Page 17 of The Sky Beneath Us
She shrugged. ‘I’m contented, Vi. Rufus is a kind man. And it’s a relief to know I’ll have a home of my own and be well taken care of. Charles and Helen are going to be living here at Ardtuath soon, now Pa has decided to hand over the running of the estate to him. Heaven only knows, moving into the north wing with Pa and Ma would drive me completely potty. Rufus’s proposal came at an opportune moment.’
She couldn’t conceal the flatness in her voice though. ‘Oh Hetty, are you completely sure you want to marry Rufus?’ I said. ‘He’s so much older, and not having children of your own is a big sacrifice to make.’
She smiled, shaking her head. The stone in her ring flashed as she raised her hand to smooth back the lock of her hair I’d dislodged and pin it firmly in place. ‘I shall try to be the best stepmother there ever was. I truly am fond of him, and of Arabella and Angus too. It gives me a sense of purpose, having a role to play in trying to make up in some little way for the mother they’ve lost, and supporting him. And it will be exciting to live in London, when we’re not up at Shieldaig. The house there is in one of the best squares. You must come and stay with us and we’ll visit Kew Gardens together.’ She patted my hand reassuringly. ‘You’re looking well, Vi. Gardening obviously suits you, even if you may be pining for your Callum.’ She glanced at the parcel lying on my bed. ‘I’ll see you downstairs shortly. There’s a fire in the drawing room so it’s almost frost-free for a change!’
I tugged at the string, but Callum had tied the knot so tightly I couldn’t make it budge, so in the end I resorted to unearthing my nail scissors from my case and cutting it. I unwrapped the mostbeautiful brown cashmere shawl – as fine as a cobweb and soft as thistledown. I buried my face in it, trying to detect a little of his natural scent of fresh air and wood smoke, but instead it smelled faintly of unfamiliar spices. I drew it over my shoulders as I settled on the bed, feet tucked up beneath me, to read his letter.
Namaste Guesthouse
Durbar Square
Kathmandu, Nepal.
Dearest Vi,
Well, we’ve reached Kathmandu at last and I’m very glad to have seen the back of ships and trains for the foreseeable future. When I stand still, I still feel as if the ground is pitching and swaying beneath my feet and my stomach churns all over again. We’ll be spending a while here as there are provisions to be found and arrangements to be made before we start for the mountains. I’ve met Colonel Fairburn at last and he is just as impressive as we’d heard. So far, our meetings have been brief and have related only to the practicalities of preparing for the next stage of the expedition, but I’m sure there will be opportunities to get to know him better in the weeks of trekking that lie ahead of us.
The city is a dirty, sprawling place, and I will spare you the description of my digs, not wanting to put you off your Christmas dinner. Suffice it to say, our Samhain bothy seems positively palatial bycomparison. This is to be our base for the next few weeks as the weather is against us even in the subtropics here on the plain. I’m champing at the bit to get going, as you can imagine, but it will be a while until we can start exploring the more clement valleys in the hills north of the city, let alone begin to climb into the mountains. The other chaps laugh at my impatience and tell me to make the most of being here. Even though conditions in the city are grim, they say this is pretty luxurious compared to what we’ll be in for on the trek. I doubt the countryside will be as filthy though ... personally, I long for fresh air and a mountain stream to wash in. And hillsides covered with lilies the colours of the sunrise and poppies the colour of sky, just like you said on the first day we worked together.
I ventured out to the market this morning and found this shawl. I hope you like it. The woman I bought it from told me it’s called a ring pashmina, because it’s fine enough to pass through the wedding ring I will be buying you on my return. The colour reminds me of those hazelnuts we put on the fire. I hope you still feel the same way you did then. I miss you, Vi, and long for the day when we’ll be together again.
I’m going to finish up now because there’s a man leaving the expedition party today to return home to England, so he will take this with him and post it to Scotland from there. I want to be sure it’s waiting for you when you get to Aultbea for Christmas. The poor blighter’s health has taken a battering in the tropics and his skin has turned quite yellow. But the doctorshere have given him some local medicine and say he should make a full recovery once he returns to Great Britain. The Colonel is paying for him to return by aeroplane from Delhi. He’s a decent chap.
Sending you all my love, Vi.
Callum
It was in church on Christmas morning that I realised I’ve been carrying a secret within me ever since the night of Samhain. As usual, the first carol was ‘Once in Royal David’s City’, but as I sang the words ‘Where a mother laid her baby in a manger for his bed’, a thought struck me. I stopped singing and instinctively laid a hand on my belly, imagining I could already feel a slight thickening there. It explained my feelings of tiredness and a faint nausea, which I’d put down to missing Callum and the hard work of the last few weeks since his departure. The gesture made Hetty glance down towards my lap and then she quickly looked straight ahead again. But I saw the colour drain from her cheeks, and the way she studiously avoided catching my eye told me she, too, had realised at that moment. I took a deep breath and we both began singing the words of the second verse.
