Page 33 of Through My Window
I feel like shit.
The physical discomfort is nothing compared to the feeling of disappointment that pierces my soul. I feel used, rejected, and unappreciated. It’s amazing what Ares can do to me with just a few words. Even though I know I did the right thing by kicking him out of my life, it doesn’t reduce the disappointment and dejection in my heart.
As unexpectedly as he appeared in my life, he’s gone.
The sun is peeking through my window, and I remember Ares disappearing through it as if it happened minutes ago, not hours. I can’t help but analyze every moment over and over again. My poor brain, guided by my heart, tries to look for gestures, expressions, any hidden words that give me hope that he wasn’t just playing with me, that he didn’t just use me, that he’s not an idiot.
During the time I’ve observed him, I’ve realized that his personality isn’t the greatest, but I didn’t expect him to have such a narrow perception of romance. He doesn’t want a relationship, and he thinks women are something to be used and discarded. I know that if I didn’t have such strong views about valuing myself as a woman, I would have fallen into his net. I would have given myself to him completely simply because I like him. I like everything about him. I have never in my life felt so attracted to someone. The things Ares makes me feel just by looking at me are overwhelming.
So I don’t blame the girls who have gone through with it and tried to change him. I would try, too, if I hadn’t experienced firsthand what my mother went through. That memory has always given me strength.
I sigh again, taking a sip of my coffee. I am so tired of being alone.
I want to have love, experience, fun. I want so many things. But I also want someone who respects me, who yearns to be with me, whowantsto be with me. I don’t want to be anyone’s toy, no matter how much I might like him.
I lay my head against the edge of the bed and put my coffee cup to the side to watch the ceiling fan spin. It moves so slowly, blowing cool air over my face.
Without realizing it, I fall asleep.
A few hours later, Apolo finally wakes up, and leaves with his head down, mumbling a thousand apologies. I’ve come to realize how much Apolo fears and respects Ares, but most of all how tender and kind Apolo is. I like him a lot, and I hope that this situation, although bizarre, is the beginning of our friendship.
As I watch Apolo climb down the ladder outside my window, I can’t help but remember the moment that Ares left. His eyes had been fixed on me, as if waiting for me to change my mind and tell him to come back.
Ah! Get out of my head, Greek God.
I need to go back to sleep. I cover myself with my blanket and try to do just that.
THIRTEEN
The Incident
I consider myself a hard worker.
I help my mom, and I buy things for myself that she can’t give me. It’s not because she doesn’t want to, but simply because her nursing salary is barely enough to pay our rent, utilities, her car, and the necessities. We’re a team.
Today, however, I don’t want to go to work. I’ve thought of a hundred excuses, but the truth is that I need the money. Classes start on Monday, so these are my last days to work double shifts. When school starts, I’ll only be able to work during the evenings and weekends.
It’s been almost a week since I saw Ares. To be honest, I didn’t expect to miss him. How could I? We only saw each other a few times. But I think I miss stalking him too. It was a weird hobby that gave me an adrenaline rush and now it’s gone. I sigh, gather my things, and stuff them into my backpack. To say I’ve had a bad day is putting it mildly. I’ve been distracted and yawning constantly. My boss has already called me out three times, and we had to give a customer free fries because I mixed up his order.
I take off my Dream Burgers cap and put it in my locker. I consider changing my shirt, but I don’t even bother. I’m too lazy to walk to the bathroom, so I’ll do it when I get home.
“Bad day, huh?” Gabriel’s voice makes me jump, and I hit my shoulder with the locker door.
“Jesus! You scared me.”
“Sorry.” Gabriel takes off his cap, letting his reddish hair escape and allowing me to see his face better. He has that kind of soft face that would make you fall at his feet if he were to make eyes at you. “So, I’m curious. Any reason as to why you gave a milk shake to someone who ordered an ice cream?”
“Oh, you saw that?”
“Everyone saw it. You were like on another planet.” He opens his locker and takes out his things.
“It’s so embarrassing.”
“Relax, it’s happened to me too.” He gives me a meaningful look.
I look at him sadly. “Dani?”
“Yeah.” He stares into his locker, deep in thought. “She and I are from different worlds. I’m just the pretty boy who works at Dream Burgers to her, nothing more.”
