Page 106 of Ten Rules for Faking It
She could still feel the imprint of his lips, the feel of his hands memorizing every nuance of her body. Those casual touches and pinkie grazes had been nothing compared to the fireworks of actually kissing him.
“Thinking about it isn’t helping you sleep.” She rolled over to her back again.
Since she couldn’tstopthinking about him, she gave up, threw her blankets back to crawl out of bed. Padding out to the kitchen, she turned on the kettle to make some Sleepytime tea. While it steeped, she picked up her journal, then took it and her tea back to her bedroom.
She couldn’t believe she’d left the list of reasons it couldn’t be him at his house. She’d texted him as soon as she got home.
EVERLY:I forgot the list. Don’t look at it.
CHRIS:Are you joking? I’m going over it now.
Her cheeks had burned.
EVERLY:Rip it up.
CHRIS:Not a chance. We’ll go through it point by point so I can change your mind on every issue.
EVERLY:You already did.
CHRIS:Won’t stop me from proving you made the right choice over and over again.
She’d bit her lip, staring at the screen, a new kind of warmth rushing to the surface of her skin.
EVERLY:That sounds… intriguing.
CHRIS:You’re everything, Everly. Don’t ever doubt that.
She hadn’t known what to say in response to that. Instead, she’d texted good night, to which he replied, “Sweet dreams.”
“They would be, if I could sleep,” she said to herself as she crawled back into the bed. The tea at her side, she pulled the covers up over her bent knees, opening the journal to her list of rules.
She smiled, putting a check mark by number one. Definitely focusing on the good. She put a star next to number two. She was thinking, seriously, about getting a cat. Just one. Maybe two. Definitely not a hoard. She’d worry about her birthday when the time came, but maybe it was time to stop dreading them. Now that she’d told her parents what she didn’t want, maybe they’d listen.
Number four, try something new each month, had been a big surprise. Kickboxing was perhaps one of the most surprisingones. It filled her with an inner strength, making her feel more powerful just by attending the classes.
“Number five, definitely achieved.” She put a check next to it. The entire team was buzzing with ideas for their new show. Between that and the get-together Chris orchestrated, she felt closer than ever to her staff.
A shiver ran through her when she read number six.Be bold, even if it gives you hives.Tonight was the first time she’d understood why people did crazy things for the rush of it. She’d made the first move and been bolder than she’d ever been in her life. Something had clicked into place when she’d admitted her feelings.The safety harness on the roller coaster.She grinned. Getting on the ride might be terrifying, but it was also exhilarating. Freeing. There’d been not one hive in sight.
She put a smiley face next to number seven.Find what makes you truly happy. And hang on to it.She’d done that in so many surprising ways. Opening up to her parents had removed the cement block weighing on her chest. Even the dates, which she’d worried so much about, had played a role in her current state of happiness. Going on them had taught her things about herself. They’d taught her about what she didn’t want as much as what she did. Being honest with herself about her feelings for Chris was a whole new plane of finding her happy.
Everly chewed on her pen a moment, staring at number eight. “Ironic,” she said. She’d told herself to choose men who made her feel something, yet she’d all but run from the man who made her feel more than she ever had. She crossed out the rule. She didn’t need that one anymore.
If shefeltany more for him than she did right now, her heart might explode. Maybe part of her worry had been how he saw through her nervous habits, saw deeper than her social anxiety. He didn’t sidestep it; he knew it was part of her, but he accepted it the way he did any other aspect of who she was. He made her feelseen.More, he made her feel like helikedwhathe saw. She felt stronger when he looked at her like she was all he could see. Number nine—believe in herself—was going to take some time, but she was on the right road now. For so long, her anxiety had been this hovering cloud she couldn’t shake. In the last six weeks, she’d realized, she couldn’t, and didn’t need to, get rid of it. She needed to stop holding it against herself. Facing it, learning how to accommodate it, had given her a new kind of freedom. One that hopefully would let her be kinder to herself.
She laughed at number ten.
“Make the first move.” She put a huge check mark next to it. “Done.”
She closed the book, shut off the lamp, and snuggled farther into the blankets. Her tea had gone cold, but she didn’t need it now. Despite the giddy, restless feeling stirring her blood, her eyes grew heavy, and she fell asleep thinking about how tomorrow would be the start of something new and amazing. They had things to discuss and work through, but she’d been wrong about one thing—she didknow.The first touch of his mouth to hers had sent flashes of what could be through her mind. She’d known. He was a man she’d choose over and over and over again.
Butterflies danced in her stomach as she took the stairs up to the radio station the next day. She’d dressed with more care than usual, choosing a pair of dark jeans and a pale yellow T-shirt. Maybe she’d try something vibrant one day, but for now, the softer sides of the color wheel were growing on her. They had a staff meeting at ten thirty, which would give Stacey enough time to do a live segment before they transferred over to the computer until after the meeting. They needed to do a wrap-up segment for the show. Each of the men had signed nondisclosure agreements, but it was time for all of them to get on with their lives, which meant clueing the listening audience in to the final results.
She hesitated before pushing open the door to the lobby.Stop it. You’re going to work. You’ve done this every day for years. Nothing is different. Not about your job.
“Hey,” Stacey said from behind her.
Everly jumped, letting out a little yelp.
