Page 48 of Masked Sins
I heart his message before I let my head fall forward onto the table, groaning and smiling and asking myself what the hell I’ve just gotten myself into.
CHAPTER EIGHT
THE CONTROL
Layla
I sleep in the following morning, forgoing my morning exercise routine. I attempt to do some barre every morning, as well as some basic cardio and weight training, but I was up late reading over Starboy’s contract. I also spent at least an hour tossing and turning, wishing I could get rid of the pulsing between my legs. Alas, I wasn’t desperate enough to break the rules on night one, but it definitely left me feeling empty and burning until I finally fell asleep around two.
The contract was simple and basic. For a minute, I considered asking Zoe for help, since she was more experienced in all of this. However, after some thought, I decided I’d talk to her about it in person the next time I saw her.
The contract didn’t touch on anything other than what we discussed, though there was a clause about safe words. It explained the stoplight system—how the word “red” was to be used to stop all play, “yellow” to pause and communicate, and “green” to keep going. I couldn’t envision a scenario where I’dneed to use it, especially since our play would be online and mostly to gauge what I liked by taking it slowly.
The part that kept me up was the in-person meeting part, which was marked with an N/A.
Not applicable.
Except Idowant to meet him in person, and the need to do so is strong, which surprises me. But if he only sees this as an online thing… I shouldn’t be getting so attached so soon.
It would almost certainly lead to my heart being broken.
Also,this isn’t me.
I don’t get attached to men. I just don’t. Emotional connection takes a long time to establish, and to me, it’s not really worth it. I’m never interested likethis, or if there is a small inkling of curiosity about a date, they usually ruin it by bringing up my dancing or trying to get into my pants before I’m ready. In my very narrow experience with okay sex, it only happened once I’d made friends with someone, and even then, I was never truly into it.
Society places such a strong emphasis on physical attraction and sexual chemistry as important parts of dating and relationships. Being demisexual, I so often feel out of sync with the norms, which leads to me feeling isolated and misunderstood.
So why am I so into this stranger on the internet?
What is it about Starboy that appeals to me?
Is it just that we bonded quickly and deeply? Or is it because Starboy wasn’t placing pressure on me?
Once, before I knew what demisexuality was, I’d dated a guy who was kind, patient, and willing to wait for my feelings to develop. And they did—a little bit, at least. His name was Erik, and him taking the pressure off helped immensely with letting things happen organically. It didn’t work out in the end, but itwas very difficult to find men who were so willing to wait for me in that way.
Perhaps it’s because Starboy and I are only talking online, which means the societal pressure of instant attraction is off the table?
Except I was attracted to him immediately.
And I suppose I was curious to see if that attraction would translate in person or if he was actually just some online creeper.
I hope not, since I’d sent Starboy my address.
My nerves are all over the place because I gave a strange man my home address. But my dad had helped me install a state-of-the-art security system when I bought the place, so I am at least protected that way. Besides, I hate to admit it, but if Starboy broke in wearing his mask, I’m not sure I’d be scared.
I think I’d be turned the hell on.
What is happening to me?!
Groaning, I roll over and cover my face with my hands. Sparrow purrs on the pillow next to me, and I reach over to him, pulling him into my chest.
“What am I going to do, Row Row?”
Sparrow meows his answer and purrs louder, nuzzling into my neck.
Suddenly, my phone rings, scaring Sparrow enough to send him jumping off my bed.
My heart leaps into my throat when I see it’s Starboy—orMaster,as I’d renamed him in my phone.
