Page 124 of Through You
Thirty-four
We’ve met before. Haven’t we, Claudia?
CLAUDIA
I love you.
Three simple words. Why can’t I say them? Why do they get stuck in my throat every time I try? What’s stopping me? I explore deep inside my head and in my heart, looking for a reason and a logical explanation. Am I not in love with him? No, it’s not that.
Artemis has always been the love of my life, and occupies a place in my heart. Even when I refused to admit it all those years ago.
So then, what is it?
I love you. Please forgive me, Martha. I was drunk, I won’t doit again. I swear on the love we have. I love you.
As a child, those were my father’s words after he would hit my mother. The constant use of I-love-yous between other proclamations. At my tender age, as time went on and the beatings persisted, I learned that those I-love-yous were lies and meant nothing. We never hurt the ones we love.
After we ran away from my father and ended up on the street, my mother met other men while we squatted in abandoned caravans and condemned buildings. These men promised her a better life and many other things if she worked for them, trading sex for money while giving them a cut of what she earned. That was when I heard those words again.I love you, Martha. And again, they were just lies.
It seemed, to me, that those words were often used as tools by people who wished to manipulate and justify keeping someone tied to one place until they delivered their next blow.
Perhaps in my subconscious those words still have a bitter taste. Even if they’re just words, they trigger an unpleasant sensation in me when I’m about to say them. Which is the opposite reaction I have when Artemis says them. All I feel is a reassuring warmth in my heart when I hear him say those words while looking at me with his chocolate-brown eyes filled with emotion.
Am I totally screwed up because I’m incapable of saying a sincere and honest I-love-you the way he does? An I-love-you that’s not tied to negative memories from my past? Just a genuine and pure I-love-you? I don’t want to say the words just for the sake of saying them. I guess I need time.
“Claudia?” Kelly, the other intern at the company, calls my name. “Are you listening to me?”
“Sure, sure.” She frowns a little but lets it go.
“I was just telling you that Carl loved your marketing proposal for the next project.”
“Really?” I say, holding a hand to my chest. Carl is the right-hand man for my boss, Mrs. Marks. I spent several nights doing market research and devising the perfect strategy to promote the company’s new condo development, which will kick off construction in the coming months.
“I have to admit, I’m envious. I’m pretty sure it’ll be chosen during this afternoon’s meeting. They’re going to let us sit in so we can watch and listen.”
“I have to get ready,” I tell her, and get up to go to the bathroom to fix my makeup. If they choose my proposal, I’m sure they’ll have questions to ask, so I should make myself presentable. I need to hide these huge circles under my eyes, which will be worth the trouble if my idea is chosen. I hope it will be my first project.
I look in the mirror and give myself words of encouragement.
“You can do this. Hard work does pay off.”
I walk out of the washroom and stop dead in my tracks when I see him. You have to be fucking kidding me. It’s Alex. The man I almost kissed the night I went to Artemis’s club. At least he disappeared before anything could happen.
He’s wearing a light-blue suit and no company identification, unlike the majority of the staff, which means he’s likely the head of a department. This is too much of a coincidence. I turn around and I’m about to go back into the washroom when Carl calls to me and ruins everything.
“Claudia!”
I press my lips together and begrudgingly turn around to face Alex, who greets me with a handshake and doesn’t appear at all surprised to see me here. Carl introduces us. “The chief financial officer is paying us a visit today. Sir, this is—”
“We’ve already met. Haven’t we, Claudia?” The playful tone in his voice does not go unnoticed. Carl gives us a puzzled look.
“How do you know each other?” Carl can’t help but ask and I sigh, feeling uncomfortable.
Well, you see, Carl, we almost kissed but he disappeared beforethings went any further.
“From hanging around,” Alex replies.
“Carl!” Mrs. Marks calls him to her office. Carl excuses himself and rushes off, leaving us alone. Before this gets more awkward, I decide to clear things up. But he beats me to the punch.
