Page 28 of Through You
“I don’t think you are. You look a bit restless. I have nothing against angry drinking, but I think you need to pace yourself.”
“Angry drinking?”
“Yeah. You know, drinking in a rage. A friend of mine does it all the time.”
“I’d like to meet this friend of yours, sounds like we have a lot in common.”
“You don’t want to meet him. He’s got a very bad temper.”
He gently takes my hand and inches closer on the L-shaped couch we occupy. “If you need a distraction, there are other alter-natives you could try.”
He’s got my attention. I bite my lower lip and grin. “Which ones, exactly?”
His free hand caresses my cheek. His face is so close to mine I can feel his breath lightly grazing my lips. “I think you know which ones.”
I’m about to kiss him when I hear Gin’s voice.
“Claudia!”
Mr. Black Eyes and I turn to find her standing next to us, her hands on her hips.
“Can I talk to you for a second?”
Mr. Black Eyes makes me turn to face him. “Your name is Claudia?”
Gin lets out a snort. “You haven’t even learned each other’s names! Agh, Claudia, this is Alex. Alex, this is Claudia.”
Alex looks horrified. He quickly lets go of me.
“Shit.”
“What’s wrong?” I ask.
Alex holds his head. “Please don’t tell me that you’re the Claudia who works at the Hidalgos’ house?”
“Have we met?”
“Shit!” He gets up. “I have to go to the restroom. I’ll be back.”
He leaves without further explanation. Gin takes advantage of the opportunity and sits down next to me.
“I didn’t want to interrupt, but Victor asked me to go to his apartment and I don’t want to abandon you here. We can take you home or give you money for a cab.”
“You can go, don’t worry, I’ll be fine,” I assure her. I knew this was very likely going to happen when we decided to go clubbing.
Gin puts some bills in my hand and gives it a tight squeeze.
“Don’t drink any more and call me when you get home.” She kisses one side of my head and leaves.
And then I’m sitting by myself on the couch, facing a table littered with glasses and a half-full bottle of tequila. I am alone, like always.
Isn’t that what I’ve always wanted?
I’ve fought hard to maintain this solitude, this isolation from everyone. It’s much safer than opening up and being vulnerable, something I’m not good at. Perhaps it’s tied to what I went through as a child. Or maybe I simply want to be alone. I’d rather not be one of those people who blames their parents for the way they turned out. Yes, your childhood shapes some of your personality; however, at the end of the day, we are all human beings capable of facing our issues and doing something about them. Maybe there’s no explanation for it: I am the way I am, and that’s that.
I admire people who can freely express their emotions and are willing to put everything on the line, who expose their vulnerability without much thought or hesitation. I think back to Raquel, our neighbor, the girl involved with Ares, and how easy it is to read her emotions in her expressions and actions. I’m tormented by a memory from a few days ago when Ares asked me to get her out of his bedroom the morning after they spent the night together. When I reached the top of the stairs, I found her there, standing and waiting, with tears rolling down her cheeks. I didn’t have to say anything—she simply nodded, looking resigned. The pain I saw in her eyes was gut-wrenching. It was as if she had heard everything Ares said to me.
How can she let herself be hurt like that? And then pick herself up again?