Once the service was over and we’d emerged from the kirk, she drew me to one side. Ma and Pa were busy shaking hands with the minister at the door. She didn’t say a word, but she put her arms around me, hugging me tightly. Sudden tears sprang to my eyes as I leaned against her because it was as if she was hugging my baby too. In that moment, I knew she would continue to help me keep my secret.
‘We’ll talk later,’ I whispered, and she nodded, then let go of me and we followed our parents back through the little graveyardto the waiting car. Charles and Helen had arrived by the time we got home, bringing little Alec with them. The dear wee soul was dressed up in a sailor suit and was allowed to come and show us his new spinning top in the drawing room, until Nanny whisked him away to the nursery to eat his lunch.
Hetty and I didn’t have a moment to ourselves until the evening. Charles dominated the day, as usual, although he seemed in fairly good spirits for once, holding forth on his plans for the estate and his imminent move to the big house. I was thankful for him distracting Ma and Pa, so they didn’t notice me pushing the sprouts around my plate and scarcely swallowing a sip of the fine claret with which Pa insisted on making a special toast to Hetty’s last Christmas at Ardtuath. I saw my sister’s frequent glances in my direction, though, but she was careful to provide a distraction too, engaging Helen in conversation about the furniture she’d like to keep in the main part of the house when Ma and Pa moved into the north wing.
Helen is a dear soul, a far nicer and gentler wife than our brother deserves, and she looked across the table at me and said, ‘Violet, I know you love Edinburgh and will probably go on to become a famous flower arranger like Mrs Constance Spry, whose shop I’ve just been reading about inThe Ladymagazine, but I want you to know there will of course always be room for you here with us at Ardtuath. Little Alec would love having at least one of his aunts around. And you could always redesign the gardens here. I know Mrs Hanbury would love to be able to talk about plants with you at Inverewe as well, just as you used to do. So you will bear us in mind, won’t you?’
I knew she meant well. But the thought of Charles’s face when he heard Alec would have a baby cousin within the coming year – the illegitimate child of his wayward younger sister and a mere gardener – almost made me choke on the piece of puddingI was attempting to swallow. I felt as if the walls were closing in around me and a sudden flush of heat overcame me.Do NOT faint!I told myself firmly, knowing it would only draw attention and make them fuss, asking questions that might arouse suspicion about my predicament. Hetty quietly topped up my water glass and pushed it a little closer before filling hers and Helen’s too.
I was thankful to get up from the table and flee to the bathroom, where I splashed my face with cold water before rejoining Ma, Hetty and Helen in the drawing room. The menfolk were obviously still smoking their cigars in the dining room and for once I didn’t resent the women being banished. One single whiff of that pungent smoke would surely have made my stomach heave. Wee Alec was there and I sank to my knees beside him on the floor, making up a game with his box of model cars.
At last, Charles proclaimed it time to leave. Nanny gathered everything up and Helen took Alec by the hand, bringing his dear little face up to each of us for a kiss goodbye. Once we’d waved them off down the drive, I made my excuses and retired to my room. A few minutes later, I wasn’t surprised to hear a quiet tapping on my door and opened it to find Hetty standing there.
Without a word, I pulled her inside and closed the door behind her. She sat on the edge of my bed and drew me down to sit alongside her. We looked at one another in silence and then she said, ‘I have just two things to say, Violet.’
I braced myself, expecting a lecture.
‘The first is, I’m so very happy for you. I know how much you love Callum. There are people who will condemn what you’ve done, but I am not one of them. Don’t let this be anything but joyful for you and your child.’
My hug, squeezing the air out of her lungs, prevented her from telling me the second of the things she wanted to for a few moments.
When she could breathe again, she went on, ‘The other thing I wish to say is that I will do whatever you want to help you and support you. If it means calling off my own engagement, then so be it. Perhaps we can rent a little cottage in the country somewhere, far away from Ardtuath and from our brother, who will surely explode when he hears the news, and I will live with you and help support you financially until your baby is born and Callum comes home.’
I was stunned she’d managed to give it so much thought, even as she’d carried on so calmly throughout all the other demands of the day. I’d scarcely been able to absorb the realisation of my condition, let alone think about practicalities and imagine what it might mean for the rest of my family.
Once I could find the words, I said, ‘Absolutely not, Hetty. I won’t let you sacrifice your chance to make some sort of a life for yourself on my account. You must marry Rufus. And, besides, his children need you. How lucky they will be to have you there.’
She shook her head, then reached out her hand a little tentatively and placed it gently on my stomach, just below the waistband of my frock. ‘This child will be my niece or nephew ... a blood relation. If I have to choose then I’ll stay with you until it arrives safely in the world. You can’t do this on your own, Vi, and with Callum so far away I don’t see any other option.’
