Page 95 of Ten Rules for Faking It
Clarity hit her like a wave rocking her backward. It wasChrisshe was running from. She needed to escape from him. All at once, sitting next to him, she’d realized shedidlike him. That she wished he were one of her dates. All her dates. Immediately after that had sunken into her brain, he’d admitted to being married and divorced. It struck her then that she didn’t know him. Not knowing someone was the reason she’d spent her birthday morning cleaning coffee stains off her pants.
He’d followed her, and now she had to face him. Along with her own feelings.
She stopped at her car but didn’t turn around. She felt him behind her as his footsteps crunching over the gravel camenearer. His hands came to her shoulders, and they stood like that a moment. She could still hear the waves in the distance and laughter from the other side of the house. She could hear her heartbeat in her ears and both of their breaths sawing in and out.
Instead of turning her, Chris dropped one hand and walked around her, coming to stand in front of her, his fingers trailing down the arm he was still touching.
Everly clenched her jaw and stared at his chest.Don’t look up. Don’t look up.Softly, and exquisitely, painfully slowly, Chris brought his other hand up and pulled her close, pulled herintohim, wrapping her up in his arms. The lump in her throat doubled in size when her cheek rested against the hard surface of his chest.
“Is this because I said I was married? It was years ago, Everly. I was twenty-one.”
Everly blinked back the tears she didn’t want to shed, forcing herself to lean back to see his face. Rule six: Be bold, even if it gives you hives. It wasn’tjustthat. It was so many things that she didn’t know how to voice in this moment. Shefelttoo much. It made her brain hurt.Him holding you makes everything else hurt less.His arms tightened, hers rested on his waist. “I just need to go.”
“There’s something here. For both of us,” he whispered.
His admission sent a shiver through her body. Everly reached for logic and reason. “You’re my boss.”
“I’m also your friend,” he whispered, his head lowering.
Her breathing hitched, her heart doing some jumping jacks in her chest. “Yes. I don’t want to lose that.” He mattered to her more than she’d let herself admit. “I work for you. You’re my boss.” She was repeating herself, but it was all she had. Hadn’t that been his reasoning?
“What if I weren’t?”
She swallowed. She couldn’t think about that right this second. “How long?”
His thumb grazed the skin of her lower back. “Was I married?”
She nodded emphatically, her head feeling disconnected from her neck.Great. A human Everly bobblehead.She didn’t know why she needed to know.
“Three months. It was a mistake. We thought we felt more than we did, but when it came time to actually bemarried,we knew we were too young. We were friends. We didn’t love each other.”
Being married is hard, Ev.So why was she fighting so hard to find someone to spend her life with?
Chris’s right hand moved and cupped Everly’s cheek, his thumb caressing her skin. Warming it. Fighting the chill and her reserve.
“I didn’t mean to feel this way about you,” he whispered, his face coming closer.
“What way?” She couldn’t assume. She couldn’t pretend she knew what she was doing.
“Like if I don’t kiss you, something inside of me might break.”
The next breath she took shuddered in and out raggedly. Their eyes were tethered, fixed on each other with an intensity Everly felt through her entire body.
Time had a way of slowing down, nearly pausing during intense moments. Every second felt like two, moving past in a hazy blur. Chris’s face filled more of her vision until his forehead pressed against her own. He closed his eyes, took measured breaths while hers felt suspended. Everly wondered if he could hear her heartbeat as her fingers dug into his waist.
When he opened his eyes, she saw uncertainty clouding them, and it shut down her lungs. What the hell were they doing? They couldn’t uncross this line.
“Everly,” he whispered.
She shook her head. She couldn’t process any of this rightnow. She needed to go. It was too hard to unclutter her brain when they were sharing air.
“I have to go. Let me go,” she said.
Chris stepped back. Everly got in her car, fought with her seat belt and the desire to dive back into his arms. When his hand pressed to her window, she looked up at him, at the sadness in his gaze. Everly wasn’t built for back-and-forth, highs followed by lows. Her parents were champions in that way, but it was never what she wanted. She’d rather have steady, predictable feelings than be unsure in any way. Chris made her feel like she was standing in the middle of a teeter-totter, unable to maintain her balance.You’ve got two second dates. The second of which will be Owen, then this is done. The audience was choosing the other but neither Brad nor Jon appealed to her more than Owen. Whether you go out with Owen again after the contest or not, you can go back to your quiet life.Nothing inside of her felt quiet right now. The longing she’d felt in Chris’s arms was like a brass marching band in her chest. So not quiet. How did she get past that?
Easy. You pretend it doesn’t exist.
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