Page 77 of Sparks
“We didn’t want to tell you,” Becca explained, “because you’re so good.”
“But we love them,” Bree had said.
“Yeah, it just felt right,” Dalia told me.
“You could have told me.” I couldn’t explain to them the betrayal I felt. The gross feeling of being left out of something so huge. Would I have been judgy or preachy? I like to think I wouldn’t have, but they were right about me being a good girl back then. I’d been a major rule follower. Now look at me.
I went ahead and let Don have sex with me after that. Ironically, all the other couples broke up during our senior year, but Don and I remained a couple and went off to college together.
I let the music fill me up and tried really hard to pay attention during the sermon—something about using our spiritual gifts to be a blessing to others—but my mind was all over the place. At some point during the service one of my old friends must have caught sight of me, because the three of them came bustling over as soon as the service ended.
When I tried to lean in for a hug, Becca put a hand on my shoulder and gave me a sort of air-kiss on the cheek. Then Dalia and Bree did the same thing, all three of them smiling brightly. Not sure when the air-kiss thing began. When I left seven months ago they were huggers.
“Wow, look at you!” Becca exclaimed as she rubbed her belly. “So thin! My gosh!”
I’d weighed myself this morning and found that I’d lost nine pounds. For short people like me, every pound showed. But as Becca pointed out my weight loss it didn’t feel great.
“And look at you,” I said, spreading out my hands at her belly. “Congratulations.”
“Thank you.” Now she was rubbing it with both hands, beaming. “We are so excited.”
“I bet!” Hurt pounded at me. I was so far off her radar now.
Dalia piped up. “Ricky and I are trying now, too.”
“How fun,” I said. “Good luck!”
Bree’s turn. “Barry and I are waiting about six months until his promotion comes through.” She held up crossed fingers and I smiled at her, crossing mine too.
“So, how’s the glam life?” Dalia asked.
“I love it,” I said, feeling shallow. “I’ve got a view of the Empire State Building from my bedroom window. My roommates have become good friends and I’m…sohappy.” It took way too much pride to force out that last word.
“Good,” Dalia said. “That’s great to hear.” Was it? She didn’t sound so sure.
“Are you dating anyone?” Bree blurted. They all went still as they watched me, proving this was the question they all wanted to ask. Becca had even stopped rubbing her belly for a second.
“No boyfriend, but I have prospects.”
“Ooh, prospects,” Becca said, commencing the circular bump rubbing. “I can’t imagine dating again, though.” She shivered in revulsion and the other girls agreed, nodding, shivering, and then they all looked at me as if suddenly remembering I was there.
“Just stay away from Sparks or whatever it’s called,” Becca said, lowering her voice. “I heard it’s just a disgusting hookup app with all sorts of perverts.”
“Mm.” I nodded and pressed my lips together.
“Two of my coworkers met on there,” Bree said. “And now they’re married!” Her smile dissipated when Becca gave her an unimpressed glare.
“Harlow would never go on there,” Dalia assured them. “She hates sex.”
My forehead pinched. They all looked at me and Dalia’s eyes widened. It took me a second to recoup from the shock.
“Um.” I gave an awkward laugh and looked to make sure nobody was standing close enough to overhear. “I don’t hate sex. I just didn’t enjoy sex with Don.”
“But why?” Becca asked. “He’s good looking. And funny.”
I sighed. I’d tried to explain our lack of sexual chemistry before, but they clearly did not get it. How could I make this perfectly clear once and for all? I lowered my voice to a whisper and leaned in. “He didn’t know how to use his little willy, okay? And he couldn’t find my special little spot if I’d put the location in a GPS for him.” God forgive me.
Gasps. Giggles.“Gosh.” “Whoa.” “Okay, then…”The three of them peered around the room like they were waiting for lightening to strike me, and I felt a raze of guilt for saying that in the church building. And now things were more awkward than ever.
