Page 86 of Holy Hearts
Gratitude.
His lips twitch into the beginnings of a smile, and I realize in this moment just how much he’s been carrying this weight alone. The idea of exploring his feelings for Kai, of daring to step into the uncharted space we’re now tiptoeing through together, has obviously been bothering him. But now? Now, we’re here, together, unraveling it piece by piece.
“You mean that?” Julian asks, his voice hesitant but laced with hope.
I nod, my fingers tightening around his. “I do. Look, this… it’s not exactly traditional, I know. But when have we ever done things the traditional way? What I feel for you doesn’t shrink because of Kai. And what you might feel for him? It doesn’t take away from us. I think we’re stronger than that.”
He stares at me for a moment, his gaze searching mine as though he’s trying to figure out where my boundaries truly lie—or if they even exist in the way he feared.
“And what about you?” he asks, his voice quieter now. “How do you feel about Kai?”
The question sends an unexpected ripple of warmth through me.
“I don’t know,” I admit, being fully open and transparent. “But I like him. And I like the way he cares about you, and the way he talks about you. It’s hard not to feel drawn to him because of that. I sort of feel like we share something, you know?”
Julian tilts his head, considering my words. “So, you’re saying…”
“I’m saying,” I interrupt, grinning, “that maybe this doesn’t have to be a problem. Maybe it could be something beautiful.”
His brow furrows slightly, but there’s a light in his eyes now, a flicker of understanding, of intrigue.
“You think we could make this work? All three of us?”
I shrug, though my smile doesn’t falter. “We shouldn’t get ahead of ourselves. We’d have to talk to Kai. And…” I pause for a beat, my gaze softening as I search his face. “We’d have to make sure you’re okay, too.”
His expression falters—just for a second—but I catch it. The hesitation. The old wounds I know are still there, even if he doesn’t say it outright.
“I know you, Julian,” I continue gently. “I know there’s history there, and I don’t want to ignore that. This isn’t just about attraction—it’s about trust. And if there’s any hurt left between you and Kai, we need to talk about it before we even think about moving forward. Otherwise, it’s not fair to any of us.”
Julian exhales slowly, running a hand through his hair. “You’re not wrong,” he admits after a moment. “There’s a lot I haven’t let go of. And I don’t want to mess this up before it even begins.”
I reach for his hand, squeezing it lightly. “Then we take it slow. We figure it out together. But only if it’s what we all want—and if we’re all ready.”
His lips quirk in a small, thoughtful smile. “You always know how to keep me in check.”
I smirk. “Someone has to.”
Julian exhales a laugh, shaking his head, but there’s a brightness in him now that wasn’t there before.For a long moment, he just looks at me, like he’s trying to see if I really mean it—if this could truly be as simple as I’m making it sound. I can practically hear the wheels turning in his head, his instinct to analyze, to find the cracks in an idea before it even has the chance to exist.
But instead of voicing another doubt, he sighs, dragging a hand through his hair. “You make it sound so simple.”
“It is simple,” I tease. “You’re overthinking it. Just… let it be what it’s going to be. Let’s talk to him. See how he feels. No pressure, no expectations. Just honesty.”
For the first time all night, Julian smiles—really smiles. He bends down, his face an inch from mine.
“I don’t deserve you,” he murmurs, his voice laced with affection.
“Don’t be ridiculous,” I whisper back. “We deserve each other. And maybe, just maybe, we deserve him too. Maybe there’s enough of whatever we have to go around.”
“Okay,” he says, his nose brushing against mine. “What does this mean, then? We’ve never done this. It’s only ever been a one-time thing with other men.”
I shrug. “We should talk to Kai. But… I think a blanket permission to be with him—with the caveat that we communicate about it—is a good first step. If he wants to, that is.”
Julian nods, resting his forehead against my own. “You’re perfect. Is it bad that I want to fuck you on top of this gorgeous marble?”
I laugh. “I’m surprised we haven’t already. We’ve christened so many other places in the house…”
“Oh, fuck. You have things to do,” he murmurs, kissing me on the cheek and stepping back.
