Page 95 of I Knew You
“Then you think he’d have started sharing with me immediately instead of leaving me in the dark. For instance, he could have led with the information that he had a long-lost half-sister. I had to find that out the day of the wedding.”
“Mmm.”
“What about telling me that his father forbade him from having contact with me? And I still can’t understand why he never tried to find me after it was clear his father’s threats no longer mattered.”
Hunter tapped the steering wheel with his fingers. “I’m sure he regrets those things.”
I shrugged noncommittally. “Maybe.”
“And you’re in love with him?”
I shut my eyes. “Don’t make me say it out loud.”
He made a couple of turns before he asked, “Does he know you are?”
I shook my head. “No. He said it to me earlier today, but I didn’t say it back.” I looked over at him. ”You’re asking a lot of questions. How do I know I can trust you with my feelings?”
He laughed. “I’m already an accomplice to your fake marriage.”
“Wow, ok. I guess you are,” I replied, laughing a little myself. “I saw him a few weeks ago for the first time in fifteen years. It’s been a lifetime. I couldn’t just come out and say, ‘I love you’. He would think I was crazy.”
“Oh yes, but it’s perfectly sane to marry someone when you’ve never said, ‘I love you’.” The look on Hunter’s face was pure amusement as he poked fun at my circumstances. I sat back more firmly in my seat.
“I think I’ve lost my mind.”
“Look, I have no dog in this fight,” he said in his smooth voice, “But having a history like you and him doesn’t seem insignificant. You feel how you feel. You should tell him you love him, too, and let it happen.”
“But how can he feel like that when he’s rejected me repeatedly?”
He seemed to mull this over for a moment before responding.
“Why do you think he rejected you?”
“Bram was never one to follow rules that didn’t suit him, so I don’t think his staying away from me was just pure obedience to his father. And he said that he broke my heart and left me alone for so many years because I didn’t deserve someone as flawed as him. He was terrified of hurting me, not understanding that his avoidance already devastated me. But how is that not a stupid excuse? I am firmly of the belief that if you want to, you will.”
“That’s true, to an extent. But he probably can’t forgive himself, so he doesn’t understand how you can. And it’s my guess he’s been through some traumatic rejection himself. Probably from the father he hates? Maybe his mother? You’ve not mentioned her.”
My cheeks reddened further as my nervous energy climbed.
“I was a minor in psychology in college, if you can’t tell,” Hunter added smugly.
“Figures,” I murmured. “I should have told you he was abused and neglected as a child. We could have saved ourselves a whole conversation. Tell me, Mr. Psychology, how am I supposed to know this isn’t one long cat-and-mouse game to him?”
“Well, if it was, even if it’s subconscious or overt, it’s probably because he fears intimacy.”
“Of course he does. He was an only child, neglected by his parents. He doesn’t want me to see him as flawed because he doesn’t want me to leave or hurt him.”
“You’re very intuitive. That’s sexy in a woman.” I snorted in derision, but he continued, “You could divorce his ass and go out with me.”
“Did you seriously go there?” I laughed. “After I said all that, and after I look like I do right now?”
It was his turn to shrug.
“I like you like this, Julianna. Not artifice. Honesty looks good on you. I do not doubt that your fake marriage partner feels the same. You should ask him.”
The secondwe pulled into the driveway, I was already dreaming of a hot shower to ease my aching back. Hunter refused to take gas money, as I expected.
“Promise me you’ll call if this all goes south between you and him. That’s all I ask.”
