Page 58 of Sparks
“What’s wrong with missionary?” I asked.
“Missionary is amazing if the man knows how to work it,” Holly agreed.
Beth gave us a bored expression as if we were purposely ruining her fun. Then she eyed me. “You’re probably a pillow biter.”
“What’s that?” I asked, and then immediately regretted it when she gave her mean grin.
“It means you probably bite the pillow and stay super quiet when you come.”
I gave a shrug and shook my head. “I wouldn’t know.” In the heat of the moment I thought my comeback was likeTake that!But it was really more likeWOMP, womp, wommmp…
The whole table went still. I wanted to shove my entire foot and leg into my mouth and down my throat. I felt my face go hot.
Bryant smacked the table with both palms. “Oh, my fucking gawd, Harlow. Are you a virgin?”
“No.” But I couldn’t look at any of them. I started to awkwardly dart my eyes all around and shuffle my butt in the seat.
“Let it go,” Holly warned. But I could feel everyone’s attention like a heating lamp.
“So…” Beth was searching for the answers and I felt a moment of panic. She knew I had a vibrator that I took on overnight stays with me. All of us girls talked openly about our little friends, but I didn’t want her to bring that up in front of Silas, so I had to put an end to this.
“I don’t get off during sex. That’s all.”
Bryant, Beth, and Lee stared at me, horrified. Holly let out a sighing exhale. And Silas? Well, the expression of pity and shock on his face was the worst. I looked away.
“It’s not that big of a deal.”
“But you had a long-time boyfriend,” Beth pointed out.
“Yeah, and there’s good reason that ended,” I told her.
“I’d say,” Bryant muttered.
“On that note.” Silas stood, running a hand over his disheveled dark hair again. “I’m going to shower. Do me a favor and forget this conversation.” He turned to walk away and we all admired the perfection of his frame as he went. I tore my eyes away.
“Not a chance I’m forgetting any of that,” Bryant said under his breath.
Beth grinned. “I can’t stop thinking of him all serious trying to grab her by the hair and call her a stupid bitch and then being like, ‘I’m sorry, that was harsh, are you okay?’” She sniggered and Bryant nearly fell over in mirth.
“Seriously.” Lee pulled up his phone. “You should see these comments.” The three of them leaned in, all smiles.
I stood, feeling sick, and Holly got up too.
“Are you okay?” she whispered.
“Fine. I feel bad for him. Why are relationships so hard?”
“Yeah,” she agreed. “Hence my year of not even dating.” Glancing over at Beth, Holly asked, “Are you coming?”
Beth sighed and stood, peering back and forth between us. “Are you both in shitty moods now?”
I ignored her and grabbed my luggage, speed walking from the crew room. All I wanted was my comfy little pallet and to disappear into the darkness of sleep.
The next day I was on call but I woke with the sun. For a second, I panicked thinking I’d missed a work text, but there was nothing. That was rare. I nearly always got called in super early on my call days. And then I did the math and realized it was the afternoon in Japan. No texts from Shawn. My stomach lurched. Had he been talking to Natalie? Were they working things out? What had I done?
My heart raced and I sat up.Calm down, Harlow.I hadn’t done anything wrong. I needed to trust the process. Holly was asleep on her blowup mattress. She looked pretty with her chestnut waves fanned out all around her. Beth was gone, I assumed she had an early morning flight. That was a relief. I stood quietly and pulled on my sweater and slipper socks. Glancing at the twin bed I saw that Cheryl was here too. I tip-toed out of the room to the kitchen and made a pod of coffee with vanilla creamer. Then I sat in the giant window sill with my steaming mug and stared out at the red-bricked alleyway and gray skies.
My phone whistled, and disappointment filled me. So much for not getting called in. But when I opened the text my breath stuck in my throat. It was a selfie of Shawn with an intense, sad frown.
