Page 87 of Follow My Voice
Kamila is about to say something else when Andy appears behind her. “Kamila, are you coming? Good night, guys, have fun,” he says, winking at me, tugging at my sister, who’s still trying to see what my date looks like.
I roll up the window and watch them enter the house as Kang starts driving without a word. It’s obvious that he didn’t want my sister to see him, so I can only assume they know each other, but from where? I have to ask. “Kang,” I begin.
“Did you pick a movie?” he interrupts.
“Oops, I forgot.”
“Don’t worry, I’m sure there are plenty ofnormalmovies towatch,” he says with a smirk, reminding me of my embarrassing response the other night.
Bravo, Klara.
“You can check the listings on your cell phone,” he suggests when I don’t respond.
I look out the window, watching the trees go by. I don’t know how to ask him about my sister, so I decide to just be direct. I open my mouth to speak, but he seems to read my mind.
“It’s a long story.” He sighs. “Can I tell you about it after the movie?”
“Okay.”
We arrive at the movie theater and get tickets for a thriller, then line up at the concessions stand. When Kang hands me my popcorn and Coke, I grin so widely: it’s my favorite snack for listening to his radio show, and now here I am eating it with him, at the movies, on a date.
Kang raises an eyebrow.
“What?”
“I used to always have popcorn and Coke while listening to your show.”
He runs a hand through his hair and looks down, but I still catch a glimpse of a crooked smile. Is this guy for real? And am I really out of the house with no wig? It all feels too surreal.
“Used to? So you don’t listen to my show anymore?” he asks, tossing popcorn into his mouth as we walk into the theater.
“Why bother, I have the real version now,” I joke, shrugging.
“Ouch,” he whispers. “So I’ve lost a listener but gained a girlfriend.”
We both stop abruptly. Kang coughs, choking on his popcorn. I pat him on the back. My heart is racing out of control.
“I mean…” he says, recovering. “It’s a figure of speech…”
I don’t know if he’s flushed because of what he just said or because he almost choked to death on a piece of popcorn.
“It’s too soon, I know… I’m not pressuring you…”
“I know what you meant, Kang,” I say, laughing.
He runs his hand over his face. “I’m just such a mess with you.”
I scoff. “As if you haven’t noticed how much of a mess I am around you.”
As we take our seats, I steal a few glances at my date next to me and yelp internally. The movie must be popular because the theater fills up immediately. Sitting next to Kang doesn’t make me as nervous as being surrounded by so many people in a new and unfamiliar enclosed space. It took me months to make it all the way to the park with Kamila and Andy. When I started going to campus, it was planned out, with incredible support at my disposal. This, however, is new… and new always triggers my anxiety.
Kang seems to notice my discomfort and is staring at me with concern. “Are you okay?”
I nod, my body tense. I take a deep breath as the movie begins. But I know I’m not okay. I’m unable to eat any popcorn, or drink my Coke, unable to enjoy sitting next to my handsome date. Everything takes a back seat when you’re having a panic attack, nothing else matters—you feel only fear and the need to flee, to escape. I try to calm myself because I don’t want to make a scene, but I’m terrified and it’s hard to breathe. Each inhale seems to become caught in my throat, making me feel even more desperate.
“I’m going to the bathroom,” I say to Kang, standing up before he has time to respond and pushing past the other people in our row.
Out in the lobby, my breath becomes increasingly rapid.
