Page 76 of I Knew You
“I’ll hurt you,” he protested huskily through our kissing.
I shook my head vehemently, not wanting to part with the sensations I was feeling. I would die before asking him to move.
His lips roamed my cheeks, my temple, back down to my neck, and licked my skin reverently. Sometimes he’d simply breathe me in.
“Bram,” I exhaled his name, slipping my hands down to rest on his sides, then sliding along his clothed back, feeling every delicious muscle and dip. “We don’t have to do this. It’s okay.”
I couldn’t shake the feeling that he felt bad for me. He pitied that my body betrayed me, for losing my job, and being alone. He was only kissing me because I’d cried again, like a jealous and petty wife, when I was nothing. I was simply a business arrangement so he could get his inheritance. Or his best friend’s sad sister.
His pelvis ground into me, and I gasped.
He smoothly dipped his body against mine, then looked straight into my eyes. “Does it feel like I don’t want to, sweets?” His voice dripped with lust.
I felt so singular to him when he called me that. Did he give nicknames to other women? I almost asked, but I was interrupted by his hands making their way under my shirt. My breath caught as his coarse fingertips slid up my sides, caressing the soft padding that was me.
I was realistic about how I was shaped and how most men perceived me. I wasn’t insecure in my reality, but I was insecure about what he might think. He’d probably never touched any other woman like me, one with a thicker stomach and thighs. In high school, he only dated girls who were skinny. Did men ever stray from those preferences of their youth? What if I had sex with him and then he decided he wasn’t truly attracted to me physically? I wanted so badly to give in to what he was offering, but I had to keep my wits about me. He wasn’t just some man. He was Bram Winchester.
He touched my stomach softly, kneading my skin under his skilled fingers before I could voice my wary thoughts. It was the part of my body I thought he would ignore, like every other man who’d gotten that far.
I flinched.
He stilled. “Are you okay?” He leaned back, the look of lusty intoxication still heavy in his eyes.
“Sorry, I was surprised. I’ve never…and I-I…listen, Bram, I…”
I’d said enough with my word vomit, which was an ailment I could not seem to shake.
What did I think I was going to say to him?
‘Oh, by the way, I’m a virgin.’
His brows furrowed. He must have seen the hesitancy in my gaze. He eased off me and got on his knees, staring over me as Ilay still in the light of the television. He let out a long, heavy breath as he ran his hand over his head.
“Okay.” He seemed to have decided something.
I wanted to reach for him, but I was paralyzed. He swung his legs over and stood quickly. He held out a hand to help me sit up, which I took, my eyes never leaving his face.
“I’m going to go to bed.” His voice was quiet. “I’ll see you in the morning. We can talk then, if that’s okay? I don’t want to go another day not speaking.”
“Oh.” I didn’t know what to say, think, or feel. “Oh…okay. Sure.”
I wrapped my arms around my midsection defensively. He watched the movement, and I saw his jaw tic. I was so stupid. Confused, horny, and foolish.
Then he was gone, his steps hard and quick up the stairs, Lakey on his heels with her little paw taps on the wood. He clung to me like cigarette smoke in the winter, lingering and unmistakable. I could still feel and smell his presence all over me.
I was desperate for a resolution, but I was too much of a coward and a cautious soul to chase it. Like always, I’d made assumptions about people’s feelings and intentions.
I picked up my phone and clicked on Kallie’s name.
Me: I can’t call because he might hear, but I royally screwed up. Bram kissed me. We started making out on the couch, but I got inside my head. I froze, and he ran off. Do you think he did it because of what happened yesterday?
Me: I am not his type. I am confused. I’m supposed to be cautious. I’m supposed to not care about him. I need perspective.
Me: Help.
Kallie, ever the best friend, was quick to respond.
Kallie: I disapprove of this. But let’s pretend for a minute I did approve…
