Page 81 of I Knew You
And that’s when I felt it.
My back gave way.
Chapter Seventeen
Bram |October 10, 2024
My cock throbbed and my adrenaline pumped as I got to my feet. I could still taste Julianna on my tongue and lips, the velvet feel of her skin under my fingertips. Then all my lust dissipated as I looked down at her. Her expression was somewhere between a grimace and regret.
“What’s wrong?” I asked, but I knew what it was instantly. I squatted and reached out to push some hair that had fallen in her face. She gritted her teeth, closed her eyes, and shook her head. I didn’t know anything about what she was feeling. I’d pulled muscles in my back while in football or when I’d pushed a little too hard while hiking. But her pain wasn’t something I could understand.
I cupped her cheek in my palm.
“Please tell me what to do. Do we need to go to the hospital?”
“No,” she replied quickly, her word clipped.
“I’m so fucking sorry, Jules,” I whispered.
The weight of the pain I had caused made me want to run. I wanted to remove myself from her presence—her life—before I ruined it any further. I was the reason she was like this. I caused this.
You can’t leave her to suffer alone again.
She had let me see her intense fear of abandonment. She allowed me to know how it made her feel. So, no matter what it cost me, I would never leave her again. She breathed deeply, exhaling in full breaths through pursed lips. “I need a minute,” she ground out, eyes still closed.
I waited, wanting to bundle her into my arms but afraid I’d only make the pain worse. I cradled her face, lightly running my thumbs over her flushed cheeks.
“Please don’t say sorry,” she whispered with tears in her eyes. She let the tiny droplets fall. “This happens sometimes. That’s why the surgery—” She froze.
Panic rose in my chest. “Can you move?”
She waited, then nodded. “Can you get my shirt?”
I wanted to grab my t-shirt and throw it on her, but I thought it might be tight, and I wanted her to be comfortable. Instead, I retrieved her shirt and gingerly placed it over her head. I slowly helped guide her arms through the holes.
Note to self: buy more oversized shirts.I needed to see her in something of mine.
“Is it okay if I lie down here?” she asked. “And do you mind getting?—”
“This is your house, too. You exist anywhere you want, at any time. And I’ll get whatever you need. Tell me what to do.” I took her hand and helped her bear her weight as she got comfortable. One lone whimper slipped from her lips, and I grimaced. She settled on her side, tears continuing to roll down her cheeks. My insides ached watching her suffer.
Julianna directed me toward what she needed: medicinefrom her bag, water, and a heating pad. When I returned to her, I fed her the pills and pressed the heating pad to the middle of her back. The pad was worn and small, and I knew my first order of business was to get her a new, king-sized, plush one.
“I’m sorry,” she mumbled, sniffing. “I’m so sorry. Of all the times?—”
“I should have been more careful.” I scolded myself aloud, realizing that those words encompassed everything about me with her, not just this time.
“Will you lay down with me?” She glanced up where I stood, looking down at her beside the bed, and a lump formed in my throat.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” I replied.
“Please,” she whispered, her eyes filled with fresh tears.
I knew I’d give her anything she asked. I carefully lay down behind her. Her body nestled into mine with my chest to her back, and her soft hair against my cheek. I finally felt a moment of relief from the heap of guilt and terror that had taken me over.
“I’m okay, don’t worry,” she said into the silence as if she sensed my inner struggle. “This happens sometimes.”
“A lot?” I asked, like a masochist, knowing she’d say yes and knowing it would hurt me all over again.
