Page 163 of Holy Hearts
“I’m serious, Julian.” His voice dips lower, each word deliberate. “You told me this was just payback. How am I supposed to know it’s not still that?”
I swallow, hard. “It wasn’t. It’s not.” His silence stretches between us. “I think about you every day,” I admit, the words rough around the edges. “Every damn day. Seventeen years, and nothing’s changed.”
Kai stays rooted, jaw tight, but I catch the flicker in his expression—the part of him that wants to believe me.
I take another step closer, filling the space between us.
He stays rooted, jaw tightening, but I swear I can feel the emotions radiating from him.
“I’m sorry,” I tell him earnestly. “For everything. For not knowing how to handle this. I’ve never…” I swallow, running a hand over my mouth. Kai’s eyes track the movement. “I didn’t know how to make room for… you.”
I pause, the words catching in my throat as a realization strikes me. Maybe it’s not about the sharing that’s been hard—it never really was. It’s the change. I’ve always thrived on the thrill of orchestrating something new, the high of control, the rush of it. But this—this is different. It’s steady, loving, intimate in ways I hadn’t anticipated.
And for the first time, I can see the beauty in it, the trust that comes with letting someone else in. Of sharing the dominance for once, not because I need to, but because I want to.
I meet Kai’s eyes again, feeling the weight of my own vulnerability in the moment. “I’m learning,” I say quietly, my voice steadier now. “And I want to keep learning—with you.”
His expression wobbles, like he wants to believe me, but something is still holding him back.
I step closer, careful but deliberate, until I’m near enough to feel the tension radiating from him. “You were never payback,” I continue, the words rasping out of me like they cost something. “You matter to me. To Sophie. This—” I gesture between us, and my hand lingers in the space between his chest and mine. “This was never temporary for me. I’m telling you this because I need you.Weneed you.”
For a long second, he just watches me.
But then he takes a step toward me, closing the distance until I can feel the warmth of his breath on my face.
“How can you be sure of what you want when it changes so quickly?” he murmurs.
His words sting, but I can’t deny the truth they carry. “Because love doesn’t change. You’re not some hobby I want to conquer.” I press my body into his. “You never have been, Kai.”
His eyes search mine, flashing with something I can’t quite name—desire, anger, doubt. Slowly, he reaches up, his fingers brushing the side of my jaw.
“I lied earlier,” he growls. “I did want to hear you grovel a little bit.”
“You’re such a prat,” I murmur, mesmerized by the way his pupils bloom dark.
“I’m learning to account for my worth,” he says, voice serious. “Journaling, talking to a therapist, visiting my brothers more often… I know it wasn’t all you and Sophie. I know I pushed you away. So I’m sorry, too. I didn’t know how to ask for what I wanted. But I’m learning. I’m going to try.”
“And what is it that you want?” I ask, voice soft.
“You. Sophie. If I do this, I want all of it,” he starts, voice low and rough and brooking no argument. “There’s no going back for me. I want you and Sophie, and all of us together. I want cinnamon rolls in the morning, and cheesy horror movies on the couch at night. And I want an equal say in this relationship.”
He exhales sharply, his gaze burning into mine.“But I also want this to be real. I don’t just want to be an addition to what you and Sophie already have—I want to build something with both of you. That means time with you, time with her. One-on-one, figuring out what this looks like for us as individuals before we shape it as a whole.”
I nod, something warm unfurling in my chest.He’s right. This isn’t just about fitting him into a space that already exists—it’s about making space for something new.
“Good,” I whisper, hardly able to breathe. “I want all of that, too. And so does Sophie. We’re not going anywhere, Kai.”
But he doesn’t move, his gaze locked on mine, unyielding. “Words aren’t enough, Julian,” he says quietly, but there’s steel in his voice. “You’re going to have to prove it, to show me that this isn’t just about control or convenience for you. That you’re ready to meet me where I need you.”
I swallow hard, his challenge cutting straight through me, but I don’t flinch. Instead, I take a step closer, lowering my gaze deliberately, baring myself to him in a way I never have before. My hands fall to my sides, open and unguarded, as if to say,I’m yours to command.
“Tell me what you need,” I murmur. “I’ll do it. Whatever it takes, Kai. I’m yours. Fully. I’ll prove it as many times as you need me to.”
For a moment, the air between us crackles, charged and heavy, Kai’s sharp gaze searching mine. And then, just when I think he might walk away, his hand grips the back of my neck, pulling me closer, his lips a breath away from mine.
His voice is low, unsteady. “That’s all I needed to hear.”
And then Kai’s mouth crashes against mine, and I stumble back against the lockers from the force of it. His hands grip my hips, pulling me closer. And his lips move against my own with a fervor I’ve never felt before.Like he’s been starved.My hands move up to his shoulders, then they move to his hair. I moan when I run my fingers through his soft strands, and his musky smell is intoxicating. Everything about this makes me feel raw—exposed.Vulnerable.It’s a mix of need and heat and frustration, all rolled into one.
