Page 34 of I Knew You
“Weak,” he chuckled, spreading butter on his toast, “but also cute.”
Silently pleased with myself, I took another bite.
I studied the integrity of my eggs, unable to think of one thing to say. I wanted to ask about his volunteer work on a serious level, but would that make him uncomfortable, too? While I was still deciding what to say, he spoke. “Are we gonna skirt around the elephant in the room, or are we gonna talk this through?”
I sobered, slowing the chewing of my toast.
“Which elephant?” I whispered, unable to grasp which string he wanted to pull.
He chuckled. “Fair question.” He downed a gulp of hot coffee, despite the steam rising off the liquid. I had no idea how he managed to do it without burning his tongue. He continued, “Let’s take it one elephant at a time. What are you doing in Roanoke for your back? Why here? And what’s the plan? Whit only told me bits and pieces.”
I licked jelly and crumbs off my fingertips. “Long story short, I have to have surgery because of what I told you last night. Cutting off my spinal nerves could leave me paralyzed.”
He stared at me but said nothing.
I could tell from the context clues over the past half day that he still blamed himself for everything that happened with the wreck and my back. But the deer running out in front of us hadn’t been his fault. I remembered the desperation in his voice and the pain in his face as he begged to stay with me on theside of the road. I’d pushed him away. I made him leave me. I’d even threatened him.
And I owned my decisions. I loved him beyond myself.
I softened my expression, letting my guard slip ever so slightly. “The situation will only worsen. My normal orthopedic surgeon is retiring this month, and he referred me to the best specialist he knows. She is here in Roanoke. Things should move quickly. Then, in a couple of months, I should be all healed up and back to Charlotte I’ll go. If everything goes well.”
“It will, I’m sure of it. I’m glad they’re moving fast.” He looked down into his coffee.
“And the day before I found out about the herniated disc, is when my company let me go. They said that it wasn’t personal, just a change in structure. But you can’t tell Whit, okay?”
His gaze whipped up to meet mine. “What? Why?”
I shrugged. “I don’t want him or anyone to know. I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have saddled you with that information.”
His lips twitched slightly.
“Secret is safe, if that’s what you want. Did you know it was coming?”
I nodded. “I ignored the inevitable. The worst part is that it’s left me without health insurance for the surgery. I could probably qualify for some government assistance, but how long would it take? I thought about waiting for the new doctor in Charlotte, but my doctor was insistent that I have the procedure as soon as possible. So, I guess I’ll worry about medical payments like every other American.”
He drank his coffee, bent over with his elbows on the table, homed in on my every word.
“Whit could pay for it.” His words were matter-of-fact.
I shook my head. “No. That’s why I don’t want him to know I lost my job.”
“That doesn’t make sense. You have to tell him. He’ll pay for it in a heartbeat,” Bram insisted.
I held my mug. “It’s not that easy for me. I don’t want my brother’s money. I don’t want that feeling of owing him hanging over me. I love him, of course, but things got so weird between us after Grams died. When I found out he’d kept buying Grams’ house from me, I was disappointed. It cemented how far apart we are. And then I saw what he’d done to the house yesterday?—”
“It wasn’t what you thought,” he finished for me. I looked down at the wood grain on the breakfast table. I could hear the heaviness in his deep voice. “I didn’t know it would affect you so much, or I would have refused to do the work.”
“It needed updating. It’s not a museum. It’s just me being silly…”
“Julianna.” His voice sounded like a reprimand.
My eyes met his again, ready to defend myself at his tone. But what I saw in his face unraveled my anger. He wasn’t reprimanding me. His face showed a tangle of more complicated emotions, raw and exposed, like a nerve left to the open air.
“It’s never silly to chase what makes you feel safe and comfortable.”
I tried to let his words sink in before speaking. “Do you ever feel like you want things to be like they used to be?”
His jaw worked for a minute.
