange. I feel like we know each other so well that you wouldn’t have to ask him me this, but you’re right. It needs to be verbalized.”
“I know you’re a loyal relationship guy,” I said. “But you’ve also been through a lot. Maybe you need some time to date? Or you don’t want to rush? I just need to know up front.”
Again, he nodded, his eyes searching my face. “And what would you say to that? If I needed to date? Or if I want to be fuck buddies?”
I tensed, disappointment like acid in my gut. My friendship with Silas had endured a lot. If I told him I didn’t want those things, as much as I would feel initially sad, I loved myself enough now to be okay with it. And eventually we could be friends again. Maybe it would always be a little weird, but I could live with that. What I couldn’t live with was giving my body and heart away to another man who couldn’t do the same in return.
I steeled myself. “I would say that if you need to date, you should. But I won’t be part of that rotation. And if you want to be fuck buddies, with no strings attached…” I thought about it seriously. “I would say no.”
His eyes narrowed with curiosity. “And why is that?”
I shrugged. “I guess I’m an all-or-nothing kind of girl.” Time to own it.
