Page 41 of I Knew You
“I’ll always forgive your mistakes because I know your motives were pure. You have a heart of gold. But Bram? I don’t know him. I don’t know his inner workings or his motives. He could jump off the side of a mountain, and it’s not going to affect me.”
I sat up in the plush seat. “I can’t dismiss him because you hate him, and I don’t want to be cruel. If I tell him I’m not going back to his house, I need a solid reason.”
“Just admit you want to go with him, then. I know you want to. If you didn’t, you’d have told him no, and we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”
I wasn’t doing well at appearing objective, and it was timeto come clean. “I think I still have feelings for him.” Kallie was an empathetic person, but I wasn’t sure I could get her to understand the pull I felt toward Bram.
I had been in love with him for years. Granted, it was during my teenage years when I didn’t fully understand the intricacies of the choices that come with loving someone. But had I ever stopped?
Kallie let out a very breath. “Fine. Go home with him. Let him watch over you until I can take over. He owes you that much at least.”
That was not what I had expected her to say.
“He doesn’t owe me anything.”
“Bullshit. He told you he wanted you, that he cared for you, and then changed his mind. He told you he changed his mind onthe day of your grandmother’s funeralwhile you were in the hospital. Then he never came back around. Until now… It all makes no sense. You deserve answers.”
“I don’t need the rehash,” I scolded, standing to my feet. “He removed himself from my equation—no more, no less.”
Kallie sighed. “He should have stayed, Julianna. He could have at least been there for you in the aftermath, when you were grieving. Quit making excuses for him. Why are you defending him so much?”
I wanted to say I didn’t know, but that wasn’t true because the truth was written in my mind in bold letters:I still care for him. I’m still attracted to him, and I’m going back to his house like he wants.
What I needed was for Kallie to tell me it was fine. But how she judged him and our situation made it clear I wouldn’t get that from her.
“I can’t explain to you how complicated our situation was.”
“So complicated that you couldn’t even explain it to your brother?”
My breath hitched. Her words were like a cold splash ofwater on my burning defiance. She must have sensed my shock when I didn’t respond with words.
“That was a low blow. I’m sorry,” she said, regret laced in her tone. “I know why you didn’t tell him Bram was with you that night. I love you so much, but I can’t say what you want me to. But areyouhappy being around him? Doyouwant him around? That’s really all that matters. I will be most happy if you are happy.”
I let myself speak before censoring my words. “It’s better than being here alone. Coming here has been harder than I thought it would be.”
“So this has nothing to do with the fact that you’ve been pining over Bram for fifteen years.”
“I have not been pining!” I cried, indignant. But my brain whispered,Liar.
Kallie’s voice became clear. “If it were up to me, you’d send him back to his stupid house and dog, call your brother and tell him about losing your job, and he’d give you the money to cover the surgery. Then I would take care of you when it’s surgery time, and we’d come back to Charlotte after you healed. Here, you would work part-time at the bakery until you found your footing again. And the vampire would be toast.”
She snapped her fingers for emphasis.
“Kallie—”
“I worry about your hopelessly romantic heart. You are the smartest woman I know, but emotions play a number on everyone, even smart women.”
“I like being close to him,” I admitted, my voice lower than it had been, more subdued. “He feels like home, something I’ve missed so much.”
“I know, babe,” she replied. “I support you no matter what. Just make sure your heart can handle him back in your life. And you might as well use his dick while you’re at it.”
“Kallie!” I scolded her, but couldn’t keep the smile off my face.
“What? You might as well get all you can out of your trip.” She laughed. “Listen to your gut about him. You deserve happiness, whether it makes you happy to let him look after you or if you decide to break his heart.”
“I can’t break something that’s not mine.” The words made a lump form in my throat, but I needed to make that my new mantra.
“That sounds like famous last words.”
