Page 150 of Holy Hearts
I bark a laugh. “Julian!”
He’s chuckling even as he walks into the kitchen, whistling a song I don’t recognize.
“There’s no shit,” I tell him, rolling my eyes. “I have someone who does all of that. I mostly just brush, ride, and feed Snickers. My favorite things.”
“Listen, little dove, I’d shovel shit all day if you were by my side.”
Giving him a shy smile, I shove his shoulder playfully with my free hand. Then I bend down to unzip my boots, stepping into my trainers instead.
“I like this look,” Kai says, gesturing to my plaid skirt and bare legs. “You look like a naughty student.”
“Is that so? I bet you love that, you dirty headmaster.”
This makes him laugh, and the sight of him laughing like this—of letting go—is addictive.
“Come on. Let’s go.”
I open the door and Kai follows me out into the cool night. One of the stipulations of buying this house was that we had to build a barn. I’ve always had horses—I can’t remember a time when I didn’t have my own horse, as posh as that sounds. And Snickers is special to me, because picking her out was the first time I remember defying my parents.
She was my first taste of freedom.
Kai is quiet as we walk around the side of the house and down a lit pathway now flanked by magnolia trees.
“My house growing up was called ‘Magnolia Estate.’ My parents aren’t part of the aristocracy like Julian, but we were definitely upper class. They called themselves driven, but I thinkthey were merely ladder climbers, always on the outside waiting for an invitation inside. That’s why they brokered a deal with the Ashford family. Our marriage was informally arranged, meaning we were introduced with the expectation of furthering each family’s agenda. For the Ashfords, it meant a hefty dowry as well as a pretty wife for Julian. For my family, it meant that I would become a viscountess. Lady Sophia Grace Ashford.”
Kai hums in acknowledgment. “Your parents sound… interesting,” he says sarcastically.
I snort, stopping next to one of the baby magnolia trees I’d planted around the palace. I press my palm against the trunk, and look up at the large, blooming, white flowers.
“My mother always told me that magnolia trees represented nobility and purity. And that’s exactly how they raised me—not a hair out of place, not a word out of line. It wasn’t until we moved here that I learned magnolia trees also represent perseverance.”
It’s quiet, so quiet that the only sound is the faint rustle of magnolia leaves swaying in the breeze. For a moment, it feels like the world has shrunk down to just the two of us.
I glance sideways at Kai, catching the soft crease in his brow as he listens. He doesn’t interrupt, doesn’t press me to elaborate, but I can feel his attention wrapped around me.
I exhale, letting my fingers drift over the waxy petals of one of the magnolias. “Perseverance,” I repeat, tracing the outline of a flower with the tip of my finger. “I didn’t realize how much that word would mean to me until I left England.”
Kai watches me carefully, his head tilting slightly. “How so?”
I let out a quiet laugh, shaking my head as I brush my hair back over my shoulder. “Leaving felt like stepping off a perfectly laid path into… well, the wilderness. Everything was so clear-cut before. Marriage, titles, expectations—predictable. But here? Julian and I built this place with our own hands. It feels earned in a way nothing else in my life ever has.”
Kai’s gaze softens. He looks at the house behind us, the soft glow of light from the kitchen window spilling out over the lawn, and then back at the barn in the distance.
“It’s beautiful,” he says. “And it feels like you.”
I swallow against the sudden lump in my throat, caught off guard by how easily he seems to understand.
“It is,” I murmur. “I feel more like myself here. But sometimes…” I hesitate, the words hovering just on the edge of admission. “Sometimes I miss it. Not the life, but the little things. Silly things, really.”
Kai doesn’t look at me like it’s silly. His expression holds nothing but quiet patience.
“Like what?” he asks.
I step away from the magnolia tree, continuing toward the barn with him beside me. “Sunday roasts. The smell of mulled wine at Christmas markets, or even just the festive lights around my village at Christmastime. Watching football with my dad, even though I never really cared about it. The tiny village pubs that somehow still exist, even though they look like they’re about to collapse at any moment.”
I smile faintly, feeling the bittersweet pang of nostalgia settle low in my chest. “It’s not so much the place. It’s the memories. I guess I miss who I was when I was there. Or maybe… who I thought I was supposed to be.”
Kai doesn’t respond right away as he considers my words. “I get that. It’s strange, right? You leave, thinking you’re running toward freedom, but you end up carrying pieces of the past with you anyway.”
