Page 6 of Holy Hearts
Julian rubs the back of his neck and looks away. “Yeah. Just needed some air. Got more than I bargained for, I guess,” he adds, shaking his hair slightly.
I watch my best friend as he takes a tentative step back into the dorm room.
“You’re acting weird. Are you sure everything’s okay?”
“I’m fine,” he says quickly.Tooquickly. “Just… trying to process everything.”
I stand up straighter. “I told you, the only thing that has to change is us rooming together. We can still hang out.”
“I know.”
“Then, what? This feels like more than that,” I add, gesturing to him.
He sighs. “I’ll be fine, Kai. Really.”
The concern from earlier turns into something nagging and irritable. He’s avoiding me, and I want to know why. If what Oscar said is true, we should talk about it. The last thing I want is to lose him as a friend.
Julian steps into the dorm room fully and begins stepping out of his wet shoes.
“I know you, Julian. I know something’s bothering you. Please just talk to me. Whatever it is, you don’t have to hide it from me. You know I’ve always had your back, no matter what.”
Julian pauses, and a shadow of annoyance crosses over his expression. “It’s complicated.”
I take my chances and decide to make a playful joke. “No offense, but when is it evernotcomplicated with you? Remember that time you tried to charm your way out of three different speeding tickets in one day? You can’t even keep a road trip simple. Or the time you organized that spontaneous weekend trip to Vancouver—only to forget your passport and sweet-talk the customs officer into letting you through. Everything with you turns into an adventure.”
Julian smirks and looks down at the floor. The storm rages outside, and somehow, the dim room seems smaller in the dark. Julian is standing still, dripping wet, clearly struggling internally.
And for some reason, my heart is racing.
Julian runs his hand through his wet hair. “It’s just… everything’s changing, Kai. England, my family, us. I don’t knowhow to deal with it. I want everything to stay the same. I’m happy here.”
With me,I think.
I swallow. “You mean me? You don’t know how to deal with me leaving?”
He freezes, and his eyes flick up to mine. “That’s not what I?—”
“Then what?” I cut in, taking a step closer. I know I’m pushing him. The truth is, I’m scared of his answer. But Ineedto know. Can’t stand the thought of not knowing. “Because you’ve been acting weird since I told you I’d be moving out. And I don’t think it’s just about you going back to England.”
The corner of Julian’s mouth twists with exasperation. “What do you want me to say, Kai? That I’m scared of leaving? Of losing this—us?”
My heart thumps against my ribs, and it feels like I can’t breathe. “That’d be a good start.”
There’s another tense pause. The air feels heavy, charged with more than just the storm outside.
“I’m scared of everything. What happens next… and what I’m feeling.”
My throat tightens with anticipation, and I ball my fists at my sides. “What are you feeling?”
Julian stops moving. One shoe is off, and his face and hair are still wet. He’s drenched and vulnerable, and his guard is down in a way I’ve never seen before. It’s disorienting, and my mind is reeling with confusion.
If someone had asked me if Julian was attractive, I’d have said yes. He’s my best friend… of course I noticed the way people’s eyes tracked his features, his muscular build, his bright smile.
But now?
Now I can’t help but notice the way the stark light from the flashlight catches the blond scruff along his angular jaw, the sharp cut of it softened only by the faintest shadow. His thick brows frame those piercing blue eyes, cool and stormy beneath dark lashes that brush his skin when he blinks.
“I don’t know what to do with this. With… you. Every time I’m around you lately, it’s… different, and I can’t figure out how to deal with it.” His voice is uncharacteristically unsteady, as if he’s struggling to find the right words. “I don’t know how to handle it.”
