Page 61 of Heathens
Opening the box, I pull two paper plates from above the refrigerator and hand her the coffee. I haven’t bothered to buy plates or cups, seeing as this place is temporary. She thanks me and quietly moves around my tiny kitchen, grabbing a plastic butter knife and fork. I watch her as she pulls each pastry out and cuts it in half. There must be a dozen different things in there—croissants, donuts, cakes, buns, danishes. Working diligently, she looks up at me through her eyelashes, catching me mid-gaze, my eyes wandering at the way her shirt clings to her...
“What do you want first?” she asks, swallowing.
You.
“How about you choose for me?” I walk over to the window and throw the curtains open, letting in the bright, invigorating sunlight. I unlatch the balcony door, letting in some fresh air. I take a seat at the breakfast bar—the only place to sit in my apartment. Lily parks herself next to me and hoovers three pastries in a row without saying a word. I grin.
“What?” she asks, angling herself so that she’s as close to me as possible without touching.
I shrug. “You make eating look sinful.”
She laughs. “Speak for yourself.” She brushes her hands together to get rid of the crumbs and then runs her right hand through her hair, pulling it all to one side. I get another whiff of ripe plums. “Aren’t you going to eat?” She plops three pastry halves on my plate. “Come on. We need our energy for today.”
I raise my eyebrows. I love that she’s planned our day—hasn’t even asked what I’m doing. She just assumes we’ll be together. “What are we doing today?” I don’t mean for my voice to come out so low.
She shifts in her seat and sips her coffee. I take a bite of the buttery croissant, trying to quell my moan. I hadn’t realized how hungry I was.
“I thought we could develop those pictures from the other night.”
“That sounds great.“ Thinking about her apartment reminds me of the gift I bought her a couple of nights ago. I'd been walking home from Notre Dame, and I'd stopped at one of the market stalls along the Seine. One of the sellers had used records, so I bought Lily aHalseyalbum. Standing and walking to my wardrobe, I pull the record out. Quickly peeling the price off, I hold it behind me and walk over.
Her eyes light up. “What are you hiding?”
“I bought this for you last week,” I explain, pulling the pink and blue record out and handing it to her. The lines in her forehead deepen for a second as she takes it, examining it. The woman on the cover reminded me of Lily—broken and beautiful, staring away at something extraordinary. “You were wearing aHalseyshirt the night we met.”
She pulls her bottom lip into her mouth and stares at the cover for a few beats. “I—I—thank you,“ she stutters, looking up at me with wet eyelashes. “I can't believe you remembered that.“ She turns the record over, and she holds it to her chest. “This is my favorite album ever.“
I smile and stand taller. “I figured you liked them. Her. I've never heard their—her—music.“
Lily grins and giggles. “Really? Well, we’ll have to remedy that.” The smile drips off of her face as she sets the record down and levels me with a serious stare. “Salem...” she trails off and wraps her arms around herself, like she’s cold. She tends to do that. When she’s questioning herself, she shields her body physically. “Look, I was thinking...” she looks out the balcony window. Her irises are clear, resolved. Some sort of animalistic pride overtakes me when I realize she looksrestedandhappy.“You’ve worked so hard for your life. You’ve spent hours upon hours studying the Bible, attending mass, befriending Auguste...” she returns her gaze to me. “I would understand if you can’t help me. I wouldn’t hate you if you continued working with him. I’ve known for a while that I can be intense. Nothing—no one can liberate that part of me. I don’t want to drag you down with me.” She looks at the record. “You’re too good for that.” A pause. “So, if you’re hoping I’ll change... I won’t.”
Frowning, I take a step closer and pull her hands into mine. She looks up at me from where she sits, and for a second, I see it—the way she feels about me. She may as well be kneeling.
“You think you’re dragging me down with you?” I murmur, moving my hand to her hair and brushing it away from her neck. “You think I don’t know what I’m doing?” I narrow my eyes and give her a small smile. Her breathing is ragged at my touch, her eyes hooded. “I know exactly what I’m doing, Lily. You’re not dragging me down with you. He... hehurtyou.“ I choke on the last word. The rage begins to smolder in my gut—the raw fury at what he did. Both to her and to me. He broke my trust.
He brokeher.
“Salem—”
I cup her mouth gently with my hand and press into her. “Stop.” I remove my hand, and she swallows thickly. “You don’t need to be changed or liberated. You’re not as dark as you think you are. Not to me. Do you know what you need?”To be adored. Cherished. Worshipped. Loved. Held.“To be savored for exactly how you are.”
She collapses against me, gripping the back of my shirt as her body shudders. “Thank you,” she whispers between sobs. I close my eyes and inhale the scent of her hair, basking in the feel of her in my arms. “Thank you for pulling the storm out of me, over and over again.”
Loyalty and Orgasms
Lily
Present
After Salem showers and gets cleaned up—much to my chagrin, as only a thin door separates us—we make the walk to my apartment, full of dough and coffee. I woke up today feeling lighter somehow, more content. As my eyes swing from striped awning to striped awning, past the colorful, pastel displays and the sounds of people starting their day, I smile. It’s only ten in the morning, but it’s scorching already. The kind of hot that finds you even in the shade.
“Shit,” I mutter, unlocking the front gate of my building. “I forgot to feed Jekyll last night.”
Salem gives me the same satisfied, tranquil smile he’s been giving me all morning. “Maybe if I feed him, he’ll learn to love me.”
I laugh. “Maybe.”
We make our way up the stairs, and instinctively, I brace myself for Rosemary’s onslaught. As I trudge up the stairs, my legs heavy from breakfast, she makes an amused noise from her lawn chair as she watches us come into view. I open my mouth to say hello, but Salem beats me to the punch.
