Page 116 of Holy Hearts
After that, the banter flows easily. Chase and his wife, Juliet, are in town for the week, visiting from Northern California. We always attempt to get together often, and I see Miles, Liam, and Orion often enough. They all live in Crestwood, like me. But whenever Chase is here, we try to make more of an effort to spend time as brothers. Tonight, we’re at one of Orion’s bars in downtown Crestwood.
As per usual, I stay quiet and observe as my brothers continue discussing every facet of their respective kinks.
“What about Kai?” Chase asks. “He’s been awfully quiet over there. Where do you land on the pain versus pleasure spectrum?”
Both, I think.
I glance over at Orion—the only brother who knows what and who I’m into, because he’s seen me around Inferno. It’s not that I don’twantto tell them. Hell, they’re my brothers, and out of everyone, they’d understand more than anyone. But for me, kink is so personal and something I’ve always held close to my heart. Not out of shame, but because it feels like a language only I know how to speak. Especially the religious aspects… only someoneinthe church could understand.
And my brothers are most definitely not religious.
They would never judge me, but I know that sharing would mean unraveling something that’s always been mine. It’s tied to the church, and tothatpart of my life—something I’ve always held at arm’s length from them.
And though I’ve evolved from a pious eighteen-year-old reciting scripture to a mid-thirties pastor who got off on the same aspects that once made me kneel before an altar, it’s still the one thing I have for myself.
Being a middle brother meant I didn’t get a lot of things to myself.
In a large family like ours, where every action and choice was scrutinized by our father, it was hard to find something that belonged solely to me.
My kink is a quiet sanctuary for whenever the world gets too loud. I don’t intend to keep it hidden, but I suppose I want to preserve the intimacy of it. Being a Dominant anchors me. Especially when the rest of my life sort of feels like it’s spinning out of control—especially in the last few weeks.
I catch Orion’s subtle nod, a silent reassurance that he gets it, and that he won’t say anything.
“What about me?” I ask, leaning back and pinning my younger brother with a hard look.
Chase grins, the fucker. It’s as if he expects some sort of revelation to fall from my lips, but instead I let the silence stretch.Might as well make him squirm.
“There’s not much to tell,” I say quickly.
“Not much?” he goads, eyes twinkling.
“I mean, I guess there’s one thing,” I say slowly, reaching for my whiskey.
Looking down at the amber liquid, I clear my throat. I haven’t come out to them as bisexual, because I truly didn’t know I was—or couldn’t admit I was—until very recently. But I told myself the first step would be saying it out loud, and my brothers are the first people I’d tell anyway. I know, without a doubt, I already have their support.
I can feel the eyes of all of my brothers on me, and I guess it’s now or never, right?
“Well?” Miles asks, frowning.
Though, when my eyes dart over to my older brother, he winks at me, as if he already knows. And being the most observant brother, it’s possible he does.
“Don’t get too excited. It’s not as sordid as your stories,” I warn, glaring at Chase. Exhaling slowly, I set my glass down without taking a sip. “I’ve been spending time with Julian and Sophie.”
When I glance around the table, I realize they’re all waiting.Expectant.My lips twitch as I attempt to suppress a laugh.
“By spending time, I mean…” I rub the back of my neck, suddenly uncomfortable with labeling whatever it is the three of us are doing together.
“Go on,” Chase says, daring me to continue.
“It’s complicated,” I admit, choosing my words carefully. “It started with me helping around the house, and then I realized Ihad feelings for both of them. I like being around them. And now that Julian’s forgiven me for kissing him all those years ago?—”
“I knew it,” Liam says quickly, slapping the table. He points at Miles. “You owe me twenty bucks.”
I look between my older brothers. “You took bets?” I growl, glaring at them.
“I’m just insulted I wasn’t involved,” Orion mutters, looking at Chase. They both scoff.
“You were both minors at the time,” Liam says defensively, his smile wide. “And you were, like, twelve,” he adds, glancing at Orion. “It was a bet between adults.”
