Page 34 of Do It For Me
I glance at the telephone.
Dante:Goodnight, amore. Sogni d’oro.8
Dante was still texting me earlier, and his last message came an hour ago… and I didn’t reply. He’ll think I didn’t want to talk to him. He’s going to be pissed.
My heart aches, and my chest is squeezing the air from my lungs.
Can I call him? Would that be wrong? I don’t want to be alone. Mum is screaming a few rooms away, and I can’t leave mine…
Will he be angry if I call him?
Me:I dnt want to botr you
Me:But csn I csll yiu?
I’m shaking. I don’t want to feel like this.
Please, make it stop!
Perhaps he’s already asleep. Perhaps he doesn’t want to be bothered. He’ll probably tell me to fuck off and block me. Why would he want to hear someone crying her heart out? Will he think it’s something stupid, just like my father does? Will he get angry because he wants something I can’t give? I don’t want him to look for someone else, but I can’t give him what he wants either. Will he force me? Will I have to—
My phone vibrates with an incoming call. I answer immediately.
“What’s wrong, sweetheart?”
Hearing his soft voice breaks me. I cry into the pillow, trying to stifle my screams. Mum is still screaming and begging while my father grunts. I don’t know if it’s from the force of the beating or if he’s doingthingsto her again.
I don’t want this. I can’t take this.
“I n-need—”
“What did he do? Do you need me to come over?”
“N-no!” I don’t know if he will actually come to see me later, and I don’t want him to. “H-he showed me a v-v-video—I f-feel so…”Disgusting.“Stupid.”
I hug the pillow tighter and sob. I can barely catch my breath. My heart pounds against my ribcage, threatening to burst.
Why do I still feel their hands on me? Why am I still there? Why are they still here?
Why doesn’t it stop?
I’m going to die. I can’t breathe.
I want to die, but I can’t leave Mum alone. I’m all she has.
I can’t breathe!
“Sweetheart, tell me five things that are in your room.”
Why does he want that? I can’t stop crying. I can’t—
“Please,amore. Let me help you, even if it’s from the distance… Please,vita mia.9”
I look around.
“A T-TV… m-my closet, the w-w-window.” I clench my jaw until my teeth grind.
“That’s it, beautiful. You look so pretty with us inside of you.”
