Page 104 of Kneel with the King
She’d gone quiet for a beat before saying softly,“Maybe it’s not about letting him in. Maybe it’s about admitting he’s already there.”
That one gutted me… because she was right. Every time I tried to tell myself it was just sex, the lie burned hotter and hotter until I couldn’t escape it. I just had to give in to burning myself alive.
Every time I tried to forget, I remembered some small, stupid thing—how he knew my likes and dislikes without asking, how his voice sounded different in the mornings, how he looked at me like he already knew what I wanted before I said it.
Howsafehe made me feel.
I’ve worked through more on the phone with her in the last two weeks than I have in the last decade by myself. And I keep coming to the same ugly yet simple conclusion: I didn’t leave because I didn’t care. I left because I cared too much, too fast. And even now, every realization still circles back to him.
Ava comes back in, Ezra freshly changed and already gnawing on her shoulder. She bounces him gently, eyes flicking between me and Maddox. “Are you going to tell them?” she asks, like she’s reminding me to take out the trash.
I blink innocently. “Tell them what?”
She gives me that look, the one that says she’s not buying it. It’s the same look she’d given me every night when we inevitably switch to video call.
We agreed I’d tell them today, and something akin to nervousness flutters in my stomach like butterflies.
Maddox frowns. “What’s going on?”
I glance between them, my pulse ticking faster. For years, I’ve been able to compartmentalize everything about myself, shoving inconvenient truths into neat boxes and sealing the lidstight. But lately… it feels like the lids are coming loose whether I want them to or not.
“It’s not a big deal,” I start, which is exactly what people say before saying something that is a big deal.Here goes nothing.“I’m… bi. I think.”
Ari’s eyebrows lift, but she doesn’t look surprised.
Maddox blinks, then sets his coffee down slowly. “You think?”
I rub the back of my neck. “It’s new. I haven’t really—” I break off, exhaling hard. “I just know that… I’ve been with men before, but it’s different now. I wanted to tell you guys. Officially.”
Maddox studies me for a long moment. “Okay.”
Ava shoots him a glare, but I just watch him digest the information. He can’t betoosurprised. After all, he caught me hooking up with a guy once.
There’s a beat of silence, and then Ari leans forward. “Asher, no one here cares who you like. We just care if you’re happy. I’m sorry if we gave you any indication that we wouldn’t accept you exactly as you are.”
The words land heavier than I expected. Like I’ve been holding my breath for years and only just realized it. My throat goes tight, and I have to look away, blinking fast.
“You didn’t,” I manage. “It’s… not something I’ve exactly been ready to say out loud. And I’m still figuring it out.”
Maddox speaks up then, his voice softer than I’ve heard it in a long time, except when he’s talking to Ezra. “You don’t have to have it all figured out. You just have to know we’ve got your back. Always. Isn’t that what family’s for? Mom’s going to go berserk, in the best way,” he adds.
Ava reaches over and squeezes my knee. “See? Told you.”
Ari nods, and even Maddox, the brother I resented for so long, is giving me this small, steady smile.
It’s… a lot. In a good way. And for the first time in weeks, the pressure in my chest eases, just a little.
“If it’s a guy making you smile more than you scowl, then I’m on board,” Maddox adds.
From across the room, Spencer snorts, then quickly looks away, clearing his throat.
Ari grins. “Also, bi men are hot. So, bonus points.”
A laugh bursts out of me before I can stop it, and for the first time in two weeks, it doesn’t feel forced. It’s such an Ari thing to say, and for the first time since we broke up, I feel like we might be okay.
Ezra squeals, waving a tiny fist in the air, and Ava presses a kiss to the top of his head. “You know,” she says lightly, “you could just call him.”
“Wait, you know the deets and haven’t spilled?” Ari asks her sister.
