Page 78 of I Knew You
He scoffed, then glanced toward the ceiling before he looked back into my eyes.
“You can’t seriously think that. First, I don’t pity fuck. Ever. I’m a man with a healthy appetite, but I damn sure want everyone I’ve ever had sex with.”
He took two steps toward me, and I took two steps back.
“Second,” he continued, “I told you; you are different than any other woman. You’ve always been different.”
I scoffed. “You called me your sister. You said kissing me was a mistake. I even said that you thought I wasn’t good enough for you, and you didn’t refute it. Did you think I’d ever forget that day in the hospital?”
“I was lying, Jules. I blamed myself for how hurt you were. I still do. But how I feel about you…” He shook his head. “How I want you? It’s not from guilt or pity. It never was.”
I should have pivoted, but I couldn’t stop.
“Why did you kiss me, then? What was your goal? Was it because of what had just happened, the adrenaline? Or was it because?—”
“Dammit, it was because Iwantedto!” His hands flew up, and I jerked back. “I’ve wanted to be with you for so long. Even before I left for college, I wanted to make a move on you. But I was a douchey kid with a fucked-up family, who had to fight every day to feel like I was worth something, and you were so…sofucking high above me. I valued you so much that I couldn’t taint you with who I was. I was scared of hurting you. And scared of you.”
Intensity swirled from every word he spat, but all those words only fed my frustration.
“Scared of me? A chubby orphaned girl who was so insecure she had to hide behind books and be terrified of making a wrong move, so that no one would leave her. Yeah, that sounds like someonesoooohigh above you. I was a big, goody-two-shoes girl in love with a handsome, popular star football player. Who was the bigger fool?”
I rolled my eyes but continued forward, the truth scathing yet freeing, “For fifteen years, you didn’t call me. Not once. You never came to visit. And never checked on me after you broke my heart. You completely abandoned me. What was I supposed to think? I wanted you to change your mind, but you never came. I left town. And it bothered me that you didn’t try to find me. But I mended because I didn’t have any otherchoice but to go on, or die. Trying to forget you was the hardest thing I did after losing Grams. I had so much to grieve.”
His face fell.
“I was alone!” I screamed, weeping and clenching my fists. I could not stem the feelings I’d held back for so long, no matter how foolish I sounded, letting the words tumble from my lips. “I was alone, and you didn’t care.”
Silence fell between us. I wiped my eyes with my hand, looked up at him, and saw that he had closed his eyes.
“I am such a jackass,” he whispered. “I might not be exactly like Vince Winchester, but fate made sure the apple didn’t fall far from the tree.”
I took a deep breath to gain control of myself. “Don’t say that,” I snapped. “You’re not him. You never were. Grams was determined you wouldn’t be, and you aren’t.”
“Whit says I am,” he said, his words small and unsure.
“Whit only thinks of himself,” I spat angrily. “And someday, I’ll find the courage to tell him that, too.”
We glanced at the picture of all of us with Grams on his dresser. I was trembling. I put my hands on my hips, mirroring him.
“You’ve seen me through rose-colored glasses since we met,” he said, shaking his head. “I can’t blame Whit for feeling like he does. He doesn’t even know I am the one who wrecked the truck, and he still sees me as a guy who screws around, a man who will just hurt you.”
“Is that who you want to be?” He was quiet for a moment, but I pressed on with a firm voice. “Is that your goal? To hurt me?”
His jaw ticked as he stared at a point on the opposite wall.
“I have my own list. First, what makes you or my brother think I wouldletyou hurt me? I’m not some damsel in distress who needs protection. I’ve taken care of myself for quite awhile now.” He absolutely could break me, but he didn’t have to know that.
I took a couple of steps nearer to him, and even though he still wouldn’t look me in the eye, I didn’t look away, determined to see this through. “Second, we’re adults. There’s no shame in what we want.”
I took two more steps, and his breath hitched. “And we’re married.” Two more steps. “Even if it’s just right here, right now, for this one time—I’ll let go of my fear, if you’ll let go of yours.”
He let out a long exhale, closing and re-opening his beautiful, dark eyes before they collided with my own. My resolve to resist him ended before it began. I moved toward Bram, not stopping until we were toe to toe.
“So, do you want me, Bram Winchester?”
He swallowed, his Adam’s apple bobbing. I studied the curve of his dark, stubbled square jaw and let my eyes wander up his face until they met his own.
“Yes,” he whispered. The heat pulsing off his body beckoned me.
