Page 33 of Follow My Voice
“Go Panthers!” the group of boys shout, pumping their fists in the air.
I’m astonished. Kang is here, on the same campus as me, right now. I knew he attended this college, but I stupidly thought the chances of being on campus at the same time would be lower than low. How dumb of me to rely on luck being on my side.
I don’t know what I’m feeling—a combination of panic, excitement, and fear, mostly fear. What if I run into him in the hallway?
16Find Me
KANG’S ON CAMPUSat the same time as my one and only in-person class.
And I need a plan, because it’s one thing to be able to attend class after all my efforts, and another one to face the possibility of running into Kang. I only hope it’s a one-time thing, a coincidence, and his course schedule doesn’t align with mine.
I wait for the classroom to empty out and for enough time to pass for the halls to clear. I’m banking on his classes being on the completely opposite side of campus, or at least in a different building, but I’m beginning to feel like the chances of running into him now are high. Although I don’t even know what he looks like, and he doesn’t know whatIlook like, so maybe I’m worrying too much.
As I sit here and wait for everyone to leave, I begin to ponder community college life, and I’m amazed by it—seeing so many things I was totally unaware of before, as if I’m suddenly noticing every little detail no matter how small. I guess everything I’ve been through has made me observant. I feel as if I’ve acquired some supernatural ability—although there’s nothing super aboutme—to see things so much more clearly. Or maybe I’ve just totally lost it.
I replay the class and make observations about my new classmates. The older women were the first to leave, saying goodbye to everyone as they walked out. Earlier I saw the redheaded girl explain something to another student who didn’t understand, and she has a very warm smile. The group of pretty girls seem nice. The girl with wavy hair and curves to die for exudes a self-confidence that makes me envious. Two guys who sat laughing together walk out teasing each other and exchanging grins… Is it my imagination, or is there a certain chemistry between them? The dark-haired girl seems quiet, but I saw her staring at the redheaded guy who approached me before class started. Does she like him? I guess I shouldn’t judge him before getting to know him. The last students to leave are a group of three: one guy with dark purple hair and two girls with glasses and high ponytails. This group is hard to pinpoint. They look somehow quite studious but also unattainably cool at the same time. It’s amazing how much you can observe when you have no one to talk to.
I survived the first class, I think to myself, feeling positive, even cheerful. A smile dances on my lips over my small victory.
“Hoodie.”
I tense up. It’s the redheaded guy. I was so busy celebrating that I didn’t notice him return to the classroom. Now we’re alone. I look up and see him walking toward me.
No. My breath quickens and I clench my fists.
“Do you have a name?” He sits at the desk in front of me. “Or should I just call you Hoodie?”
I swallow and my throat feels like sandpaper. It’s the first time I’ve spoken face-to-face with someone my age in a very long time. I can’t find my voice.
He cocks his head to one side, observing me. I want to disappear into my sweatshirt.
“Are you mute?”
I have the urge to get up and leave. I can’t stand his inquisitive gaze. The only reason I haven’t darted out of the classroom is that I know Kang is out there somewhere.
The guy’s hazel eyes move to my notebook and the sketches I made during class. “Hey, cool.”
I cover the drawings.
“Are you really not going to talk to me?”
I shake my head.
He smiles and stands. “Fine, have it your way, Hoodie.” He throws up his hands as if surrendering, but there’s something in his eyes that says he won’t give up.
When he leaves, I let out a breath that I didn’t know I was holding. Why was he so insistent on talking to me?
I exit the classroom and walk toward the main doors of the building. I know I could order an Uber and go home now; I’m done with my class for the day. It went smoothly, so maybe I should take this victory and quit while I’m ahead, but the fact that everything went so well motivates me to push a little further. I need to take more risks if I want to get better, and I know the perfect place to do that.
The very notion of the cafeteria horrifies me—so many people in one place, an unfamiliar place at that, and Kang has to eat, too, so he might be there. But I have to remind myself we don’t know what each other looks like, and that’s enough to settle my nerves, at least about that issue.
I can just barely see the door, and already my heart is pounding in my throat.
You can do it, Klara. You dealt with that redheaded guy; you can handle this.
I think about the fact that it could be worse—it could be a massive dining hall like those in bigger universities, but it’s literally the size of my high school’s.
With my hands in my sweatshirt pockets and my head down, Imake my way through the cafeteria. I get in the buffet line, tray in hand, and start looking at the food. I need something soft and easy to chew because my anxious brain instantly goes to the possibility of choking here. I choose mashed potatoes, chicken teriyaki, and a banana for dessert.
