Page 138 of Holy Hearts
This all feels sacrilegious.
And that thought only spurs meon.
I shouldn’t want him this much. I can feel the heat simmering beneath my skin, and it’s too much, too fast, like I’m chasing something I know will disappear.
“Kai—”
I pull his boxer briefs down and stare at his cock. It’s pretty. Thick, veiny, with a pink head—a pink head that’s leaking precum. The thought of turning him on so much that he’s already leaking precum only makes my cock harder.
Looking up at Julian, I let my hand slide over his length. It’s smooth and hard all at once, and it feels both familiar and foreign to me. His lashes flutter for just a second before his eyes bore into mine, steely and hard.
“Suck,” Julian orders, his tone commanding.
It sends a jolt of arousal straight through me, and I don’t hesitate to take him fully into my mouth.
The act of sucking, of letting my tongue explore the texture and soft feel of his shaft, feels strange. Everything is different from what I expected it to be—the salty taste, the heavy weight, the rhythm of my mouth as I move to take him into the back of my throat. It feels overwhelming, but not in the way I thought it would be.
And the sounds he makes—low, guttural—vibrate through me and send a tingling sensation down my spine.
“Fuck, Kai,” he murmurs, his voice frayed. His hand fists my hair tighter, guiding me deeper. I let him do it.I want him to.“Fuck, that’s it,” he adds.
My cock throbs with need at the noises he’s making. He sounds completely indecent, with the small whimpers that escape his throat and the low, deep growls that I can feel before I hear. Rocking his hips into my mouth, I let my tongue swirl around his length. And, because I know how amazing it feels, I use one hand to grab onto his ass, holding him deep inside my mouth, and the other to cup his balls.
The way his body shudders, the way his cock hardens just slightly, makes me cant my hips forward against nothing.
I need a release, because this is so much hotter than I thought it would be.
“I’m going to come soon,” Julian warns, squeezing my hair and trying to pull me away. “Kai, fuck, I’m so close?—”
I suction my cheeks, and he groans too loud for comfort before his cock spills into the back of my throat. I heave and gag, but I attempt to take it all, swallowing quickly. The salty, bitter cum coats the back of my throat, and when he finishes, he pulls out with a ‘pop’ and a mouth that’s hanging open.
I wish I could capture his face right now, because I’m pretty sure I could get Julian Ashford to do anything at this moment.
Pulling me to my feet, his hands keep me steady as I sway. My knees feel weak, and I adjust myself. The way he’s looking at me, a mix of awe and perhaps something he didn’t expect, sates me.
“You okay?” he asks, brushing a thumb over my scruff.
I nod, but what just happened settles over me, heavy and suffocating. I thought this would help—I thought it might clear my mind if I just submitted to him.
Like perhaps I’d find the answers between dropping to my knees and tasting all of him.
But now I feel like I’m caught somewhere between belonging and breaking.
As his hand cups my jaw, I let my stoic expression slide off, giving way to something I’m sure resembles vulnerability. The truth is impossible to ignore now. Especially when I close my eyes and lean into his touch.
I need them.
But not like this—not like a passing visitor. I need more.
I need to be their everything, too, or I don’t think I can do this at all.
“You’re overthinking again,” Julian says, his voice pulling me back to the present.
I want to tell him he’s wrong, that I’m fine, that I can handle this. But I can’t. Because the truth is, I don’t know how to balance what I feel for them with the life I’ve built. The life I’m supposed to live.
The rosary on the shelf catches my eye, and I can’t help but laugh softly—bitterly. The pastor. The Dominant. The brother. I’ve spent years keeping those parts of myself separate, hidden behind walls of control and self-preservation. But Julian and Sophie have undone all of that.
“Something funny?” he asks.
