Page 118 of Ten Rules for Faking It
“Me, too, honey. You really can’t ever be sure, you know? But not being willing to take the risk because you’re scared of the outcome isn’t really living.”
Everly thought about that, squeezing the cat toy in her right hand.
“Can I just say one more thing?” Her mom turned to her, brushed a hand down Everly’s hair.
“Sure.”
“Even if it doesn’t end up perfectly, there will be so many moments of happiness and joy that it’ll offset the imperfections. Just because it’s hard doesn’t mean it’s not worth it.”
Everly nodded, unzipped her purse, and put the squishy cat inside. She squared her shoulders and smiled. “I’m ready.”
“Good. I was thinking you should get two.”
Everly stopped in her tracks. “I just wrapped my head around one.”
Her mother nodded like she understood completely. “But one is so lonely. They need a partner. Someone to play with. Fight with. Someone to love.”
It amazed her that at thirty years old, her mother could still teach her something.
“You’re absolutely right.” Everly looked up at the shelter sign and nodded. “Two kittens it is.”
[40]
What people failed to mention when they got kittens was the kittens were nocturnal monsters who took pleasure in bouncing around like furry pogo sticks. What was she thinking getting kittens when she had a full-time job? Mac and Wallace kept her up most of the night.Which is fine because you weren’t sleeping, anyway.In between pulling the kittens off her curtains and each other, she’d thought about Chris and her parents and her lists and her life. She didn’t know when he was coming back or if he was staying, but she knew she wasn’t over him. She thought of texting him but couldn’t make herself do it. Because what if… She hated what-ifs.
A nervous restlessness kept her from entering the building. She knew he was back. Stacey texted a He’s Back! gif. Pressing her back to the concrete building, she focused on watching Stacey walk toward the station instead of on the mounting tension spiraling inside of her brain.
“You good?” Stacey asked.
“I’m a coward.”
Stacey’s eyes narrowed. “I ain’t friends with no coward.”
Everly laughed. “Stop. I’m serious.”
Stacey leaned beside her, looked down at Everly’s phone, where she’d brought up the post she’d never posted. “What’s that?”
Everly turned her head. “The truth. I didn’t post it becauseI was scared. If I see him and he doesn’t feel the way I do, I’ll never share it.”
“Okay. If you share it, regardless of how he feels, are you going to second-guess yourself eight million times?”
Everly nodded.
Stacey laughed. “At least you’re honest.”
“Is it a now-or-never thing?” Stacey’s voice was gentle.
All of the things she’d pushed herself to do should make her proud. Shewasproud. It wasn’t everything, though. She could post it after she saw him, after she knew how he felt. After she knew if he’d still choose her. That was the safe thing to do. She had the tiniest inkling of what her parents must feel every time they thought of starting or stopping. Love wasn’t safe. It was a jump off a high-dive platform into unknown waters. For them, they trusted each other to eventually be wading around, ready to rescue them if they sank. She now understood the safety factor in that. For them.
Everly couldn’t guarantee Chris’s feelings, but the least she could do was acknowledge her own. It wasn’t brave if she wasn’t scared. It wasn’t a risk if she knew all the answers.
She pressed Post on the words that had been sitting there, unseen by the world, unsaid by her. Stacey sucked in a breath when the post went live on the station’s Facebook page.
Everly’s heart hammered out of control.
Stacey gave a loud whoop, shoving her friend in her enthusiasm. “I take it back. You’re totally Black Widow.”
Laughter bubbled up over all the doubt. When Stacey yanked her into a hug, Everly forced herself to put it aside. She had no idea what they were in for, but she’d been brave. She’d taken a chance. He didn’t know it yet. But he would.
