Page 108 of Beyond the Lines
Maybe to the puck bunnies Linc had mentioned in the drawing session, when I’d felt a burning flash of jealousy. I’m not sure Dec is like that, but I can’t just assume he’ll wait forme forever. Hell, I’d almost gone home with Ben Mitchell, and that’ssoout of character for me, so what’s to say he’s not?—”
“Lea,” Em cuts my thoughts off at the pass, her expression suddenly serious. “Remember when I was terrified to try that rock-climbing wall during orientation?”
“You literally cried.” I can’t help but laugh.
“And barfed,” she adds helpfully. “But my point is, I was sure I was going to fall and die. But I didn’t, and now I have the sweet satisfaction of knowing I conquered that height,plusa lifetime of embarrassing stories about how I hurled on Professor Wilson’s shoes afterwards.”
I laugh again, despite myself. “What exactly is the moral here?”
“No pain, no gain,” Em says with mock solemnity. “Also, sometimes what you think is going to kill you actually gives you the best anecdote.”
“I don’t think this qualifies as?—”
“You don’t have to marry the guy,” Em interrupts. “But what if—and I’m just spit-balling here—what if instead of drawing him obsessively like you’re planning to wallpaper our dorm with his face, you actually give him a chance? Go on some dates and see what happens?”
I chew on my lower lip, considering. “What would I even say? ‘Hey, sorry I treated our hookup like an exorcism, but it turns out I still like you a lot’?”
“That’s actually not bad,” Em says, nodding approvingly. “Maybe with fifty percent less weird ghost-hunter energy… and fifty percent more letting him feel you up…”
“I hate you,” I say again.
“Now come on. Marnie’s waiting to tell us all about Trevor’sperfectsymmetrical smile or whatever, and then we can strategize Operation Unfuck Your Love Life some more.”
“That is a terrible name for an operation.”
“Would you prefer ‘Operation Get Declan’s Mouth Back On Your Mound?’”
“When did you get so wise?”
“I’ve always been wise, bitch.” Her usual grin returns. “I just hide it behind all this hot-mess energy so I don’t intimidate people.”
Em’s cackle reverberates down the hallway long after she leaves, but I can’t help but smile. She’s done a masterful job of cheering me up—even better than the job she did convincing me thatmaybeI should give Declan a shot—but now I’m excited about some downtime after a few hours with her, Ping, and Marnie.
She’s headed out to meet with her cousin and, finally alone, I flop onto my bed, the mattress squeaking in protest. I pull my laptop closer, positioning it on my stomach as Baz Luhrmann’sRomeo + Julietplays. I’m supposed to be analyzing the cinematography for my Film as Art elective, but I can’t concentrate.
My sketchbook sits open beside me, and soon, my pencil is against the page.
As I draw, Leonardo DiCaprio and Claire Danes gaze lovingly at each other through the fish tank, and I sigh. Even fictional teenage star-crossed lovers have their shit together more than I do. I draw a quick slash across the page, starting a new sketch—a study of Claire Danes’ face—but it soon morphs into Declan.
Again.
“Goddamnit.” I slam the sketchbook shut and toss it off the bed. It lands with a satisfying thud on the floor.
Film forgotten, I stare at the ceiling, counting the glow-in-the-dark stars Em insisted on sticking up there our first week. (“Trust me, they’re essential for proper college feng shui,” she’d declared with absolute conviction.) The stupid stars remind me of the walking through the campus late at night with Declan.
Everything, apparently, reminds me of Declan.
Declan, who watches me like I’m a masterpiece when I’m just sketching. Declan, who remembers tiny details I mention once. Declan, who makes my whole body feel like it’s been plugged into an electrical socket with one single look.
Declan, who I kicked out of my life because I’m terrified.
But, if nothing else, Em’s intervention has opened my mind, just a crack, to?—”
A knock at the door interrupts my spiral of self-pity.
Probably Em forgetting her key again.
“Coming!” I call, pausing the movie and slipping off the bed.
