Page 111 of Between Soul and Vessel
“Yes, all of those factors played a part, but I refuse to let them be a crutch. I want to own up to what I did.” My eyebrows drew together, cinching the space between them. “I’m sorry for betraying you, Von. Will you forgive me?”
He looked up at the starry night sky and let out a rough sigh, painted with raw, deep emotion. “The moment I held your lifeless body in my arms for the second time in my life, it brought me clarity. I knew then that everything else was inconsequential.” He glanced at me, and my heart nearly stopped. “I have already forgiven you, Little Goddess.”
I stood there in awe, unsure what I did to deserve him or his boundless love.
I looked down at the floor, smiling despite myself. Ihadn’t realized how much I needed to hear those words from him. I hadn’t realized how much guilt I had been carrying around with me. But now, I did.
Did his forgiveness erase what I had done? No.
But it meant we could start anew, that we could move on.
“There’s something I’ve been wanting to ask you about.” He placed his cup on the windowsill, then turned toward me. “Why were your hands shaking earlier?”
My stomach sank. This was one conversation I really didn’t want to have tonight.
In truth, I didn’t have the slightest idea how to tell Von. Afterithappened, I had made a solemn vow to myself that no matter what, I wouldn’t tell a soul about that day. Because if I told someone, that would make itreal. And although some part of me knew that it was, another part was quite fine with pretending it had never happened—I didn’t want it to be what defined me.
“Sage . . .” he pushed gently, closing the small distance between us.
I opened my mouth to speak, but the words withered on my tongue.
Adept, long fingers slid under my jaw, gently tipping my face up to his. His endlessly black eyes captured mine. “I might not be able to feel your emotions anymore, but I know when something is deeply affecting you. Whatever it is, you can tell me.”
I swallowed, my throat suddenly parched. “What if it breaks me to tell you?” I whispered, my insecuritiesdampening the strength of my voice.
His hand shifted, caressing my cheek. I couldn’t help but lean into his touch. “I do not think keeping it in is good for you either,” he said. “I know your hands as well as my own, and I know it takes a great deal to make them tremble as they were.”
I took a breath. Then, another. “What if you look at me differently?”
“How could Ieverlook at you differently? Have my actions not shown as much?”
“What if you think I’m weak? What if—”
“Whatif,” he cut in, “you told me and gave me that chance to prove all your what ifs away? What if I love you regardless?”
My eyes shifted between his.
I realized that a small part of mewantedto tell him.
I just . . . I didn’t want tonight to be about Aurelius. I wanted it to be about us. If I knew anything about my mate, he was strong and steady, yes, but he was going to need time to process when I told him what Aurelius did to me. As was I. And that was a path I did not want us to walk down tonight.
I took a breath and vowed to him, “I promise to tell you. Just . . . not tonight. I want tonight to belong to us and only us. Please give me that.”
His eyes studied mine, a soft interrogation. Finally, he said, “Alright, Little Goddess, have it your way. I will not press any further tonight.”
“Thank you.” My words held weight, driven forth bythe rapid strumming of my heart—Creator above, how much I loved him. His willingness to bend, to honor my wants, and take care of my needs were attributes I never knew I needed in a partner. But now that Von had shown me what that was like, I realized how Aurelius had starved me of it.
Von, in so many ways, was an answer I didn’t know I needed.
Through him, I’d learnedI was worthy of love.
That Iwasenough, just as I was.
All because he was . . . good to me.Kind to me.
Loving and understanding.
Safe.
