Page 85 of Follow My Voice
“What’s that…?” I start to say, brows furrowed.
Kamila hands me the smaller box and I open it. It’s an instant camera. Andy puts the bigger box on the bed and I open that next. It’s a corkboard in a wooden frame.
“A few days ago, you said you’d like to take pictures of your progress and display them somewhere where you can see them,” Kamila says as I admire the camera. “So we wanted to surprise you with this.”
I smile and hug her. I couldn’t imagine a better sister, someone who remembers everything I say.
“Thank you,” I whisper before releasing her to hug Andy.
Excitement runs through me as I look back to the camera. I can’t wait to start using it and hang the photos I take with it. This will be my first art project in a long time. My first step back to art. Another step in the right direction. Transformations don’t happen overnight, but I know I will keep moving forward and the day will come when I’ll hold a paintbrush again.
Kamila sits on my bed and Andy leans against the doorframe. “How’s it going?” my sister asks as I sit down on a springy chair in the corner—the newest addition to my room—to open the box with the camera in it.
“Good…” I have to tell her that I’m meeting Kang, and I can feel myself turning red. “In fact, I’m going out tonight.”
“Oh, yeah?” Kamila sounds surprised and I can’t blame her. “Where are you going?”
“To the movies,” I murmur.
“Who with?”
Andy seems to notice the red in my cheeks and he clears his throat. “I’m sure she’s going with her friends.” Andy has the ability to read my mind; he can always tell when I don’t want to talk about something. He’s much better at picking up on my cues than my sister is, even though she’s a psychiatrist.
“Friends?” Kamila asks excitedly, “Can we meet them? You can invite them over if you want, I’ll make dinner—”
“Kamila…” Andy interrupts.
“Sorry, sorry… I’m being too intense…” she apologizes. “All in good time. We’ll meet them when you want us to.”
She and Andy complement each other so well. Kamila is too much, as my mother used to say, too analytical, always overthinking everything, while Andy is practical, straightforward, a laid-back, go-with-the-flow kind of guy. I’ve never met a couple who balance each other out as well as the two of them. I guess some people are just meant to be together.
“Well, we’ll let you do your thing.” Kamila stands up. “I can’t wait to see your pictures.” She smiles. “What time does the movie end?”
“A little after ten o’clock, but we’re going for ice cream after, so I’ll be home around eleven-thirty-ish.”
“If you need anything, don’t hesitate to call and I’ll come and get you right away, okay?”
I know that “anything” means “panic attack,” that she worries I might feel the need to rush home from wherever I am. Basically, my sister is telling me that she’ll come running if anything goes wrong, as usual.
“Okay.”
Kamila leans over and kisses me on the forehead. “I love you,” she says.
I wrinkle my nose in a mocking grimace of disgust. “Sickly sweet, how do you put up with her, Andy?” I joke.
He shrugs. “It’s not easy.”
“Oh, no, she called me sickly sweet.” Kamila pretends to be wounded. “She must be allergic to love.”
“I’m not allergic to all love, only yours.”
We laugh and they leave as I begin to hang my corkboard and decorate it with colored paper and some of the old Christmas lights from my bed. I can’t wait to print and hang my first photos. I stare at my work and turn the camera to me. Taking a deep breath, I smile and take my very first picture. I wait for it to develop, and when it does, I chuckle. I look messy and pale-faced, but I like it. I place the photo on the corkboard and stare at it a bit longer. Gosh, my hair looks so disheveled; I need to shower as soon as possible. Humming, I head to the bathroom.
After showering, I get ready for my date with Kang. I put on black pants and a long-sleeved purple shirt. I towel dry my hair. It’s growing quite fast, already covering the back of my neck with a few longer strands down to my ears. I look in the mirror and my lipscurl into a smile of acceptance. Loving myself will take time, but it’s a start. “What a dazzling smile you have, Klara,” I say to myself. Dr. B. recommended I give myself compliments. He says that the hardest thing for many people is to accept their body as it is.
“If only I were taller…”
“If only my eyes were a different shape or a different color…”
