Page 19 of Savage Hate
I swallow thickly, tamping down the emotion that begins to ache in my chest. I always do this. I always reject real feelings. I push them away in favor of humor and ignorance. Nobody modeled love for me while I was growing up, so I’m still unsure of how to process it when it happens. So, I squeeze Mindy’s hand again in a silent thank you.
“I have another bottle of wine, and then I thought we could watch a movie?” I suggest.
Mindy scoffs, letting go of my hand as she shakes her head. “This is my one night away from the kids. How about I pump while we finish that bottle, and then we go out?”
I look down at myself, wholly unprepared to go out into the real world with other people.
“Out? Where?”
She shrugs as she pulls her blouse off, exposing a nursing bra. “There are a few bars here, or we could get a cab and head into Boston.”
“I don’t even think I own real shoes,” I say slowly. “I left in such a rush…”
Mindy stops assembling her pump and gives me a large smile. “Let me help you. Just show me what I’m working with, and I’ll find something for you.”
That feeling comes back. The heavy, intense warmth that makes me so uncomfortable, and makes me feel hugely undeserving. I shift in my seat and sigh.
“Sure. Okay.”
She grins, showing off her white teeth and megawatt smile. “Good.” Hooking herself up, she leans back. “Let me just milk myself and then we can go.”
I laugh and grab the second bottle, wondering all the while what it would’ve been like to have had Mindy in my life these last ten years.
* * *
Mindy manages to make me look half presentable, letting me borrow her blouse and heels as she steals one of my crop tops and boots. It all works together, and by the time we walk out of my apartment, we’re stumbling and trying not to fall as we make our way down the narrow staircase.Were heels always this treacherous, or did I just drink too much? It’s been a few years since I’ve worn them since Wright was always insecure about his height…
We walk past Savage Ink, and the guys are busy with clients in the back. Lola is chatting to a client up front. She doesn’t see us, and I drag Mindy away before that changes. The last thing I need is for Silas, Damon, and Jude to see me drunk. We walk down the main street until we get to The Queen’s Arms, a small pub that’s always busy. I’ve never been here, though I remember it from my childhood.
I grab us a table while Mindy buys us drinks, and I look around as I get settled. A few familiar faces look back at me, so I pretend to be texting on my phone even though I have no one to text. God forbid someone comes up to me and wants to talk…
“Alright, so apparently gin and tonics are their specialty. Hope you like gin.” She cackles, setting down two enormous goblets full of ice and clear liquid. “That’s all gin, by the way.” She pulls two small, glass bottles out of her back pockets. “We add the tonic ourselves.”
I eye the goblet warily, but we add our tonic and gulp our drinks down in no time. I catch her up on what it’s like working at Savage Ink, and she tells me all about life as a mom of three. It makes me a tiny bit excited for the future, albeit a little sad that I don’t have anyone in mind to share it all with. I once thought it would be Wright, but he was never sold on the idea of kids. I wanted them and thought after we got married that I could change his mind.
For the first time since everything happened, relief washes over me.
Maybe everythingdidhappen for a reason.
That thought causes me to buy our next round of giant gin and tonics, and by the time we finish those, the pub is packed full of people and the music begins to play.
“Oh my God, I love this song!” Mindy squeals, grabbing my hand and dragging me out onto the dance floor.
“I don’t dance!” I scream over the music.
“You do tonight!” she yells back. “Come on.”
The music gets louder, and people begin to sing along. I can’t help but grin and close my eyes, taking in the noise, the voices, and the general feeling of belonging. Another song comes on—one that I actually know the words to—and Mindy and I scream the lyrics as we jump up and down to the beat. I feel strong arms behind me, and when I turn around, a handsome, older gentleman is smiling down at me, asking me to dance. Mindy wiggles her eyebrows at me, and I let him lead me to the edge of the dance floor as a slower song comes on.
Keeping an eye on Mindy, we sway to the music, and I inhale his unfamiliar scent. It’s nice—vetiver and something else that smells like pine trees. He’s tall, clean-shaven, with black and gray hair and a chiseled jaw.
“Do you live in Greythorn?” the man asks, his voice low and husky.
I nod. “Yep. Just moved back after ten years away.”
His brown eyes light up. “Wow. What brought you back?”
I shrug. “Life.”
