Page 102 of Ten Rules for Faking It
“What are you doing, Everly?” Her mother leaned in, over her opened menu.
“You have some nerve, sweetheart,” her father said, crossing his arms over his chest, stretching the shoulders of his dark suit.
“It might seem like that but really, I’m just doing something either of you would do, andhave done,without a second thought. I’ll explain everything after we order. I need to speak to both of you and didn’t want to do it separately.”
Her mother’s expression morphed into worry. She reached out to hold Everly’s hand. “Are you okay? Is it something bad?”
Everly swallowed. “No. Just something I need to tell you guys.”
The tension was thicker than the ten-page menu as they smiled through the waitress’s greeting. The second she brought their drinks and left, both her parents turned and focused on Everly.
“What’s going on? Are you all right?” Her father folded his hands on the table. They might be divided on many things, but they’d never wavered in their love for her. She loved them back just as fiercely, but if she didn’t take this step, she’d resent them.
Everly took a deep breath and let it out. She put her hands on her lap, tapping her fingers on her thighs, focused on the movement and light touch as her heart rate settled.
“I’m okay. I didn’t mean to scare either of you, but I have something I need to tell you, and I need you to listen to me and respect what I’m about to say.”
Her mom’s lip wobbled, and she reached out to take her husband’s hand. He took it without hesitation, saying, “We’re here, and we’re listening, sweet girl.”
They were soweird.Maybe Everly hadn’t been married or even truly in love, but she hoped that if she ever found the one, she wouldn’t do what her parents did to each other. To her. She’d admitted the full force of their damage to herself the other night, realizing this was the starting point of her having what she wanted.
No more delays.“Your marriage is your business just like my life is my own. We might not agree with each other on everything, but how you choose to love is entirely up to you. My whole life, I’ve accepted the dichotomy of your marriage as normal. I’ve let myself believe it didn’t impact me in any way other than that I wanted to avoid something similar.” She inhaled, forcing herself to continue. “I told myself I wasn’t impacted by what you do to each other, but I was wrong. Who you are with each other—in good times and bad—has shaped whoIam. It’s clouded my ideas of what I want, or don’t want, for myself. I’vebeen so mad at you both so many times over the years. Now that I’m older, I realize I only have control over me. My life. How you guys choose to be married is up to you, but how I let it affectmeisn’t. I asked you both to come here today to tell you that I won’t do this anymore.” Her lungs all but collapsed, and air whooshed out. Her shoulders sagged. There. She’d said her piece. Just like she’d practiced.
“What on earth are you talking about?” Her father’s voice carried through the empty restaurant.
“What won’t you do anymore?” her mother asked, pulling her hand out of her husband’s.
Everly waved a hand in their direction. “This back-and-forth you two do? I won’t be part of it anymore. I’d love to be able to tell you to decide one way or the other—be all in or all out, whatever makes you truly happy, but it’s not my place. As your daughter, the person whose emotions have been yanked back and forth like a yo-yo since I was seven years old, I’m saying no more. You don’t get to drag me into it.” She held up a hand when they started to speak. “Let me finish. Watching you act like newlyweds one day and then enemies the next has taken more of a toll on me than I wanted to admit. Unknowingly, I’ve let your relationship influence my own beliefs. If you two get divorced, I hope you both find love again. You are both amazing people. You bothdeservehappiness. I was positive that I just wanted you guys to stay together. You made vows, promised to get through anything. But I’m not seven anymore. I’m not naïve. I know now that it doesn’t always work out like you want. Sometimes, how youwantto feel just isn’t the way you do. There’s no right or wrong. What works for you won’t ever work for me in a relationship. Of that much, I’m sure. Whether you stay apart this time or not, there’s no more texting me and calling me to fill in the gaps of loneliness you feel because you’re missing each other. When you’re together, you get so wrapped up in the renewed newness that you forget I exist sometimes. This pendulum you swing wrecks me.”
She paused and took a long drink of her water. Her mother’s eyes were brimming with tears, and her father slipped his arm around his wife’s shoulder.
Everly swallowed down her tears with the drink. “I’m asking you not to put me in the middle. Call me on a regular basis and check in regardless of your relationship status. I promise to do better in that regard, too. When I say I promise, I mean it. I’ve cut you guys out of a lot of things because I can’t handle the stress of not knowing from one day to the next whether you’ll be together or apart.”
The waitress came, seemed to sense the mood, and didn’t make small talk while she set down sandwiches and fries. She asked if they wanted top-ups of their drinks, then scurried off.
“I had no idea these things weighed so heavily on you,” her mother said, unwrapping her fork and knife from the napkin roll.
“Because I haven’t told you. I make jokes or blow it off or go with whatever the status quo is. I don’t think I even knew how much it’s been hurting me. I plan on being more open. Or trying to be, at least. While we’re on the topic of what needs to change, I don’t like birthday celebrations. I don’t like big get-togethers, especially surprise ones. Ihatesurprises. They make me uncomfortable. I don’t want to pretend anymore. You’re both so social. I envy that sometimes, but it’s not who I am. I need you to respect that and never again, for as long as you both shall live, ever give me a piñata or condoms.”
Laughter burst from her father. “I told you she was still mad.”
Her mom tipped her head back to look at him. “You did. I don’t always listen.” She looked back at Everly. “It’s not as cut-and-dried asdo we or don’t we.We love each other, and no matter what happens, we always will. One thing that never changes, though—we love you more than anything.”
Her father nodded, took a bite of his sandwich.
“I know,” Everly said, cutting her sandwich into smallertriangles. “I love you back. I’ll always be here when you guysneedme. It just can’t be to fill the void. I can’t be your best friend when you need to gossip about what Dad did this time. Dad, I can’t be your go-to dinner date at a moment’s notice when you’re apart.”
He nodded, his eyes suspiciously bright. He looked at his wife, making Everly wonder what he was thinking. When he looked back at his daughter, he smiled. “For your next birthday, maybe we could just have one of those cakes you like from your friend’s bakery.”
She smiled back. “That sounds good.”
Her mom huffed out a breath, straightening her shoulders. “Maybe I should take up baking.”
After a second of silence, all three of them laughed. The tension lifted. Everly told them about Owen, pushing all her other worries aside. She didn’t need them to sort everything out right now. She just needed to say her piece and have themhearher so she could move on to the next item on her list.
Lunch with her parents, even though it ended well, relieving her of a years’ old burden, took a lot out of Everly emotionally. To give herself a bit of extra time, she’d texted Owen to let him know she’d be a little late, telling herself it was fine.It’s okay to say what you need. If someone wants to be with you, they’ll accept it.
Though nerves covered her like an extra sweater as she walked into the restaurant, she didn’t second-guess herself. In the past several weeks, she’d stepped up in her own life. This was just one more step. Not a leap, but those left a person with broken ankles. Her feet were firmly planted. Steady.
