Page 104 of Through My Window
“Tell me the truth for the first time in your life! Why?”
“I was confused! I thought I had feelings for you, but I didn’t! I’m sorry.” The pain on her face makes my chest tighten. “I’m really sorry.”
“You’re sorry?” She lets out a tearful laugh. “It’s so easy for you to say that! You destroy everything good around you and expect to fix it withI’m sorry. That’s not how life works, Ares. You can’t go around hurting people and just expect to be forgiven.”
“I know I’m fucked up, Samantha, but I—”
“You know you’re fucked up, but you keep hurting people. You do nothing to change that.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about, I’m trying to be different.”
“For her? You want to change for Raquel, don’t you?”
“Yes.”
“And . . . couldn’t you try that with me? Wasn’t I enough for you?”
“It’s not about that, Samantha. I just can’t control the way I feel. I care about you a lot, but she’s . . .” I pause. “She’s . . . what she makes me feel is . . . on another level.”
Her lips tremble as she whispers: “Do you love her?”
She looks so hurt that I don’t dare answer.
“You need to rest.”
She nods and staggers to the bed, lying on her side, facing me.
“Would you mind keeping me company until I fall asleep?” I hesitate, but she looks so defeated that I can’t bear to hurt her anymore, so I lie down next to her, and our faces are a safe distance apart. She just looks at me, tears rolling down the side of her face.
I caress her cheek. “I’m sorry.”
“I love you so much it hurts.” Her voice is weak.
It’s the first time she tells me she loves me, but her words don’t surprise me, maybe I already knew. She understands my silence and gives me a sad smile.
“I need to get away from you for a while. I need to get rid of these feelings. Because, as your best friend, I want to be happy for you, because you finally found someone who motivates you to change, someone who makes you happy, but these stupid feelings ruin everything.”
“Take all the time you need. I’ll be here when you get back.”
She holds my hand. “Do your best, Ares. You have a chance to be happy, don’t ruin it. It’s okay to open your heart. It doesn’t make you weak. Don’t be afraid.”
“Afraid?” I let out a sarcastic laugh. “I’m terrified.”
“I know,” she squeezes my hand. “I know it’s hard for you to trust people, but Raquel is a good girl.”
“I know that, but I can’t help feeling so fucking vulnerable,” I sigh. “She has the power to destroy me; she could do it so easily if she wanted to.”
“But she won’t.” She closes her eyes. “Good night, Ares.”
I lean over and kiss her forehead.
“Good night, Samy.”
THIRTY-SEVEN
The Test
- RAQUEL -
